Elaine C Smith's story - in her own words

ELAINE C Smith shot to fame playing Mary Doll in TV's Rab C Nesbitt and is now one of Scotland's best-loved showbiz stars.

IN this first exclusive extract from her life story, Nothing Like A Dame, she tells of the scariest thing she's ever done - stripping off to star in the stage version of Calendar Girls.

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IN July 2008, I flew down to London to meet the rest of the Calendar Girls cast - Gaynor Faye, Julia Hills, Lynda Bellingham, Patricia Hodge and Siân Phillips.

I had to meet them, take my kit off and get my photo taken doing it! It was a pretty weird first meeting.

We all trooped into the kitchen in our dressing gowns, said "hello" to the photographer and crew, got our props (things like knitting, sunflowers, buns and me with a copy of The People's Friend to strategically hide my bits), put a fixed grin on our faces and kept eye contact all the way through the shoot.

We didn't look below the neck when speaking, as we didn't know each other well enough to peek and, well, it's rude to look, isn't it?

It all felt very new and strange, and I was definitely out of my comfort zone, but as the saying goes: "I said I could do it when I wrote in."

As I left Glasgow before rehearsals, I had real second thoughts. I had given up another tour in Scotland and a TV show for this. What if it was a disaster?

Rehearsals were not easy due to the pressure on the show to be a success, combined with the knowledge that some West End theatre productions were sold out before the first week of rehearsals.

The central piece of the show is the calendar shoot itself, where the six women meet in the village hall to do the deed. It should be funny, cheeky, sexy, fast and brave. It did all of that and more, but getting there was a logistical nightmare.

The idea was that the audience would see the set-up then the taking of the photo - so the nudity was only for a few seconds and no one was ever totally exposed - but the audience should see the finished shot as the flash of the camera went off.

We rehearsed it with our clothes on, but the day of nudity was getting closer and it was like the big elephant in the room that none of us spoke about except in hushed tones.

Getting our kit off in front of each other was actually worse than doing it in front of an audience!

It seemed to take weeks of rehearsal to get it right. We had to feel really secure in it so that when we got in front of an audience we were in control.

It was like a dance - a wonderful piece of choreography - and I have to say that in 304 shows it never failed to have audiences cheering.

Lynda broke the tension by taking her top off one day when we didn't expect it. We had rehearsed fully clothed and then one day she was standing there topless.

We all gasped, laughed and applauded her for getting it out of the way. Then it was our turn.

I didn't actually feel too bad, as my shot was at the piano, so though I had to be naked, it was my back that was exposed to the audience - it wasn't full-frontal nudity. And actually, as the tour went on, I got braver and braver and eventually didn't care, so sat there with the "crack of my a***" showing too - ach, who cares!

I think my disrobing was liberating for many of the women in the audience of the not-so-skinny, 14-16 size, and it certainly freed me up a bit.

The tyranny and fascism of size and weight of women in the Western world is so oppressive. I would like to say that I am immune to it, but I am not. I have been hung up on and have struggled with my weight since I first dieted as a size 12 at the age of 15.

The number of women who called me brave during that tour was amazing; but, for me, "brave" is saving someone's life, or climbing a mountain, or sailing round the world - not a plump 50-year-old woman getting her kit off.

But it was liberating and I felt beautiful, too. I even had a lovely gay man in the audience in London tell me that he felt so uplifted when I took my clothes off that he wanted to take his off too - I'm glad he didn't, but I got his point!

Our difficulty came with the opening in Chichester, because the seats are on three sides of the theatre, so a few lucky (or unlucky) folks got a bit more of a view.

Even though it was exhausting, the reaction we received from the audience more than made up for it.

The best performance was the night that all the girls - the real Women's Institute members from Yorkshire who inspired the film and play - came to view the show. At the end the audience gave them a standing ovation, and deservedly so, as Leukaemia Research has gained over £2million and still rising out of what they did.

READ more extracts from Elaine's book in this week's Scottish News of the World.

ORDER Nothing Like A Dame today and SAVE £2.70 on the normal price. To get your copy for £15.29 (RRP £17.99) with free P&P call 0845 271 2137 or visit notwbookshop.co.uk

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