DEAR JANE: I caught my mum having sex with my partner and now I'm haunted by images of them together.

My mother has always been more like a sister. She's only sixteen years older than me, and she's slim and pretty.

She used to go clubbing with me and my mates and more often than not end up pulling a guy. She's had loads of relationships, but none that lasted.

I'm 22, my partner is 25. We've been together a year, and this is the first serious relationship I've ever had. I was ecstatic when he asked me to move in with him.

We were so happy - or so I thought. My partner is a plumber, and mum kept asking him round to fix thngs.

I didn't suspect a thing when I saw his phone bill and there were countless calls and texts from her. I just thought she was using him as a free handyman.

One day he left his phone behind after he'd gone to mum's to supposedly fix up her new kitchen blinds, and an emergency work call came through for him.

I phoned mum but it went straight to voicemail, so I thought I'd better call round with his phone.

I let myself in and for the first time I felt uneasy. There was no sign of him in the kitchen, but I could hear noises. I walked upstairs, and even before I saw them through the open door I realised what was going on.

There was my mother, naked and sitting astride my partner, having sex.

I can't remember what happened then except that there was a lot of screaming and shouting. I told my partner not to bother coming home, and walked out.

He collected his things when I was at work, and he's been living with my mother ever since. She kept leaving messages saying how sorry she is and how she couldn't help falling in love with him. In the end I had to change my phone number. Since then I have cut all ties with her.

But I'm shattered. There are so many unanswered questions - how could they do it? Did they ever think of me? What would have happened if I hadn't caught them at it?

I can't seem to move on.

JANE SAYS: WHAT a terrible betrayal by two people you trusted, and who claimed to love you.

Nobody can help who they fall in love with but they don't have to act on their feelings, and if your mother had a jot of loyalty she would have backed off.

It might help you come to terms with this if you arrange a meeting with her, not only to ask her those questions but also to let her know how you are feeling.

She owes you at least that much. As for him - if he was weak enough to be lured away so easily, you're well shot of him.

PARTNER FLED AND WED

DEAR JANE: A FEW months back when I was suffering from depression, I told my partner of 12 years that I no longer loved him and wanted him to leave. A few weeks later I realised what a mistake I'd made and asked him back, but he said he'd met someone else. Next thing I hear he's married her - after only knowing her two months!

He told my friends it had gone so far he couldn't pull out of it, and that he still loves me. Our son won't speak to him as he is so hurt that he could marry a girl he hardly knows. I wrote my ex a letter saying my door is always open to him, and that I love him so much. Why did he marry her is what I keep asking? I don't know how to cope.

JANE SAYS: HE'S married on the rebound, maybe because he was so hurt when you dumped him he wasn't thinking straight. The chances of his marriage standing the test of time aren't good, but you cannot sit around waiting for him in the hope that he will come back to you.

Accept that you have lost him for now, and eventually you should be able to come to terms with what has happened and either start to move on or be ready for him if he does decide he really wants you.

CALL BOUNDER'S BLUFF

DEAR JANE: RECENTLY I spent the weekend at my boyfriend's parent's grand house in the country. His uncle and aunt were also staying, and one morning I got up early to make some tea when his uncle crept up behind me, put his hands inside my dressing gown and started feeling my boobs.

I was so astonished I couldn't even speak. I didn't like to make a fuss as his family are well known in the county, so I've just kept quiet about it.

Also, my boyfriend likes his uncle and thinks he is a real laugh. I am worried his uncle might try it on again if I am ever alone with him. How do I handle this?

JANE SAYS: IF HE tries anything on again, say a very loud and firm NO! Then tell him if he ever touches you again, you'll tell your boyfriend.

He's trading on the fact that you won't want to cause trouble. Make it quite clear that you will - and mean it.

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