That's the opening to the strangest call of my life as AMY WINEHOUSE phoned the XS hotline to chat about love, music, friendship and even fancying CHERYL COLE.
The music superstar wasn't back to full form as she slurred, stumbled and cackled through the half-hour chat everyone wanted.
But there were some glimmers of hope from the recovering drug addict who had been on death's door just a year ago. First, Wino revealed she considers her getaway in St Lucia her official home, rather than her old haunt in Camden, north London.
But the beehived 25-year-old vowed to stay in the UK to (finally) record her new album - sung in English, rather than the Caribbean island's native language as she had planned.
Amy revealed: "I'm going to be in London for a while now.
"I'm not going to go HOME (to St Lucia) for a while. I've got a lot of stuff with my record company to sort out. This is a new chapter for me. I've got some things we're very excited about, definitely. I like being back."
I also asked the Back To Black singer if she's looking for someone to special to replace ex-husband BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL. She replied testily: "Again you read my mind. No I'm really NOT looking for a boyfriend."
My XSclusive pictures tell a different story, above, as Amy gets close with one of her bodyguards over drinks in Camden before we spoke. But she denied there's anything going on.
Wino also offered some advice for getting over a heartbreak, in an obvious reference to Blake, by saying: "Cry yourself to sleep cos that usually helps."
Then things got odd. When I asked her to chat about her favourite TV show, The X Factor, she began rolling around her kitchen laughing hysterically as she prepared a chicken dinner. She joked: "What does X Factor mean? I thought you meant my ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, I wasn't sure." Only a mention of Ms Cole cheered her up as she yelled in her deep Cockney accent: "I know Cheryl, she's the fit one!"
But Amy turned serious as she spoke about how the only person in the world she can trust is her best friend - a 13-year-old called Dionne Bromfield who she has made the first signing to her new record company.
"I've missed Dionne since I've been in St Lucia. Very much," Amy admitted.
She said her teenage goddaughter is the first person she turns to for help. She explained: "All the time I'll come to her and say, 'Dionne, I don't know what to do about this'.
"She'll say something to me that makes complete sense.
"Me and Dionne are best friends. We're not just godmother and daughter, we're best friends.
"All I do with Dionne is play guitar with her and sing with her. And kiss her and cuddle her."
Amy is currently in the midst of a highly sensitive divorce from Blake, who wants up to £6million of her fortune.
But she's the first to concede money is not at the forefront of her mind.
"I went into business about seven years ago when I first signed my publishing deal. But I'm not good with that side of things, I'm good at the creativeness," she said.
"The record company director is me. But all me and Dionne do is creative, we're not good at dealing with business. That's not us. That's bulls***." During a surprisingly lucid moment she insisted: "Dionne is my first signing. It's important to me that everything goes the way it should go and that she's comfortable with it."
And then, after going from aggression to hysterics to complete madness and back again, Amy has to get dinner out of the oven.
But she can't resist a final wicked piece of humour as she giggles: "Darling listen, you've probably got more ex-boyfriends than me!
"It's been lovely. We're cooking some chicken so we've got to go. You're not invited. God Bless! Bye!"
Yes, the Wino whirlwind is most definitely back!
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This article has 16 comments
AMY!IT'S A PITTY!!!YOU DON'T NOW HOW GOOD YOU ARE!!!!!
FOR ME YOU ARE THE BEST SINGER!KEEP YOUR MIND TOGETHER!!!A BABY WILL SAFE YOU FROM DOING MORE STUPID THINKS!!!AND WILL BRING YOU BACK TO THE EARTH!!!!I'M A BIG FAN OFF YOU,AND WE LOVE YOU!!!A BIG KISS FFROM IBIZA.
By MIEKAELA FEKKES.. Posted August 27 2009 at 12:13 AM.
AMY!YOU ARE THE BEST SINGER AND ACTRICE IN YEARS!!!I'M STILL WAITING FOR YOUR NEW ALBUM!!!IT WILL BE A BESTSELLER AGAIN!!!PEOPLE LOVE YOU, AND YOUR MUSIC,AND YOUR IMAGE!!!!
A BIG KISS FROM A BIG FAN FROM IBIZA-----I WISCH YOU ALL THE BEST IN THE WORLD!!!!WE
LOVE YOU!!!
MIEKAELA FEKKES.
By miekaela fekkes.. Posted August 27 2009 at 12:06 AM.
FANTASTIC
By Donna.. Posted August 10 2009 at 6:52 AM.
Kal, you took the words right from my fingers. Amy Winehouse will never get better as long as people keep 'humoring' her and excusing her behavior. I really hope she gets it together so that she can fulfill her company's contract and get the help she so desperately needs. By the time she's 30 years of age, her liver may explode.
By Boo Joulais.. Posted August 10 2009 at 2:36 AM.
Amy yuh rock gyal! keep shinin an keep believing in yourself! ive been where youve been an ive come out the other side there really is light........at the end of the tunnel! you have so much to give......not to us fans but to yourself. Believe in yourself......love and light. May god bless you and keep you safe always, he's the only man in my life only one i trust xxx
By lee.. Posted August 10 2009 at 12:20 AM.
Amy yuh rock gyal! keep shinin an keep believing in yourself! ive been where youve been an ive come out the other side there really is light........at the end of the tunnel! you have so much to give......not to us fans but to yourself. Believe in yourself......love and light. May god bless you and keep you safe always, he's the only man in my life only one i trust xxx
By lee.. Posted August 10 2009 at 12:19 AM.
Where did you hear this song WHEN MY EYES)? I'd like to hear it, too! Can anybody give me some links or something, please?
By Annais.. Posted August 9 2009 at 10:13 PM.
Amy your a great singer and i reakon a great friend to people your close too. I was on every thing. You name it i had put it in my body, i lost every thing coes of it . Please babe dont be taken in by so called mates. i no you ant daft. But in that game you cant trust no one. Im clean now not having as much fun but enjoying life loads more. The great die young i pry that dont happen to you. Looking forward to your new album. love ya nikki
By nikki.. Posted August 9 2009 at 1:54 PM.
Don't leave but any torments your heart!
Be always yourself, love and left bitter!
In the sky in London it shines your star
Sing! Sing for me, and for all the people that love you!
With immense love, Pierluigi
By Pierluigi.. Posted August 9 2009 at 10:19 AM.
Such a great talent cannot drown in a glass of wine or in a hole of a syringe!
At times you succeed in being a lioness, other times you seem a wet rabbit.
Lioness or wet rabbit my princess stays always!
I wait u!
<3 Pierluigi
By Pierluigi.. Posted August 9 2009 at 10:12 AM.
I love amy and cant wait for her new album... I really hope she is fixing up and sorting herself out as she is too talented to waste herself away on drink and drugs!!
Where can i hear this new song? Eyes wide???
By Jo horler.. Posted August 9 2009 at 7:54 AM.
Agreed..When My Eyes is an amazing song! If not on the new album, it should be part of any new deluxe set!
By ad.. Posted August 9 2009 at 4:58 AM.
Yay! Go Amy! Can't wait for her new album, she will have a difficult time trying to top Back to Black though.
By Dean.. Posted August 9 2009 at 3:32 AM.
Amy is back and on the mend... Amy we love you, please never go back down that road again xx
By Jo.. Posted August 9 2009 at 2:37 AM.
She's takin advice from a 13 year old, yup she truly is on the road to recovery......
By Kal.. Posted August 9 2009 at 2:29 AM.
We love you Amy. Your life seems to be on the up again. I do hope you record the superb song you wrote called WHEN MY EYES on your new album. It is a shame such a tremendous song hasn't come out yet.
By Keith Price.. Posted August 9 2009 at 1:51 AM.