Tattoo shop romp got under my skin

DEAR JANE: I'M having a passionate affair with a tattooist. He has awoken me sexually and now I don't know if I want to stay married.

I turned 30 a couple of months ago and when I looked at my life, I didn't like what I saw. I was bored. I longed for excitement.

My husband is a good man, but staid. He is only 32 but sometimes he acts like my dad.

He loves me but sex with him is routine and doesn't happen often. When I told him I wanted a tattoo, he said I'd regret it when I was old. Him saying that was what made up my mind to have it done.

When I met the tattooist, I was shocked. He was like nobody I'd ever met and totally unlike my husband.

He is muscular, covered in tattoos and piercings and he exudes this powerful sexual magnetism. I was attracted to him from the start.

He tattooed a butterfly on my stomach and it looked great. Afterwards we talked. He told me I had a beautiful body and he'd like to have sex with me. I said I was married and he replied: "So what?"

He stroked my body and I couldn't resist him. Since then, whenever my husband is at his golf club, I go to this guy's studio for sex.

My lover is everything my husband isn't. He likes thrash metal music and dresses in leather but, most of all, he loves sex.

Sex with him is wild and exciting, almost animal-like. We've done it in every possible position and every conceivable place.

My husband hasn't a clue what I'm up to. He hasn't even noticed my tattoo because we always have sex in the dark, and then it's only ever in the missionary position.

There's no chance of having a proper relationship with my lover and, if I'm honest, I wouldn't want one. He sees other girls and all he's interested in is sex. When he gets bored I know he'll drop me without a second thought.

I mainly get on okay with my husband but this man has given me the excitement I craved. I can't bear the thought of going back to dull sex and a boring life again. Should I stay with my husband and have flings, or should I get out altogether?

JANE SAYS: IF you keep having flings, your husband is bound to find out eventually and it will cause a lot of grief.

Try to improve your relationship instead. Sex with your husband doesn't have to be dull-after all, you've been awoken sexually so maybe he can be too, once you show him your newly acquired sexual skills.

Make it clear to him that changes need to be made. If you can get him to loosen up a bit, you may not feel the need to go elsewhere for excitement.

I miss violent girlfriend

DEAR JANE: MY partner and I have just broken up after she beat me up for the fourth time.

We had a violent relationship for a lot of the time we were together, and last time she attacked me I warned her if it happened again we were finished.

I never fought back because I do not believe in violence, and in the end I could take no more. You'd think I would be happy to be away from her, but I miss her so much and I want her back.

I haven't seen her since we split, and I can't get her out of my head. I know there is a chance we could get back together, I only have to say the word. I am so tempted. I keep thinking of cuddling up to her at night, and the way she used to kiss and hold me. Most of all, I think of the way we used to make love. I miss her so much. Is it normal for me to want her, even though she physically abused me?

JANE SAYS: You can't switch off love like a tap.

But next time you are tempted to get back with her, don't think of the good times-think of the times she beat you up.

I dare say she said she was sorry each time it happened, and promised it would never happen again. But it did, and if you take her back it'll keep on happening until she completely destroys your self-esteem and confidence. You were right to end it.

Look forward and move on.

Too soon for sex?

DEAR JANE: AFTER my husband of 25 years walked out on me to live with some floozie half his age, I never thought I would find anyone else.

But after three years on my own, I have met a lovely man and am wondering whether to have sex with him or whether it is too soon for us to jump into bed.

We are taking things slowly and have had some good times together, just enjoying each other's company.

But although I want to have sex with him I don't know when it would be okay for me to do so without him thinking I am a slapper. We have been dating for two months, so when would sex be acceptable?

JANE SAYS: THERE is no set amount of time. It should be whenever it feels right to you, and you'll know when that happens.

Talk about it with him and find out how he feels about the situation.

The more open you are about sex and the more easily you can talk about it, the better it is likely to be when you do decide to take the plunge.

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