Paul O'Grady: I was a burglar
Comic reveals secret past in sensational new autobiography
KING of camp Paul O'Grady's sensational autobiography is set to be the biggest showbiz book of 2008. At My Mother's Knee . . . And Other Low Joints is in the charts ahead of Dawn French and even Parky.
The Scouse comic who shot to fame as drag act Lily Savage is now a national treasure, with a chat show watched by millions and a brand new MBE. But here, in extracts from his book, he tells of his shock at becoming a teen dad and his parents' horror that he was gay.
Paul also reveals how he SHAMED his family by thieving, STREAKED in front of royalty and SCOFFED cannabis with his mum.
AS a daytime telly star or blond bombshell Lily Savage, Paul O'Grady can be relied upon to steal the show from anyone brave enough to share his stage.
But as a teen tearaway growing up in Birkenhead he became a real-life thief and even stole a gun-to the eternal shame of his parents.
"It was an indefensible crime and I make no attempt to absolve myself," says Paul, 53.
"I had done it out of boredom and an unquenchable thirst for excitement.
"I swear we did it just so we could have a good nose around the homes of the 'posh'. If Location, Location, Location had been on the telly at the time none of it would have happened."
Arrest
It wasn't as if Paul, then 14, was much good at crime.
"In one heist we chose not to take anything except an oil painting of a ship and an old pirate's pistol," he says.
"We decided to flog them to a shop. Turned out that the pistol was an 18th century flintlock, one of a pair, and the oil was a valuable and recognisable artwork. The manager called the police and we were nicked."
The shock of the arrest took its toll on his law-abiding dad Patrick.
Paul says: "My dad had thrown up with shock. He had actually vomited in the kitchen when the police came to tell him they were holding me at the station. When I appeared before the beak in six months' time, I was given a £60 fine. My dad had paid it and I paid him back when I started work. Or, at least half of it. He didn't have the heart to take any more.
"He had told me to keep it. 'You'll only have it off me again anyway when you're skint and on the cadge'. I didn't deserve him."
Three years later, 17-year-old Paul landed in trouble with police again, this time accused of stealing a bottle of Campari from a hotel in Berkshire, the Wheatsheaf, where he was working.
He writes: "The magistrate spoke of my crime as if it was the theft of an incubator from a premature baby. After threatening me with prison he fined me £50 and put me on probation."
His parents also struggled to cope with Paul's growing realisation that he was gay. He reveals: "When I was 18, I'd asked my mother, 'What would you say if I said I was gay?'
"She replied, 'I'd be obliged if you didn't go talking like that in front of your father. Then she chortled, 'Nothing would surprise me about you. Just don't let me catch you wearing my clothes. Gay? Gay, me a**e'!"
He adds: "The subject was never mentioned again." But Paul lived to deeply regret the pain he'd caused his parents when they both suffered heart attacks within days of each other.
When Patrick lay dying in hospital, his mum Molly told her son: "This is you, this. You've put him in there with your shenanigans and your bloody carry-on." She had suffered her own non-fatal heart attack days earlier and it was unfounded fear that his wife might die that put Patrick in the same hospital as his wife. "He couldn't face a life without my mother and, thinking she was dying, slipped away himself," says Paul. "The doctor said if he could put cause of death as 'broken heart' on the death certificate he would have."
On the day of his father's death, Paul received more shocking news in a call from Diane, a girl he had dated before accepting he was gay. He reveals: "The phone rang. Reluctantly I went to answer it. It was Diane. 'How are you?', she asked. I told her, 'Well me dad's dead and me mother's at death's door. Things couldn't get worse, really'.
"'Oh God, they could and they have,' she said. 'I'm pregnant. You're going to be a father'."
But the bombshell turned out to be a blessing and Diane and Paul's daughter Sharyn was there this week when he collected his MBE from Prince Charles. Paul behaved impeccably at his investiture-a far cry from the time he cavorted naked in front of royalty.
"In the summer of 1973 I remember streaking across the lawn with a friend, butt-naked in the middle of a garden party, in front of Lord Snowdon (Princess Margaret's husband). Embarrassing now, but exhilarating and liberating back then." A few years later Paul found himself on another high-getting stoned with his mother, then a pensioner. He was 24 and living with Molly when she confronted him over cannabis she'd found in his room.
When he told her what it was, she replied: "You mean mara-hadge-a- wana? Mother of God, tell me please you're not a bloody drug addict."
Then she stunned Paul by asking to try it. "She never ceased to amaze me. My 67-year-old mother, a pillar of the Union Catholic Mothers, was considering eating hashish. I cut a few slivers. She took the biggest and, pulling an exaggerated face, she swallowed it down with a big swig of tea.
"She sat for a moment. 'It hasn't worked,' she said. Mine had kicked in. She must have the constitution of a horse, I thought, keeping a careful eye on her as she stared into the hearth, smiling to herself. The penny dropped.
"She was off her face."
PAUL O'Grady: At My Mother's Knee . . . And Other Low Joints is published by Bantam Press, £18.99. Order for £17.09 (with FREE P&P) from notwbookshop.co.uk or call 08700 707717.
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This article has 46 comments
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE write another book ive never laughed so much reading a book in my life and we need you to carry on where you left off .loved the photos by the way.the book brought back lots of child hood memories like my mum and nan floeting round the house in their brentford nylon dressing gowns
By jackie ford. Posted October 31 2009 at 11:08 PM.
Thought your book was absolutely great. Cant ever remember laughing out loud when reading a book. Roll on the next instalment.
By christine james. Posted June 24 2009 at 5:30 PM.
well what can i say what a brilliant book im not a reader but this book i coudnt put down its so brill going back in time gust how it was when i was a child when is the next book ready i want it now love d xxxxxxxxxxxx
By denise . Posted May 29 2009 at 5:36 PM.
my friend has asked for the latest of Pauls book is this the one titled at my mothers knee.
Paul has a wonderful sense of humour.
By joan barfield. Posted May 12 2009 at 10:33 AM.
your book was brilliant ,thanks PAUL .love you ,buster ,and olga .xxxxxxxxxxxxx
By delia. Posted May 9 2009 at 4:10 PM.
ive just started readin the book im at chaper 10, its well good i was up from 10 till 1:30 in the morning i couldn't put it down its ace and his mum so cracks me up i can tell wer he gets his personality from.
Love paul hes great and i love to hear about his life it really interest me. Normaly it takes me ages to read a full book but i seem to be goin through paul's book really fast.
Great book Paul weldone xxx
By Laura . Posted May 4 2009 at 4:48 PM.
Have now read your book THREE times! Hope the next one is published soon. You can certainly make me laugh.
By Iris. Posted April 17 2009 at 9:39 AM.
book fantastic i felt you were in my room telling me your life not reading your book.I think your a brilliant guy and roll on your next book
By jenny macgregor. Posted April 3 2009 at 11:34 PM.
Loved your book Paul. Laughed out loud many times
while reading it. When is your next one??
That was a cliff-hanger you left us with!!
I`m sure your parents are looking down, and so
proud of you now!
Thanks for all the fun. Love you lots .
Wendy in Dublin.
By Wendy. Posted March 19 2009 at 7:49 PM.
I LOVE PAUL he is fantastic. The book is brillant PLEASE do another book Paul luv u loadz xxxxxxx
By Lani-May. Posted February 11 2009 at 6:07 PM.
I got this book for Christmas and as Paul would describe as such...."It's a cracking read!"
By Belle. Posted January 10 2009 at 7:21 AM.
I got this book for Christmas and as Paul would describe as such...."It's a cracking read!"
By Belle. Posted January 10 2009 at 7:15 AM.
Anyone who read this book and did not laugh their heads off must be aliens cos it is very very funny - it was as if Paul was reading to to me himself. Paul is a great talented man. All I can say is HURRY UP WITH THE NEXT BOOK PAUL well done you get a 10 from me xx
By norah bennett. Posted January 9 2009 at 9:25 AM.
we think the book was great well done to paul
By carol hampton . Posted January 3 2009 at 6:57 PM.
Paul's book was very entertaining, is he working on the next? My 26 year old daughter love's him! she knew I wanted his book and bought it for me for Christmas. The Wheatsheaf pub in Virginia Waters is still there Paul
although I doubt if any of the same staff are! we go for walks in the beautiful park at the back, now when I look at the pub I will think of poor you slogging your guts out! all those years ago! wonder what it's like now? God Bless You!
By Mrs.Leone Evrenos.. Posted January 3 2009 at 4:50 PM.
hi Paul just want to say your book is fantastic and im so glad that after everything you have been through you still managed to pick your self up. I really hope you do another book about the birth of your beutiful daughter. I love you and your show channel 4 isnt the same without it. I hope one day that i will meet you that would be a dream come true. Thanks for telling your story. Luv you loads xxxxxxxxx
By shona foster. Posted December 30 2008 at 12:24 PM.
I love pauls book i cound'nt put it down. It made me laugh a cry. I really hope paul does another book i would defo get it thanks for the book Paul luv u loads xxxxxxx
By shona . Posted December 29 2008 at 5:09 PM.
I knew Paul when he would have taken your head off for offering him a sausage role . I loved him on at the Vauxhall with Sandra Hush . I am 57 and Still Here Nice One Lily.
By Trevor Stubbs . Posted December 24 2008 at 2:33 AM.
heya paul i ant red ya book but my mum as got it n im always askin er for all the interestin parts of the book lol, but i bet its ace, i luv yuuuu ta bits u always make me laugh n im always watchin ya show thts brill, well dun for ya MBE yu deserve it, n well dun ta ya nta award to i wer votin for ya evreyday on the com hehe, n wen they called ya name out i scremed realy loud n clapped n nearly woke the nabers haha!!, i wer so happy, i hope i meet yu 1 day tht wud be brill, i luv singin so hopefully if i get famous, i cud go on ya show? i auditoned 4 britains got talent but i dont no if ive got frow, fingers crossed, okii luv ya n always will byeee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
By laura. Posted December 2 2008 at 6:12 PM.
normally i dont have paitence to read books, as i have three types of epelepicy but i love the show and ur personality and always make me laugh, u have true freinds and i admire u. so when i bought ur book i had to forget about my epelepicy and just read it at first i was gonna take my time but i got started and just couldnt for the life of me put it down. i loved it thanx for all the laughs. keep it up paul x x
By kelly patchett. Posted December 2 2008 at 2:13 PM.
Paul O'Grady always makes me laugh but........
Why couldn't his publishers get their English grammar correct for a book title.
Paul O'Grady might like the opportunity to tell them where they should have put the apostrophe!
By Sylvia. Posted November 30 2008 at 10:59 AM.
A copy of Paul O'Gradys book was recently passed on to me, thank god I didn't waste my money on the rubbish. The book is full of errors, incorrect dates, out and out lies. Watching this boring know-all is worse than watching paint dry.
By James. Posted November 18 2008 at 12:36 AM.
pauls autobiography AT MY MOTHERS KNEE was truly fantastic and true to life !! when is the next comming out ? cant wait ! as i have read the biography so when is pauls follow up to his autobiography out ?
By mary. Posted November 6 2008 at 2:26 PM.
what a truely wonderfull honest man who believes in old fashion family values and his honest enough to admit past mistakes and regret them the book is brilliant brought back many memories of my own childhood and had me laughing into the early morning my husband thought i had lost my marbles
keep up the good work paul love ya
By margaret mclean. Posted October 26 2008 at 4:01 PM.
And I suppose you were perfect, Sharon. We all make mistakes, Paul has his faults just like the rest of us, but has made no attempt to cover them up. Paul must be commended for turning his life around, not condemed. Paul, you are a national treasure, you bring laughter and joy to millions,thank you. Congratulations on your MBE Paul, so richly deserved.
By Michelle. Posted October 26 2008 at 9:39 AM.
i'm a filipina carer working here in UK and one of your countless fans!!! I don't know why. I don't like dogs but I LOVE BUSTER!!! So glad to know you've been to the Philippines. I've read your book, Paul! Crying and laughing while reading it, especially the first chapter. Thanks lot, Paul for making people happy. I wish to see you really, to have my book signed... never mind your detractors, Paul! In our language, INGGIT LANG SILA!!!
By maria. Posted October 22 2008 at 10:44 PM.
loveled your book made me cry at the end,can;t wait for the next one,love you from eileen
By eileen. Posted October 22 2008 at 3:48 PM.
God save Britain if we can celebrate these programs as being significant.
'You know the old saying "Let those without sin cast the first stone,"Paul O,grady. Big Stone for you.
By Mr Boludo. Posted October 21 2008 at 10:10 AM.
just read the auto-biography whilst on holiday..couldnt put it down - had me in stitches!!! Cant wait til book number 2!! Paul is an absolute legend - a treasure!!! 5 o'clock aint the same without Paul on the box!!
By joanne connelly. Posted October 20 2008 at 7:14 PM.
Paul congrats on the MBE. Looking forward to reading the book. Love your show you always make me & my family laugh so much, keep up the good work.
I agree with j. ward:
" Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"......
By Phyl Marsh. Posted October 20 2008 at 6:49 PM.
who has the nerve to say that paul o'grady isn't a great man because at the moment i watch his show everyday and i think he is so talented and funny who is loved by millions.
By alex. Posted October 20 2008 at 6:36 PM.
Great Book, Enjoyed Thoughly..... Love Your Show As Well. You Make Me Laugh Always...
By Annie Endicott. Posted October 20 2008 at 3:23 PM.
i`ve not long finished reading your book and it was great-i laughed and i cried.well done you for turning your life round,your mum and dad would be so proud of you and so must the rest of your family.i just want to know now, if you`ll be bringing the second part of your book out,myself and many others would love to know what happenened after the birth of your lovely daughter sharon.
keep up the good work that you do-my family and i love watching you on t.v
love and best wishes xxxxxx
By patricia mcg. Posted October 20 2008 at 2:22 PM.
jen and sharon you aint got a clue about talent. well done paul your a truly honest and luvly bloke. its a shame a lot more people arnt as honest as you. congrats on the MBE you deserve it
By sue. Posted October 19 2008 at 10:38 PM.
I've just this minute finished reading the book. It's brilliant and definaty one i'll read again. Great work Paul pease wrote another one.
By Ann. Posted October 19 2008 at 9:10 PM.
this book is a great read very funny and honest keep up the good work paul cant wait for book 2 great show long may you reign
By claudine. Posted October 19 2008 at 6:36 PM.
I'm in the prossess of reading Paul O'Grady's book.Its so funny,i find myself laughing out loud. Cant wait for the next one.So Paul get cracking!Congrats on the MBE
By jane. Posted October 19 2008 at 6:20 PM.
he is not funny, not talented and the accent is worse than cilla's. why is he famous??
By jen . Posted October 19 2008 at 4:29 PM.
making people laugh, his work in Africa and other charitable deeds more than make up for any silly mistakes he made in his youth
By roger. Posted October 19 2008 at 3:16 PM.
At least he as turned his life around.What a star and super performer he is. Well done PAUL you always make us all laugh
Richard from Gravesend
By richard. Posted October 19 2008 at 12:33 PM.
the book is brilliant, long may this man be the king of tea time TV, hes a star!
By Neil Wilkes. Posted October 19 2008 at 12:22 PM.
my goodness, sooo cant wait to get this book, paul is not god but certainly as close as!!!!!!!
By wendy. Posted October 19 2008 at 11:48 AM.
what a truely honest man who makes so many people enjoy there days.keep up the good work paul.
By drdod. Posted October 19 2008 at 11:40 AM.
Sharon get over yourself! he admits he was wrong when he was young. He deserves a good life now. He brings laughter to millions don't be so petty!
Good on you Paul long may you reign.
By karen. Posted October 19 2008 at 9:32 AM.
What an utterly shameful man who does not deserve any airtime.
By Sharon. Posted October 19 2008 at 9:04 AM.
You know the old saying "Let those without sin cast the first stone,"Paul O,grady has brought laughter to millions
By john ward. Posted October 19 2008 at 8:22 AM.