DEAR JANE: FRENCH lessons with my mate's sexy mum have turned into lessons in lust. Now I've fallen in love with her, but she laughs when I ask her for a commitment.

How can I convince her we could be happy together?

I am 18, she is 35. We became close while I was studying for my French A-level. She's French and as I was struggling with my oral, she offered to help me.

I've always thought she was sexy, so I jumped at the chance. I go round to her place after college and we talk in French for an hour.

She's divorced, so in return I do odd jobs about the house for her.

A couple of months ago it was my birthday, and she produced a bottle of wine. Two glasses later my inhibitions vanished and I told her in French that I found her attractive.

She stroked my hair and kissed me, and we went on and on kissing.

My eyes nearly fell out of my head when she started peeling off her clothes.

She took my hand and led me to the bedroom, where we had the most fantastic sex.

It was my first time and I'd always wanted it to be with someone special-and she was special all right.

The sex was everything I'd ever dreamed of . . . and more. She was amazed I was still a virgin and said she would teach me everything she knew. We have been having secret sex ever since.

But although it's fantastic I want more than that. I have fallen in love with her. She is small, slim and beautiful and doesn't look her age, and I am so proud to be with her I want our relationship to go public.

She doesn't take me seriously, though. She says a relationship is out of the question because of the difference in our ages, and we should just have fun together.

I think she has feelings for me because of the way she looks at me, so why won't she give me more?

Soon my exams will be over so we won't even have an excuse to meet up. Surely age doesn't matter if two people love each other?

JANE SAYS: THAT can be true, but you are both at different stages of your lives and chances are you have few shared interests other than sex.

You are still maturing, and she's wise enough to realise that you may feel differently about her in a year's time.

If you go public, she won't have much in common with your friends and you could lose your mate's friendship.

She feels special to you because she's the first person you've had sex with, but best accept there can be no future with her and enjoy what you have now.

Sick fantasy turns him on

DEAR JANE: A FEW months ago, my partner started getting into cybersex games on the internet and he now spends hours playing them while I have to sit on my own.

He takes part in all sort of sexual practices in these "games", things too disgusting to mention, and I wonder if he'd like to do them for real.

But he said it didn't matter because it was only about fantasy and escapism and it didn't involve real people.

And he made me feel I was being unreasonable when I said I didn't like him doing this.

I feel hurt and angry that he treats me as second best to a virtual reality woman.

JANE SAYS: YOU and he need to do some straight talking and find out why he seeks to escape into an unreal world in this way.

Maybe he has secret sexual desires he is too ashamed to admit to, and believes this is a safe way of satisfying them.

The more he satisfies his sexual needs without emotional involvement, the more detached he is likely to become.

Tell him he must ration his time on the computer and spend more time with you-and make him understand why you feel so undermined by his behaviour. If he won't agree to change, don't waste any more time on him. Finish it.

Bondage rat a bind

DEAR JANE: MY boyfriend has started calling me names and saying really nasty things to me because I have told him I don't want to play bondage games.

I am 22, he is 21, and he says I'm being a prude for refusing.

He has told me that if I loved him, I'd wear a horrible leather suit and mask and let him tie me up.

I hate the idea of that sort of thing, and I don't trust what he might do to me when I am helpless.

The rest of the time he is okay, but when it comes to sex he seems so uncaring. All I want to do is make love in a normal, loving way.

JANE SAYS: FETISHES are okay if you both find them a turn on, but once you start feeling he's more interested in the fetish than you, then your relationship is heading towards the rocks.

Tell him calmly that you don't want to hear any more about bondage.

If he can't accept that, you should finish it and look for someone who values you for yourself rather than just a body to be trussed up.

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