Handy hints for sprint finishers

I'M a 26-year-old man and a virgin. The reason why I haven't had sex is because I'm worried I won't last long enough to please a woman.

When I masturbate to pornography, I can orgasm in under a minute. Without it, I only last about 5-10 minutes. This clearly isn't long enough to satisfy a woman.

TRACEY SAYS: You've fallen for so many myths about sex, I don't know which one to reassure you about first!

Let's start with the one about how long intercourse usually lasts for. Depending on which study you want to believe, it's between five and 13 minutes - and judging by the letters I receive, I'd say five is more accurate.

If you can last that long masturbating, bearing in mind no-one's going to know what you like more than you do yourself, you have nothing to worry about.

Ejaculating quickly while watching porn is also extremely common. It stems from training your penis to get it over with quickly, for fear of getting caught.

In short, you're worrying unnecessarily. Having said that, I have absolutely no doubt that, during your first time with a woman, it will all be over before you can say "I think I'm...". Again, this is normal. The more often you have sex, the less excited you'll become and the more easily you'll control your orgasms.

In the meantime, practice the stop-start technique. The next time you masturbate, just before you get to the point of no return, stop all stimulation by removing your hand. Wait until your arousal level drops a little and then continue masturbating. Again, stop before you feel yourself losing control and wait. If you repeat this cycle, you'll train yourself to last longer.

He gropes my pals

A MONTH ago, I was dancing at a club with my boyfriend of two years when I felt his hand move away from me.

I turned around to see he was feeling another girl's bottom, who was dancing behind me.

She happened to be one of my good friends and he was drunk so I let it pass. But by the end of the night I caught him not only groping another girl (an ex flatmate) but on the dance floor he was grinding into another girl that he knows.

I called him on it the next day and he promised it wouldn't happen again. He said he had no interest in these girls but suffered from low self esteem and wanted to see if he would still be able to pull someone if he was ever single.

Two weeks later, he did the same thing all over again. Another row and more promises he'll behave. He has done but since then my trust in him has gone. What should I do?

TRACEY SAYS: If it was me, I'd have walked out of the club after the second grope of another girl's bottom and not looked back.

I know that's not what you want to hear but there's not a great deal that's positive here for me to focus on. While it's not uncommon for people in a relationship to have the odd (hopefully innocent) flirt to see if they've "still got it", grabbing someone else's bottom while their partner is literally in their arms is quite another thing.

If he's doing this in front of you, what is he doing when you're not around to feed his supposedly flagging ego?

He's had two chances, don't give him a third.

Cheating wife woe

I RECENTLY found out my wife cheated on me and, although I'm devastated, I still think there is hope for our marriage.

I would like to go for counselling but she's refusing. Does this mean she doesn't really want to stay with me? Would counselling even work for us if she's not committed to it?

TRACEY SAYS: Quite frankly, given your wife was the one who had the affair, she should be the one who is bending over backwards to show how sorry she is and begging you to give her another chance.

The fact she won't even agree to go to counselling speaks volumes.

Affairs aren't easy to recover from and while I know you love your wife and are desperate to keep her and make her happy, unless she truly is regretful over the affair and also sees hope for your marriage, the prognosis isn't great.

Therapists are psychologists, not magicians.

They aren't going to magically solve all your problems.

Having said that, seeing a couples counsellor will still give you the best chance you have of mending whatever is broken.

It will also soften the blow if you do split with your wife because you will have professional support on hand and your next relationship(s) will benefit from it.

For the same reasons, you might consider going solo anyway.

You'll find some good counsellors through Relate or the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.

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