DEAR JANE: MY life has been turned upside down since I had a fling with my husband's mate.

When my husband announced we were going on holiday to Tenerife with this man I wasn't that thrilled. He's divorced, and although he's a nice guy I knew full well my husband only wanted him along as a golfing partner.

I was left on my own all day while they went off to play golf, which wasn't much fun. Then his mate injured his wrist and couldn't play, so he stayed by the hotel pool with me while my husband went off golfing.

We talked a lot, and the more I got to know him the more I liked him. He's a sensitive man who actually listened to what I was saying, which is more than my husband does.

Maybe it was the sun, but after a couple of days I started to feel attracted to him. I knew he was attracted to me, too, as he kept telling me I had a lovely body. It felt good to receive compliments. At 37, I don't hear them too often.

One lunchtime we had a couple of cocktails. They made me feel quite tipsy, and I suggested we went back to his room. He didn't need asking twice. We had the most sensual and passionate sex on the balcony, and it was a long time since anyone had made me feel so special. With my husband it's just roll on, then roll off as soon as he's satisfied.

He kept saying we shouldn't have done it, but I didn't feel guilty as I'd enjoyed it so much. We did it again the next day, and I was gagging for him.

We agreed it was a holiday fling, and that when we got home we must act as though it never happened. My husband can be difficult, but I do love him. We've been together sixteen years, we've a couple of teenage kids who'd be devastated if we split up, and I don't have a bad life. Problem is, I can't get this man's lovemaking out of my head. I keep reliving it, and when I think of him touching me I tingle all over. I haven't fallen for him, I just fancy him.

I want him so much I'm thinking of suggesting we meet every now and again for no strings sex. It would fill a need for both of us, and it wouldn't hurt anyone. Could it work?

JANE SAYS: NOT for long. It's hard to have regular sex without getting involved, and you can't hope to keep it from your husband.

Your holiday romance has made you realise how humdrum your sex life with your husband has become, so instead of embarking on an affair based on deceit and lies, talk to your husband about how you can spice it up.

Reading How To Have Great Sex For The Rest Of Your Life by Val Sampson and Julia Cole (Piatkus) can give you some ideas.

On high over ex-junkie

DEAR JANE: TEN years ago I left my then 20-year-old partner because he had a drug problem and often became violent. I had not seen him since then until I recently bumped into him by chance.

I thought I'd forgotten about him, but when we got talking I felt all the old feelings flooding back.

He seems a changed person from the one I used to know. He has rebuilt his life after having therapy, and now has a good job and also works as a drug counsellor.

We have been out a few times and last week we had sex, which was great. I have not had a satisfactory relationship since we split and neither has he, and he wants us to try again. I still love him, but I am worried that it might go wrong yet again. Could it work the second time around? Can people change that much?

JANE SAYS: YES. He has grown up since you left him and no longer takes drugs, so the issues that caused you to split all those years ago seem to have been have been resolved.

Why not give it a go? Take things slowly, one step at a time. Remember, it's quite often the things you DON'T do in life you tend to regret, not the things you do.

Don't stay for baby

DEAR JANE: TWO months after my partner and I got together I fell pregnant. It wasn't at all planned but I was pleased nevertheless because I thought he and I were rock solid.

Now, two years down the line, our relationship has got so bad I don't know if I can live with him any longer.

He is 22 and I am 19. There is no longer any love between us, and he goes out at least five nights a week with his mates and comes back drunk at all hours.

I want to leave him but I don't like the thought of my son growing up without a dad, so would it better to us stay together for the sake of the baby?

JANE SAYS: NOT if your child's parents are constantly rowing and his mother is often upset.

Kids pick up on atmospheres and are usually better off living with one happy parent with free access to the other than two miserable, warring parents who don't want to be with each other.

If your relationship cannot be mended, it's better to part.

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