Three days to go!

Here we go again. Is it really only two years since Shilpa, Dirk and Jade entertained and appalled us? How time flies.

On Friday it all starts again. Rumours are rife about who's going in. I'm betting on a few no shows myself. According to Phil Edgar-Jones - a head honcho with a soothing Scottish voice who does the Diary Room kiss-off when he's telling someone "I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you to leave the Big Brother House" - whom I spoke to yesterday, all the celebs are at home - right now.

Unlike the normals, who get to spend a fortnight in a hotel in the South of France, with only a chaperone for company, and no TV and newspaper access, this lot are at home. Reading the papers and eating leftover turkey. Some of them may even be reading this.

I remember Donny Tourette from two years ago. Who was he? What kind of a celebrity was he? A last minute replacement for Justin Hawkins, that's what.

Spooky

So anyway, yesterday, for the very first time, I visited the actual house. Kind of spooky, yet, somehow remarkably familiar. Where had I seen this place before?

SPOOKY: I'm sure I've seen this house somewhere before

My first impression was how small the whole thing was (aside from the diary room, which was strangely huge, relative to everything else). There were five beds in B-Block, all far too close together for my kind of comfort. The luxury bedroom wasn't much bigger. The beds, we were told are bigger for the celebs.

Why? Are celebrities taller than the rest of us?

There are no cameras in the loos and showers, either. Thankfully. No one wants to watch Ulrika sitting on the toilet.

Do they?

There's still a prison, only it's a lot bigger, and it's even got a bench. The nomination pod also exists, but they're not sure if they're going to use it. Depends how boring it gets, I suppose.

And the smoker's ashtray is part-covered this year because it's winter.

There is a theme to this year, too. It's going to be about "What it means to be a celebrity". How very post-modern.

Shocker

There is also going to be an electric shock task too, just like the one we had in the summer, I imagine. But no box task. One of the celebs is a bit claustrophobic, apparently. Which means he's gone on the wrong show. I must say, walking into the house, I felt I really wouldn't last one night without doing a Sandy and making a break for freedom.

Thirteen weeks inside? Imagine. Anyway, this lot are only getting three. So maybe we won't have any Vanessa Feltz-like breakdowns, or Leo Sayer tantrums.

As if!