DEAR JANE: WHEN I secretly watched my partner having sex with a neighbour I found it such a turn-on I wanted it to happen again. But how can I let her know I've been spying?

My partner has a very high sex drive. She is ready for sex at any time and loves to experiment in bed. She works from home and because I work as a courier, I sometimes pop in for a quickie if I'm doing local deliveries.

Recently she told me she'd started going to exercise classes every Thursday, so not to bother calling in on that day. But last Thursday I had a delivery in the next street, so I thought I'd pop home for a coffee even though I knew my partner would be at her class.

I was just about to put my key in the lock when I heard noises coming from inside the house.

I opened the letterbox and listened, and could hear gasps and groans. I felt sick with apprehension but I opened the door and walked upstairs as quietly as I could.

The bedroom door was ajar, so I could clearly see what was going on.

My partner was naked and writhing around on the bed, having sex with our neighbour. She was moaning and shouting, making much more noise than she does when she makes love with me. She was obviously having the time of her life.

I was totally shocked but I couldn't take my eyes off them and I started to become aroused. They had no idea I was watching so I watched a while longer before I crept away.

The following week, it was all I could do to stop myself calling in at home in the hope of seeing them at it again. It was only the thought they might see me that stopped me.

But I don't know how much longer I can resist. I constantly fantasise about her with this bloke.

And it's done wonders for our sex life because it turns me on more than any porn film.

Should I tell my partner I don't mind her carrying on this affair if she lets me watch them at it?

JANE SAYS: NO. She will say yes, no doubt but the real problem to be addressed is that she has lied, deceived and cheated on you, and as a result she has undermined your relationship.

If you allow this affair to carry on, she may well become involved with this guy and that could destroy it completely.

Confront her and demand to know why she feels the need for an affair. But forget about watching them or she may start to think you are surplus to requirements.

She's virgin on scared

DEAR JANE: I HAVEN'T had sex since I lost my virginity 18 years ago at the age of 20. I didn't enjoy it as it was not at all what I was expecting, and I have avoided sex ever since.

I have had relationships with men, but as soon as they started to get serious I backed off.

I thought I was asexual until I met my lovely new boyfriend, who has awoken my sexual desires.

He wants our relationship to become intimate and for the first time ever I want that to happen, but I'm scared. Supposing it ends in disaster again?

I think I am falling for him, and wonder if I should finish it now in case I cannot fulfil his sexual expectations.

JANE SAYS: THINK positive! There is absolutely no reason why sex with him should be a disaster if he is gentle and loving, and cares about giving you pleasure.

There is nothing to be scared of and plenty to enjoy if sex is with the right person at the right time, which it possibly was not when you lost your virginity. Most people, if they're honest, will admit the first time failed to live up to all those expectations. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't give it another go . . . practice makes perfect, after all.

Spend plenty of time on foreplay and ask him not to attempt penetration until you feel really aroused, and all should be well.

Led astray by bondage

DEAR JANE: MY boyfriend and I enjoy playing sexy master and slave games but I worry we are going too far because he wants me to wear a collar and lead when we go out.

He recently bought me a steel collar that fits around my neck and which only he can unlock. He likes to lead me round the house on all fours before having passionate sex.

I don't mind that, but his latest thing is he wants me to wear it with a lead in public. I did this once and felt really stupid. One woman shouted abuse at us. I said I wouldn't do it again and he said I was spoiling his fun. This all seems too much. What do you think?

JANE SAYS: THIS game might be fun for him but it doesn't sound a barrel of laughs for you, especially when he wants you to do it outdoors.

If you don't like being led around on a lead, don't do it. Games like that are best kept for the bedroom and only if you BOTH enjoy them. Say no.

• WIFE AND STEPSON ADMIT AFFAIR BY TXT

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