MY AGONY, BY KEVIN PIETERSEN

I WAS lying flat on my back, excruciating pain shooting through my leg and feeling as low as I've felt in my life.

And the thought struck me . . . I'll be damn glad to see the back of 2009!

I've never known a year like it. From losing the England captaincy six months ago and everything that went with it, through to today when all I'm thinking of doing is walking for the first time in five days when I should be facing Australia at Edgbaston this week.

People who know me will tell you I'm one of life's optimists. I try and bounce back from adversity as quickly as possible. Not this time, though.

Pain

At the moment all I'm feeling is low, low, low.

The pain from my Achilles operation is still ridiculously bad. On Friday I was in so much agony I had to call the England medical team and ask them to come and give me something to combat it.

That's when you realise how bad things had got, that it took a surgeon to dig a dirty great hole in my leg to repair the damage that had been done.

Thankfully, the surgeon didn't actually have to touch the tendon itself, it was more to clean out and repair all the debris that was affecting the Achilles.

Torture

Yet whatever the physical pain, it's nothing compared to the mental torture of the past week. To be out of an Ashes series is terrible, so bad I can hardly put it into words.

I pride myself on my Test record because 54 matches in a row is something special to a player who loves representing his country.

Now I know it's going to be another four years before I'll be facing the Aussies on home soil in front of our own fans who drive us on so brilliantly.

Leaving the dressing-room on Monday knowing there was a damn good chance I wouldn't be there again this series was as hard as anything I've had to do.

Spirit

The spirit amongst the lads was amazing. We'd shown it to save the game in Cardiff and now we were in there fighting, enjoying ourselves, putting the Aussies on the ropes. And then . . . ?

For me, nothing. Just a pair of crutches and six weeks away from the game I love.

I would have done anything to be there on Thursday at Edgbaston, geeing ourselves up for the Third Test. But I would only have been kidding - and damaging - myself if I'd tried to play on.

It took an epidural injection in my spine to get me through the First Test.

The medical team thought that might settle things down but by the middle of the Lord's Test there was something seriously wrong - and everybody knew it.

Nightmare

Running between the wickets was a nightmare and fielding was hell.

I said to Andrew Strauss: "Straussy, just put me in the gully because I can barely move" - and that's no good for a team battling to win the Ashes.

As soon as the game was over, I went to see a specialist. He got me on the treadmill, set the pace at a sedate 8kph without a gradient and asked me to run for 30 seconds . . . and I couldn't do it.

So there you have it, no other option but an operation. In on Wed- nesday, open the leg up, do the business and home to take it easy for five days.

The only thing that's helped me is that my mum and dad are over from South Africa. Without them and my wife, Jess, I'd be going out of my mind with frustration.

Aggravating

To have them around is fantastic and stops me thinking too much about the first serious injury I've ever suffered.

The stupid thing is that nobody truly knows what caused it.

I've read all the stuff about me aggravating it out in South Africa when I ran on the beach during the IPL but that's rubbish.

I played the next day in Durban and there was no problem at all. I certainly wasn't under any instruction not to jog.

Yes, I love running, that's more my thing than the gym. I prefer to hit the treadmill or the roads because I can just lose myself and get my head straight through the miles, but this is more a wear and tear injury than caused by running.

Exercises

But what ever the cause of the injury I'll listen to what the surgeon and the specialists have to say and make sure I protect the Achilles because I NEVER want a repeat of what I've been through the last month or so.

But it could be worse.

All I'm thinking of now is getting back to fitness and beginning proper rehab. I've been doing silly little exercises bending my ankle, but I'm up on crutches now so the hard work starts.

That doesn't stop my mind drifting back to the England dressing room.

The first day at Edgbaston in 2005 was one of the best moments of my career. It will live with me forever.

Support

I'll still be there because I want to be with the boys, showing my support, wishing them all the best.

I'll be thinking about how well we played at Lord's and how it will be another chance to beat Australia.

I'll be thinking of missing Freddie's final three Tests, of how inspirational he was on Monday and how it will be a real shame not to share another Test dressing room with him.

The boys have been brilliant. I've had messages of support from all of them, as I have from people all over the world.

But when you're injured, it's different. You're there but not really part of it.

That's what makes me so determined to get fit and get back to what I love doing best - playing cricket.

The Aussies are here again in four years . . . I'll be waiting.

This article has 2 comments