ENGLAND 6, SOUTH AFRICA 42

WOE Danny Boy. Woe England. Danny Cipriani might be able to pull a bird but he can’t pull the strings at this level yet.

The so-called boy wonder had a stinker but was not alone in the worst England performance at Twickenham in living memory.

Fans were streaming out of HQ minutes before the end, as if they were running to Kelly Brook’s latest West End show.

They couldn’t even be bothered to stay on and boo this utter shambles.

It ended in England’s biggest-ever defeat at what used to be a fortress when the likes of Lawrence Dallaglio, Jonny Wilkinson and Martin Johnson ruled the roost.

As humiliations go this was right up there. It was the 36-0 drubbing in Paris at the last World Cup with knobs on.

BOK BASHED - Lee Mears of England is tackled by Tendai Mtawarira of South Africa

Okay, South Africa are the world champions but they were supposed to be a busted flush after 15 Tests this year and finishing rock bottom in the Tri-Nations.

Coach Peter De Villiers said his boys were pining for the beach this week but they could have been on sun loungers for all the trouble England gave them. God help us when Richie McCaw and his All Blacks arrive next weekend.

Johnson may have wondered what he got himself into as head honcho after last week’s drubbing by the Wallabies — now he must be on the brink of topping himself.

He has more than one issue to address.

Cipriani is clearly not the finished article. He had three first-half kicks charged down and left the Barbour boys at Twickers calling for Wilkinson’s return before the first glass of red had slipped down.

Elsewhere, the back row was anonymous and the defence waved the white flag. The attack was toothless and leadership was sadly lacking.

Johnson has massive decisions to make.

MARTIN JOHNSON - difficult

The first is to bite the bullet and ditch Steve Borthwick as captain. He can play a bit, but he’s no Jonno Mark II. When the bullets have been flying in the last two weeks, he just hasn’t inspired his men.

Second, in the absence of Wilko, he must play Toby Flood at fly-half against the All Blacks.

His game-management knocks Cipriani’s into a cocked hat. It is all very well making the odd eye-catching break but if you can’t back it up on the board, what is the point?

Third is to stop the smokescreen of misinformation over the fitness of Andrew Sheridan.

The England coaching staff tried to pull the wool over the public’s eyes about the prop’s neck injury when it was common knowledge by Tuesday that he wouldn’t be fit for yesterday’s game.

But even 15 Sheridans armed with machine guns wouldn’t have sorted out this fiasco.

Perch

Fourth, why was Tom Palmer in the starting line-up? Johnson as good as admitted his boob when he took off the second row after half an hour. You couldn’t make it up.

Something radical has to be done. If that means promoting a rookie skipper like James Haskell or even getting Mike Tindall back in as captain then so be it.

England are damaged goods and the southern hemisphere teams must be laughing at how the virtually unbeatable side of the start of the century have fallen off their perch.

The South Africans gave England a lesson in defending.

Every single tackle they made counted for something. They bossed the line-out and murdered England at the breakdown. On top of that every time they got into English territory they made it count on the scoreboard.

Harsh

Johnson said: “We have learnt a brutal lesson. Next week we are playing the best team in the world on form and have got to show some real character.

“We are going to get sniped at so we have to take that on the chin. The players are pretty desolate to lose by that at home — they are still our best players but it is only going to get harder.”

Cipriani’s nightmare started when Ruan Pienaar charged down his sloppy clearance and raced in to score. From then it was one-way traffic as England laid down and ushered the South African attackers towards the try line.

When Johnson was a player, England never surrendered and there must be some harsh talking done at their five-star base in Surrey today.

Johnson added: “It is going to be a very difficult week in the light of what has happened.”

And it gets worse. The Lions tour South Africa next summer with 50,000 fans expected to make the trip. On this evidence, the English contingent in Ian McGeechan’s squad will be non-existent.

England - pens: Cipriani (2); South Africa - tries: Rossouw, Pienaar, Jacobs, Fourie, Habana; cons: Pienaar (3), Steyn; pens: Pienaar.