'AVE IT: JOEY ON A YELLOW

JOEY BARTON beat a charge of failing to say who was driving his car at 39mph in a 30 zone.

But arriving at the magistrates court in a £170,000 Austin DBS Vantage and parking it on a grass verge outside the main entrance, next to double yellow lines? Not the best.

ROAD SHOW

IT was a clever innovation to have those small vanity mirrors in car sun visors.

But one particularly flash Premier League footballer has taken it a step further ... he has had TV screens installed instead of mirrors.

Now he can enjoy his action replays while cruising in the fast lane.

ADE-BUYER

EMMANUEL ADEBAYOR is well known to like a good whine but it seems he is also partial to a drop of Red Red Wine.

Why else would the Manchester City striker pay a cab driver £50 to take away a UB40 CD from his collection after spying it on his dashboard?

It should've hit the right note with the cabbie, anyway.

GORD IT'S AWFUL

'AVE IT'S sure they won't be losing any sleep over it, but Gordon Strachan is boycotting X-Factor until the Irish irritants are voted off.

"It's seeing talented people being pushed out of the show," admitted the Middlesbrough manager.

"We like to see talented people go to the top."

"I watch junk TV because there is no thought to it but when the result came through last week I thought, 'That's it', I'm not watching it again."

BROWN STUFFED

THE perils of giving a magazine interview long in advance of publication were exposed when the latest edition of the excellent Football Punk was published.

In it, Phil Brown holds court and talks passionately about wanting to be the next England manager. Oh dear.

O'SHEA GETS HIS KIT OFF

JOHN O'SHEA has left adidas execs in a spin by giving them the boot.

Just as the kit giant was about to unveil plans to base an arm of their marketing strategy around him, the Manchester United defender has switched allegiance to boot minnows Concave.

MANC BOY

IT'S not exactly "Welcome to Manchester" territory but United and City are in battle over a SIX-year-old.

Little Tom Shepard has been regularly playing for both clubs but his parents have so far refused to commit their son to either.

Didn't they learn anything from the Carlos Tevez affair?

DOWNER DOYLE

BIRMINGHAM'S new Chinese owners have a lot to learn about the English game. Or drinking games.

Brum chairman Vico Hui is shelling out for a Christmas visit to Glasgow next month after reserve keeper Colin Doyle downed a pint in an astonishing 2.5 seconds. It left Hui's sorry efforts in the shade on a recent, ahem, "bonding" session at a Chinese restaurant.

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