'TACHE 'N TOSH

Hull 0, Wigan 5

PHIL BROWN and his men are growing moustaches for charity with keeper Matt Duke fighting testicular cancer.

But the Hull gaffer will no doubt be sprouting a few more grey hairs after he was handed a massive wake-up call by rampant Wigan.

City had got their campaign off to a flier — their four-point haul heralding the best start to a season by a top-flight virgin.

But this is the Premier League, where dreams can soon turn to nightmares.

And it happened with Brown’s toothless Tigers made to look like toothless cubs inside the opening 13 minutes. Wigan — without a point from their opening two games — dished out two very big lessons.

Lesson One: The slightest mistake will be exposed.

Full-back Sam Ricketts certainly learnt that to his cost after his near-post air-shot at Kevin Kilbane’s inswinging corner left the Welsh international red-faced and Hull a goal down after just five minutes.

Lesson Two: Opponents are world class.

Step forward Latics midfielder Antonio Valencia. Having picked up the ball from Amr Zaki on the halfway line, he ran at the heart of the defence, leaving Wayne Brown and Michael Turner looking every bit Championship cloggers before tucking the ball past Bo Myhill.

It was a wonderful goal from the Ecuador ace — and how the Tigers could have done with a player of his class.

Boss Brown said: “Everyone tells me about the Premier League and what it’s like but Wigan had five attempts and scored five goals. Is that a gulf in class? I would say no.

“We beat ourselves rather than Wigan beating us but we slipped up at set-pieces at both ends and that detail was the difference. We go back to the drawing board after every game and we will learn from the defeat. You ask for 100 per cent but 99 per cent won’t do in the Premier League and we were punished for it.”

Hull did have their moments with Craig Fagan blasting wide from Geovanni’s pass, while Ian Ashbee miscued Michael Turner’s knock-down just before the break.

But while Brown tried in vain to fire up his men after the restart, their only real effort came on 49 minutes when Chris Kirkland needed to be at his very best to palm over Richard Garcia’s drive from 12 yards — Geovanni again the architect of the move.

Surprising then, the summer signing from Manchester City was substituted after 56 minutes but the fans were instantly appeased as Dean Windass arrived to make his 100th Premier League appearance.

It came to nothing and Wigan made the game safe on 63 minutes when Zaki connected with Valencia’s cross and drove the ball past Myhill.

Emile Heskey added a fourth on 68 minutes. The hapless Brown made a hash of Kirkland’s long punt and the England international was on hand to convert.

Zaki then completed the rout when his 18-yard drive crashed off the crossbar and over the line.

Wigan were unfortunate not to take something from their two previous games. But they showed their real potential here and maybe owner Dave Whelan’s hopes for a top-half finish are not out of reach.

You won’t find boss Steve Bruce echoing those sentiments. Certainly not if he can’t get worked up over a 5-0 hammering!

He said: “This was probably our worst performance of the season.

“Although it was a vital game, we are not getting carried away.

“There are three divisions in the Premier League and last season we were top of our division — it’s important we do the same this year. There is such a long way to go.”

And, with that, Wigan were on their way.

They say the best thing about Hull is the road out.

If the hosts don’t learn from this, there will be plenty of sides making the same journey home as the Latics with grins as wide as the Humber.