Waitress on a plate but is she for real?

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DEAR JANE: A SEXY young waitress I've fallen in love with wants to marry me. Is she interested in me or my money?

I've never had a proper relationship. I never had the opportunity to meet anyone, as I gave up my job years ago to care for my disabled mum.

After she died two years ago, I was shocked by how much money she'd left me. She had shares and property making her-and now me-a millionaire on paper. But it didn't make life much easier. I'd no confidence plus I'd lost touch with friends, with no idea how to make new ones.

I started eating most nights at a nearby restaurant. The waitress was pretty and bubbly-and very sexy. I hadn't been near a woman for so long I'd almost forgotten what lust felt like.

She was so easy to talk to I started telling her about my life. The shyness I usually feel when I was near women disappeared, and one night I summoned up the courage to ask her out. To my astonishment she said yes.

I took her to a country pub on her night off and it felt like I'd known her all my life. She told me her parents were dead, and she was working as a waitress because she'd been unable to find a job after leaving uni. It felt like I'd known her forever, and when at the end of the night she kissed me, I could hardly contain myself. The night we first made love I had no confidence. It had been such a long time that it was over almost before it started, but she was patient and the next time was better. Now we have the sort of sex I'd only ever dreamt of.

I've met her friends, and if they think it's odd that she is 22 and I am 39, they don't show it. I've changed so much since I met her.

One night she suggested we get married. I was deliriously happy and we've fixed a date- but one thing keeps nagging at me. Is it me or my money that attracts her? You see, I cannot think why she should fall for me. I am no oil painting, although she has smartened me up since we've been together.

I am shy and not good at socialising. She could have her pick of any bloke-so why would she want me? What do you think?

JANE SAYS: BUT why would she not want you? Attraction comes from within, so perhaps she has seen beneath the surface -and what attracts her is that you are a kind and loving man.

If your self-esteem was higher, you wouldn't question her motives. Has she ever shown an unnatural interest in how much money you have and demanded you spend it on her? If the answer is no, then accept that she loves you and be happy.

You could try living with her for at least a year before you marry. You should then be sure.

I'M LYING TO A FANTASY MAN

DEAR JANE: I AM in love with a 19-year-old boy I met online. We have loads in common and although we have never met we talk on the phone each night and send each other steamy emails and texts.

The problem is, I have lied to him about myself. He thinks I am an 18-year-old student, whereas I am really a 33-year-old married mum of two.

I started visiting chatrooms because my marriage was going through a bad patch-and meeting this boy has given me back my confidence.

He is pressing me to meet up. I don't look my age but I am not sure I could pass for 18.

I don't want to lose him, so what should I do?

JANE SAYS: End it right now. You've fallen in love with a fantasy and it's high time you got back to the real world. You don't really know this guy-you only know what he wants you to know.

For all you know, he too might have invented an entirely fictitious persona, like you have. Just your luck, he'll turn out to be a very overweight, balding sixty-something.

You're using him as an escape from an unhappy marriage. What you need to do is stop day-dreaming about this "boy" and concentrate on what's going on in your marriage that's making you turn to the net for thrills. Sort out the marriage and you won't need to do that.

SLIM CHANCE OF LOVE

DEAR JANE: SINCE my teens I've always been overweight. My partner reassured me he loved me as I was, but I was depressed and unhappy.

Last year I decided I was going to lose weight, and with the help of a slimming club I lost three stone. I have joined a running club and run regularly to keep the weight off.

I have received many compliments from everyone but my partner. Far from being proud, he seems to resent the new me. He belittles and undermines me, telling me I look ridiculous when I buy trendy clothes. We argue non stop, and if it wasn't for our little boy I'd be out the door tomorrow. Why can't he be happy for me?

JANE SAYS: HE feels threatened by this new, slim and attractive you. His own self-esteem is so shaky he has convinced himself you are now so desirable that it's only a matter of time before someone else snaps you up.

Give him lots of reassurance that nothing has changed-but make it clear that his behaviour is threatening your relationship.

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