THE hilarious blockbuster How To Lose Friends & Alienate People, starring Simon Pegg, is out on DVD tomorrow, It's based on TOBY YOUNG's book about his doomed quest for fame, success and love in New York.

But here he gives tips on how to have a GOOD time in the Big Apple.

I'M going to let you into a little secret.

In the film, Sidney Young, played by Simon Pegg, ends up with an American girlfriend and decides to stay in the US, but the screenwriter made that up to give the story a happy ending.

In reality, I didn't have much luck during five years in New York and returned home with my tail between my legs-and regrettably not with the likes of Megan Fox on my arm!

For some Brits, America is the land of opportunity, but for me it was the land of the unreturned phone call.

When it comes to tourists though, it's an incredibly vibrant city-arguably still the capital of the world.

John Lennon said: "What Rome was to the ancient world, New York is to the modern world."

Bewitched

It remains one of the few cities that lives up to your expectations.

My initial plan, writing for Vanity Fair, was to go for just four weeks. But I became so bewitched by Manhattan, I decided to stay. It was just so much more glamorous than London. I felt as if I'd been plucked from a dinghy bobbing about in the Atlantic and given a first-class berth on the QE2.

I initially stayed at the Royalton Hotel on 44th Street between Madison Avenue and Fifth Avenue. It's a little too fashionable for my tastes-I prefer to have a large, round sink to wash my face in rather than a small, square one.

I then lived in the West Village. New York is a city divided into a series of small villages, each with their own ethnic identity: Harlem, Chinatown, Little Italy, the Upper East Side etc.

The West Village is the British colony. My apartment was opposite Gwyneth Paltrow's and I used to gaze across at her window, but never saw her.

It turned out to be an indication of my luck with women in New York- which I'll tell you about later.

The best restaurants in Manhattan are probably Le Bernardin for seafood, Daniel, Bouley and Jean Georges for French cuisine and Nobu for Japanese. But they don't come cheap.

For the best steak in New York, it's got to be Peter Luger's in Brooklyn. You can get meat as good as this in a handful of other steakhouses-Old Homestead, for instance-but the atmosphere at Luger's is unbeatable.

For steak on a budget, my vote goes to Halfsteak, run by Tom Colicchio-my fellow judge on an American food reality show called Top Chef. Pizza fans should head to Grimaldi's at Old Fulton Street under the Brooklyn Bridge.

I've done most of the touristy things in New York including circumnavigating the city on a boat-the Circle Line Tour-and then by air in a helicopter. I've been up the Empire State Building, now rivalled by Top of the Rock on the 70th floor of the Rockefeller Center, and drunk cocktails in the Rainbow Room with panoramic views over Manhattan.

If you're shopping for designer clothes, the best bargains are at discount stores such as Century 21.

Talking of fashion, it was a designer label that gave me an inkling of what life in New York held in store on my first day at work.

I was in the lift, about to go up to Vanity Fair's offices when a beautiful model stepped in beside me.

Fashion

She spotted a friend in the lobby and stuck out her hand to stop the doors from closing. Instead, they snapped shut, almost trapping her hand.

"They're fashion sensitive," I joked. "If you're not wearing Gucci or Prada, they'll take your arm off."

"But I am wearing Prada," she said.

I later discovered that trying to strike up a conversation with a woman in a lift-particularly if she's beautiful-came under the heading of "inappropriate behaviour". A week later, I found a memo on my desk entitled "Policy on Sexual Harassment".

"A joke considered amusing by one may be offensive to another," it said.

But if that doesn't put you off, some of the best bars to meet people are the informal, speakeasy-type.

The Rusty Knot on the West Side, nearby Hogs and Heffers, and the Beatrice are all pretty cool. And I'll let you in to another secret. There's a drinking hole called the Telephone Bar in Times Square. The entrance is through a telephone box. You have to go in, dial a number and if you're deemed cool enough you're allowed down via a lift.

I've already mentioned some of my favourite tourist attractions. Times Square doesn't make that list though. It's pretty horrible, particularly now it has been "cleaned up" to make it safer.

I love the fact that New York is so compact. You can walk from one side of Manhattan to the other in about half-an-hour which means that if you don't go above 14th Street or below Spring Street you can walk everywhere.

When I lived on West 4th Street, I was within walking distance of six different cinemas. But if you don't fancy hoofing it around the city then yellow cabs are plentiful and cheap, and the subway is much more reliable, and cheaper, than London Underground.

When I go back to the Big Apple now, I stay at Soho House New York. It's a private member's club and hotel. I'm a member but you can still stay there if you're not.

The rooms are a decent size, unless you go for the cheapest ones, and there's a good bar/club area as well as a roof deck and a pool which is where we filmed the big party scene in How to Lose Friends & Alienate People.

My time in Manhattan may not have turned out the way I planned, but who's complaining-I got a bestselling book and a Hollywood movie out of it!

Getting there

BRITISH Airways now has return flights from Gatwick to New York from £279 if you book by tomorrow. BA also operates up to 10 daily flights from Heathrow (www.ba.com , 0844 493 0787).

Rooms at Soho House from £235 a night (www.sohohouseny.com , 001 646 253 6122). Or Hotel 57 from £115 (www.hotel57.com or call 001 212 753 8841). See www.nycgo.com for NY info.

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