Mud for it

Fethiye

THE smallest of my grubby children gave a cheeky grin . . . then tripped and fell face-first into the warm, bubbling gloop.

It was inevitable, of course. A small boy and a lake of liquid mud? Well, you know what's going to happen. And, to be fair, the grown-ups at this attraction were setting the example.

Five minutes wallowing in mud heated by the Earth's core, followed by a giant sulphur-smelling thermal bath, and you're meant to look 10 years younger. You don't, of course . . . but you FEEL like you do.

The real miracle was that our children ended up slightly cleaner than they had been for months.

What DID take years off us adults was the luxurious resort: Club Letoonia. It's an all-inclusive paradise near the bustling town of Fethiye, in south-east Turkey.

Guests stay in a village of ridiculously pretty apartments nestling on a palm-strewn finger of land pointing out into the warm Mediterranean.

There are six top-notch restaurants, five pools, a shopping centre, amusement arcade and jaw-dropping spa.

Skimpy

Try a Turkish bath or massage there if you want to feel really relaxed.

When you tire of sun- bathing, there's all sort of free activities including crazy golf, archery, scuba-diving, para- gliding, microlighting, sailing, windsurfing, canoeing, pedalos and beach volleyball (stop sniggering at the back of the class). If mums and dads want a little free time, they can put the kids into the free Mini Club for a morning, afternoon or the whole day.

The food at Letoonia is world class. And if you can drag yourself away from your table, there are brilliant shows in the resort theatre every night.

Comedy is followed by cabaret: very fit male dancers with rippling six packs and incredibly beautiful female dancers in skimpy costumes.

In spite of the resort's "free" booze, there seems to be absolutely NO drunkenness or bad behaviour.

But one thing in abundance is Russians. Everywhere. Large numbers of huge ones with no apparent neck, in the company of gorgeous, slim blondes (well, YOU work out what's going on).

During the day, the entertainment team trawl sunbathers desperately trying to find Brits to take part in their tug-o-war games. Unsurprisingly, the massive Russians tend to win every time.

If you want to get out and about, Thomson, who we booked our holiday with, offer a brilliant range of tours.

The one we liked the best was the turtle river trip, visiting the lake where the classic Katherine Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart movie The African Queen was filmed.

The tour ends on one of the longest, loveliest sandy beaches in the country.

For the best scenic variety, a Land-Rover safari into the mountains is a must. The trip involves a convoy of open-topped cars, a fairly long drive through the gorgeous countryside and a waterfall.

The safari leader is a cheeky-chappy double for Corrie's Craig Charles (you get the picture).

And his sole purpose in life seems to be to soak the tourists.

Fresh

When you reach the waterfall you are invited to stand underneath it. Anyone who doesn't fancy it, is liberally doused with water from a bottle.

Don't worry: In the Turkish summer heat, you dry off in a few minutes.

For lunch, you stop at a massive trout farm where you have fresh, barbecued-yes, you've guessed it-chicken. Only kidding. That's the alternative if you don't like trout.

Then it's off to ANOTHER mud bath. This one is the muddy bank of a river bed which smells suspiciously of cow pee. When you see the cows standing next to it later, you realise why!

A quick wash in the fresh river water, then it's back to base. But not before you stop at a garage with its own café and swimming pool.

If only our local Tesco petrol station was like this!

GETTING THERE:

THOMSON offers seven nights all-inclusive at the 4T Club Letoonia in Fethiye from £425 per adult based on two people sharing. Child price £286. The price includes flights from Gatwick, transfers, taxes and charges based on October 16 departure. For more information visit www.thomson.co.uk or call 0871 2315596.

Istanbul

CRAVING celebrity-style pampering at pauper prices? Then head to Istanbul and Turk it easy in a hammam the A-listers rave about.

Film star Cameron Diaz stripped for a steam here, F1 ace Jenson Button raced in for a pummelling, Florence Nightingale put her feet up and Edward VIII sampled the bath's delights.

And for just £10-be warned they don't take credit cards -you can snap up star treatment too with a two-hour session of steaming, scrubbing, massage and relaxation.

Tucked away in a drab building just a stone's throw from the opulent palace, the Cagaloglu hammam looks like a scene every celeb would avoid.

The dingy reception is home to a handful of old boys puffing on roll-ups. But past the smoke, through some old wooden doors and it's as if you're in a luxurious forgotten world of the Ottoman Empire.

Built in the 1500s, the Cagaloglu is Istanbul's oldest functioning bath house.

Daunting as it may be, the only way to benefit from the hammam is to leave your clothes (and inhibitions) in your locker.

Magic

Reassured that men and women bathe separately, I took the plunge and let Hatha, my tellak or personal masseuse, work her magic during the five-stage treatment.

First is the seasoning of the body with heat, second is the vigorous massage, third is the peeling of the outer layer of skin, fourth is the soaping and finally, the best bit-relaxation.

I used a bucket to bathe myself in gallons of warm water before lying on the octagonal marble slab while Hatha got to work. In between soaping, oiling, massaging and rough pummelling of my squeaky-clean skin, cheery Hatha spoke in song. "Remember when your mama used to bathe you," she asked. "This is better."

She was right. Purifying? Absolutely. Sexy? Definitely not. Sensual? Sort of. Painful? In parts. Relaxing? Marginally. Memorable? Yes. In a tingly, inside-out clean sort of way it was the perfect end to a day exploring Istanbul.

You know where to finish so how about where to start? In a city jam-packed with tourist hotspots, comes the dilemma. One option is to aim high-up on Camlica Hill, a beauty spot with a panoramic view.

Here you can see the Golden Horn dividing bustling modern Istanbul and the old city, once called Constantinople. Down below, see a side of Istanbul only visible from the water using a ferry up the Bosphorus. You can pick it up near the Spice Bazaar and get off in Rumeli Hisar to see the fortress that guarded Constantinople.

For a cruise by night catch a ferry from Karaköy (just over the Galata Bridge from Eminönü) to Kadiköy where you can head into bustling backstreets for a bite to eat.

There are hotels to suit every budget, but for a treat we stayed at the five-star boutique Mövenpick Hotel Istanbul. Restaurants and a Wellness Centre, including a swimming pool, make it the perfect place to relax after a busy day exploring. One impressive part of the old city is the Blue Mosque, officially known as the Mosque of Sultan Ahmet. Entry is just 5TLR (£2). The mosque is one of 2,000 in the city and is decorated with 21,000 blue tiles.

Nearby, is the beautiful Aya Sofya, a church until 1453, then a mosque until 1935 and now a museum. You'll just gawp at the magnificent 56 metre-high domed ceiling.

Bazaar

For a taste of retail history, head to the Grand Bazaar-a shopper's Mecca since just after the mid-15th century.

You can pick up anything on these stalls, from carpets to cumin. The food in Istanbul suits every budget and palate, from delicious mezes to elaborate vegetarian and seafood.

Nightlife centres on Beyoglu-Istanbul's downtown. Take a stroll down Istiklal Caddesi to check it out. Babylon is the best live venue. For something different, opt for the glamorous Madame Despina-one of the best meyhanes (traditional taverns) in the city.

And when you've ticked all this off your list there's just one thing left to squeeze in . . . bath time!

GETTING THERE:

The Mövenpick Hotel Istanbul offers B&B in a standard double room from 135 Euros (£110) per room per night. See www.moevenpick-istanbul.com Mövenpick also have hotels in Izmir and Bodrum, see www.moeven pick-izmir.com and www.moevenpick-bodrum.com

British Airways offer return flights, Heathrow to Istanbul, from £208 per person based on departures next month. See www.ba.com or call British Airways on 0844 493 0787.