Dermot: Saint Jedward

DEAR Reader, I don't want to sound like a broken record.

(Records were how we listened to music in my day - if it means nothing to you think scratched CD or, erm, wonky download).

But given the goings-on of the last few weeks, it would be most wrong of me to focus on anything other than the phenomenon, nay religion, that is John and Edward - or Jedwardism.

Say what you will about the boys (and many millions of you certainly do that) but so far in the competition, they've probably been given the hardest job.

Each week they've had big performances to do with a lot of choreography (last night's Ghostbusters has got to be my favourite so far) and Brian Friedman is constantly tearing his hair out working with them (once upon a time he looked like Jamie Afro). But they generally get there or thereabouts in the end.

I mean, even though they're not what you might call polished performances - eg last week's mindblowing rendition of We Will Rock You, a song that basically consists of four words but which the twins still managed to get wrong - J&E chuck themselves into it and give a hundred per cent.

So we're five weeks into the series and they're still here. And they were the bookies' favourites to go in week one! Clearly they're providing a lot of entertainment, and the question on everyone's lips now is not so much why are they still in the competition, but can they win the blooming thing?

Well, at the moment, you'd have to bet against them. We've had some really great performances in the last couple of weeks, the thoroughbreds are coming to the fore.

Olly's Come Together was blinding, Geordie Joe keeps on getting straight As from the judges, Jamie's Get Your Rocks Off stormed it, Stacey's singing and moving (I wouldn't quite call it dancing) has been a revelation and Lucie has even got Simon to change his mind about her.

But, week in, week out, when I stand there at the tensest moment in the show and read out the names of who is safe, there they are, John and Edward.

Does it still surprise me? Yes, it does - but less and less so. I mean, the PR these two 18-year-olds from Dublin are getting is incredible, and they haven't even hired Max Clifford. People just can't stop writing and talking about them.

Even the leader of Her Majesty's Opposition, David Cameron, has commented on them. Apparently he's a J&E addict. I just hope it doesn't lead to harder stuff like Pepsi and Shirley or Robson and Jerome. And then there's Simon himself saying he'd move abroad if the twins won the show.

I fear he may well have scored something of an own goal. Vote for John and Edward and Simon will leave the country - or don't vote for John and Edward and Simon will stay? Hmm, tough choice.

So we're now facing the very real possibility of seeing the boys make it to the final and even run out as winners, yet I have not met one person who will admit to voting for them. (I'm guessing David Cameron does, but I haven't actually met him).

Instead people are still booing them every week. In fact, maybe they're only booing to hide the fact they actually voted for them.

Ultimately, I have no idea how much further they'll go in the competition - they're an enigma. But I'll tell you one thing: If they get to final we're going to have a right job finding someone to duet with them.

Bridge

"Hi Beyoncé, it's The X Factor. Look, you did such a great job last year with Alexandra, we wondered if you'd like to come back and duet with one of this year's finalists . . . Who? Oh, a couple of guys called John and Edward . . . Hello? . . . Hello? . . . are you still there?"

Maybe we'll have to try and get Bros to reform, or ask Ant and Dec to dust down their hip-hop gear, or spring Ray Parker Junior from retirement, or see if Same Difference are available that night.

I guess we'll cross that bridge if and when we come to it but, in what is looking to be the most open X Factor in years, the dark horses are couple of neon-clad Irish teenagers who are gelled up to the eyeballs and speak with a weird mid-Atlantic twang.

Who'd have thought it? Simon, you just might need to book that one-way ticket . . .

A LAST word on Rachel. She was one of the best singers in the competition, and we all wish her the best of luck.

It just goes to show that it's not necessarily about who has the best voice - you need to be an entertainer, you need stage presence, you need to connect with the audience and. of course, you need to have that indefinable quality called . . . the X Factor.

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