GARETH HOCK DRUGS SHAME
I kept taking it even though I was terrified of being caught
GARETH HOCK thought he could handle it. Get drunk, get high, have a laugh, live with the regrets the next morning . . . and then do it all again next time around.
For eight months it had been worth all the risk. Cocaine had become part of the lifestyle of the former Wigan star who should have had the rugby world at his feet but instead tossed it all away for drugs.
Hock insists he is no addict. But the price he's paid for a year of cocaine-induced thrills is a familiar one to anybody who has found themselves in the thrall of drugs.
His career is over, his reputation in tatters and life- long friendships are ruined. All because Hock star could simply not say 'No'.
He grew up as a streetwise kid on a tough estate in Wigan, finishing school with just one GCSE in PE and mixing with the wrong sort of lads. But Hock always had the dream of a rugby career and always believed he was strong enough to avoid the pitfalls his former school mates fell into.
Ironically, it was only when he began to sample success - and the trappings of wealth and fame which come with it - that Hock finally succumbed.
"It wasn't the best estate that I grew up on," he explained. "All my mates were from rough areas. If I hadn't had rugby I would probably have ended up like them - some have been in prison and that might have been me too.
"By the time they left school, my mates were doing drugs and it was always in my face and around me, but I didn't do it. I always resisted because of rugby. All I'd ever wanted to do was play rugby for Wigan and I was too scared to spoil that."
The strength and willpower that, as a teenager, had led him away from temptation finally deserted him a year ago.
Representing England in the World Cup in Australia had turned into something of a personal disaster as England were humiliated and Hock was forced to savour the downside of the game for almost the first time. Back home and once more drunk in a nightclub, Hock was offered cocaine.
"I was drunk and weak and I just tried it," he recalled. "I was hanging about with the wrong crowd, but they weren't egging me on - some of them tried to stop me. I'm old enough to make my own decisions and I didn't think much about it at the time, because of all the ale I'd drunk.
"I woke up the next morning and instantly regretted it. I wished I hadn't done it because it was at the back of my mind that I'd get caught. But then I kept doing it, probably again because of the booze, and because it was normal for all my mates.
"You know, I can't even say I had any great times doing it because you just wake up the next day and you're gutted for being so weak. Then I'd spend the next few days stressed out, worrying that the testers would come in and catch me. There is no enjoyment in it and it's not worth it. But it's taken something like this to finally stop me."
Even though he didn't particularly enjoy the experience - or the self-hatred that ravaged him the next morning - Hock was hooked into a habit that was slowly destroying him. For months he thought he could handle the shameful secret he'd kept hidden from his Wigan team-mates and club officials.
There were times he thought he could simply walk away from coke, just enjoy a few beers without the need for drugs. Instead, he was caught in a spiral that only came to an end after Wigan's Super League clash with Salford on Friday June, 5.
The previous weekend he'd taken coke, believing he was immune from capture, full of the posturing self-confidence that is a side-effect of long-term drugs use. But even buoyed by the bravado of having escaped for so long, something inside Hock knew his career was about to end.
The UK Sport drugs team didn't even approach the Wigan star for another two hours but Hock could sense his luck had run out. It was one risk too far. Even now, days after his two-year suspension from rugby league was confirmed, the magnitude of his stupidity has not registered.
"I had always been scared of getting caught by the testers," he admitted, "and I'd never done it that close to a game before. I was always stressed out for days after taking it, scared that I'd be found out. But, as usual it was ale that led me to have some.
"I was at a barbecue, boozing with the wrong crowd of mates. They were doing it and I ended up doing it even though I knew I was taking a risk."
Hock spent the next two days worrying, as he usually did, that fate was finally going to catch up with him. And, as he ran out for the pre-match warm-up at the JJB Stadium, Hock knew his worst fears were about to come true.
He said: "I saw the testers and I guessed that I'd be picked because I'd just been called up for the England game against France. It was playing on my mind throughout the warm-up and the game, although I ended up playing quite well.
"But straight after the game I was told I was to be tested and I was scared. It was 50-50 whether it was out of my system. If the game had been on the Saturday I would probably have been OK and I would have got away with it."
Hock, who was signed by Wigan for £11,000 as an 11-year-old, clung to the hope he might escape.
"I did the test and left the ground and thought in the back of my mind I might just have been clean," he said. "All the following week I was in Paris with England and every day I was expecting to get a call saying I had tested positive.
"I didn't hear anything, so by the end of the week, I was feeling a little bit more hopeful because I thought I'd have been told quickly if the testers had found something.
"The following week, the Wigan players had the week off because we didn't have a game and I went straight from Paris to Ibiza for a holiday. I was still worried, but I didn't hear anything and when I got home and there weren't any letters or telephone messages, I started to feel better.
Addict
"On the Monday I went into training and nothing happened so I thought I was okay and that I'd not been caught."
Alarm bells started ringing when Hock's brother-in-law, Huddersfield Giants star Kev Brown, phoned to says rumours were circulating that Hock had tested positive. It was a rumour that turned into horrifying reality later that day when Hock got the phone call that destroyed his career.
He said: "I'd gone for tea at my mum and dad's when I got a call from somebody from UK Sport. They said 'We've got some bad news for you' and my stomach just turned. Even though I'd been expecting it I still couldn't believe it had happened.
"I started crying because I knew I had cocked everything up. All I have ever done in my life is play rugby and I've got nothing to fall back on."
Blame
Hock insists he only ever got the drug off mates, rather than dealers, and never became an addict, saying: "When I was sober I didn't touch it. I could go for long spells without doing it. It just depended how drunk I was."
Hock has now shunned all his drug-taking mates, as part of his battle to beat his demons.
He said: "I do not blame them at all - they didn't shove it in me, it was my decision and my fault. But I can't be around them any more and I've told them I'm staying away from them from now on.
"They understand because they know I'm knuckling down and concentrating on getting my career back. Two years is a long time to be out but I'm determined that I can do it and get back playing and prove to people that I am clean."
This article has 21 comments
ANYBODY WHO EARNS A LIVING THIS WAY AND THROWS IT AWAY DO NOT DESERVE SYMPATHY WORKING ALL THE HOURS GOD SENDS TO MAKE ENDS MEET DOES
By NO SYMPATHY. Posted August 2 2009 at 11:48 AM.
never mind he could always do som moddeling
By matt. Posted July 29 2009 at 5:32 PM.
What a shame and what a bloody waste!
By Alan Skinner. Posted July 27 2009 at 1:43 PM.
work hard and keep clean if not for you do it for your son and the team as they need you as much you need them.
ps be good and ignore the crap.
By craig anderson. Posted July 15 2009 at 10:24 PM.
From what Gaz has said, and reading between the lines, I would guess there is a dual addiction problem there. Alcohol and Cocaine. One is socially acceptable, one is not. But both are equally horrendous and equally addictive. Gaz, you need to get yourself clean of both addictions. In my experience and opinion, the best way to do this is to first admit your addictions and then get to both AA and NA as soon as you can. It will be painful, but worth every bit of pain in the long term. Best of luck my friend.
By Brian. Posted July 15 2009 at 4:56 PM.
Unfortunately these seem to be the perils of money and a level of fame.
Get yourself straight, kick the habit and try and put something back into the community for these 2 years.
Take it as a positive - if you hadn't been caught, it may have gotten even worse.
If Wigan don't take you back, we'll have you at Salford!
By Singapore Steeps. Posted July 14 2009 at 2:53 AM.
Instead of wasting precious time 'revealing' your drug habits and feeding your addiction for sympathy/attention from the public, get into re-hab. Have some self-respect. You need to prove to yourself that you're 'clean', not us. Too much money, not enough common sense.
By anon. Posted July 13 2009 at 11:09 PM.
I admire your honesty Gareth, you are someone my kids look to as someone who has THE life!! I still feel betrayed by you and wondered what else was going to happen....... I was gutted! You now have to prove what you say is true and get out of this hole.. You will soon find out who your friends are too.. Get your head up and take some positive steps, talk to a councilor... I don't know if you will get another chance at superleague, i am not even sure you deserve one, but you gotta stand up and be counted now, you have a son to prove yourself too and if he is the only person who is still speaking to you then that should be reason enough. Get a back bone, speak to your team mates and appologise then explain to that lad before someone else does. He is 6 and he is not stupid ...
By JD. Posted July 13 2009 at 8:05 PM.
You've done the crime Gareth now do the time and come back to Wigan stronger and a lot wiser than you are now, you are the best second row forward in this country and I look forward to seeing you play again Good Luck.
By Janet Whittle. Posted July 13 2009 at 5:07 PM.
You deserve everything you get! you had it all and you have let yourself down along with RL ,a great family game. Children and young adults look up to professional players hoping just one day we can play on their halo turf. What next?? get yourself clean and get the help you are giving by your club and the RFL. 2 years is a long time out of the game so you will have plenty of time to reflect what a idiot you have been!
By martin smith. Posted July 13 2009 at 1:51 PM.
Keep you head up, two years will soon pass, Good luck.
By Martin. Posted July 13 2009 at 7:54 AM.
gaz my first reaction was you idiot, what was you thinking of, you have done right to get away from those druggies. you must be honest with yourself and be strong, think of your family you have let down, and also the loyal wigan fans who were there for you every game you let us all down, but we believe everyone deserves a 2nd chance not 3rd or 4th just 1 chance . so start again gaz & get sorted, and we hope to see you in 2yrs time fitter stonger, and more wiser. you owe it yourself, family and wigan rugby fans. GOOD LUCK GAZ XX
By san. Posted July 13 2009 at 12:14 AM.
The two seasons will soon pass gareth,stay strong,possitive and stay in shape, look after yourself and your family,your the best second row forward in the country if not in the world,look forward to seeing you soon pal, were all behind you ,martin
By martin whittle. Posted July 12 2009 at 11:10 PM.
the lad has been a fool but if the wigan club stand by him and help him through he will be back even better.
be tough gareth and help yourself to be better.
By warrior13. Posted July 12 2009 at 9:58 PM.
Get sorted mate and get back into the game. No excusses but let your playing do the talking in a couple of years!
Best of luck x
By Grumpy when Happy. Posted July 12 2009 at 8:27 PM.
he will be back ancient and loyal, wrlfc.
By chuck spitbacker. Posted July 12 2009 at 7:10 PM.
Fair Play for holding your head high after this . Been there and done that and it takes a lot to talk openly about it. I hoper you get another chance as it sounds like you deserve it.
By Just Say No. Posted July 12 2009 at 5:55 PM.
Gutted.. Im a Wigan season ticket holder who admired Hock. He's a fantastic player and will be missed whilst out of the game. Can't believe that he has done this. Hopefully he will come out of this even stronger. Just don't know if Wigan will keep him. Come on Gaz sort your self out and we will welcome you back at the cherry & whites.
By Lee. Posted July 12 2009 at 5:01 PM.
Keep your head high, knuckle down, pay the price, make amends and Wigan and the fans will stick with you!!
By Dx. Posted July 12 2009 at 12:30 PM.
Someone tell the lad if he signs on at his local Jobcentre Plus there's extra help available for people with drug problems-they'll have him pulling out weeds from a pensioners garden in no time-all part of the rehabilitation process.
By Dino Philipo. Posted July 12 2009 at 11:41 AM.
it was playing for a crap team like wigan that made him take it, shouldnt of done it lad what a waste of career
By pablo escobar. Posted July 12 2009 at 10:06 AM.