She won't talk to Tom, Harry-or Dick

MY new boyfriend has a pet name for his penis and he insists I call it by that name as well.

Is that a bit odd? I can't imagine naming my bits and I don't find it sexy at all. Do I indulge him or run away?

TRACEY SAYS: Frank, George, Wilbur, Arthur - men are fond of naming their "best friend" (oddly, often by the very names they use for their other best friend, the one with four legs).

It all loops back to the male tendency to base their self-esteem on their masculinity and sexual prowess.

Women usually base their self-worth on their relationships, and men on qualities such as strength, status, power and performance. The ultimate symbol of all of these - the penis - can therefore be quite terrifying to the man attached.

Naming it makes it seem more friendly, softening the effect the penis has of, quite literally, holding its owner by the balls.

If I were you, I'd probably indulge him, albeit with a giggle, out of bed and just avoid saying the pet name in it.

How to shine online

I'VE plucked up the courage to join a dating site but have no idea what to write about myself to attract women.

When I try to sell myself, I come across like I'm over-confident and I'm also not up on the jargon to use.

TRACEY SAYS: The best online profiles are those that combine (apparent) honesty and wit with a smidgen of self-deprecation.

It doesn't even sound easy, does it? It's a fine-line balancing act.

On the one hand you need to make yourself sound fabulous, on the other ensure you make it clear that a huge ego isn't part of the deal by diffusing it all with humbleness and humour. (Speaking of huge, no matter how large yours is, don't even think about mentioning it - and I'm talking bank accounts as well as appendages.)

This is one reason why "My Single Friend" websites work so well - your friends get to big you up, while you just write something like "Aw shucks!" at the bottom. Friends are a great resource generally. Ask them what they think your five best qualities are and, if you're happy with what they come up with, try basing your profile around that.

Once you've written it, ask them to check you're not underplaying yourself or sadly deluded about your own pluses.

It should describe you in a positive light but there's little point in pretending you're someone you're not because they'll find out soon enough if you end up dating them.

Also be clear about what you're looking for: fun (read sex), a laugh (read casual relationship) or soulmate (read someone to settle down with) and what you're looking for in a partner (the less specific physically you are, the more women will like you!) Do a spelling and grammar check and a jargon check at the end.

You're right that people will read into what you write and there are lots of "code" words to avoid. For example, "adventurous" has sexual connotations ("my second home is the swingers club"), ditto for "outgoing" being seen as promiscious.

The other must-do is an attractive picture of you that's clear, rather than suspiciously unfocused.

First night nerves

I'M going to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time next weekend and want to make him feel welcome and for it to be special but not for it to be really obvious that I'm ready to "put out".

I don't want to look like I'm trying too hard.

TRACEY SAYS: Why not? Knowing your partner's made an effort to make sure the night goes well is surely a compliment?

It shows you care and if you don't want him to know that you do, for fear of it backfiring, quite frankly I'd be keeping my knickers on.

Safe sex doesn't just mean pulling on a condom, it means protecting your heart as well.

Having said that, greeting him at the front door in an Agent Provocateur get-up, whip in one hand and whipped cream in the other isn't quite the look you want either.

Why not just cover the basics? Have clean sheets on the bed, think about the lighting (light from below for most flattering results, dim but bright enough for both of you to see each other), have a selection of sexy CDs handy, some lube and condoms within arm's length of the bed, orange juice, bacon and eggs in the fridge ready for the Morning After The Night Before Breakfast.

And I hopefully don't need to tell you this is not the night to pull on your grey, old, holey big pants, a la Bridget Jones.

This will all make the evening go smoothly, but none of it is so obviously done for his benefit that you'll look like you're "trying too hard".

Friendly advice

MY new boyfriend has some friends I don't like or trust.

He sees them once a month and I worry what he gets up to when he's with them.

I've told him I don't want him to see them but he says I don't have the right to tell him who to be friends with and I should trust him.

TRACEY SAYS: I'm afraid he's right!

When you say you worry what he gets up to, I'm presuming you mean things like drinking too much or chatting up women rather than more sinister stuff like taking drugs.

If it's the latter, you do have a point. If it's the former, you don't.

It's unusual for couples to like all of each other's friends. But unless they are destructive to the relationship, it's generally a case of having to just put up with them.

You say he doesn't see them very often and he's not forcing you to see them with him, so I think the issue here is trust. If you trusted him to do the right thing by you, even when you're not around, this wouldn't be such a problem.

Let him reassure you of this, and spend the nights he is with them with some of your own friends, so you don't spend the whole evening obsessing about what he's up to.

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