DEAR JANE: WHEN I CHEATED on my pregnant partner with my boss I thought it was a one-off, but now she wants more.

How can I say no to her without risking my job?

I work in the fashion industry, and my boss is one smart lady. She's 32, super confident and very sexy. There have been sparks between us since I started working for her.

Things have been difficult because my partner has been ill for much of her pregnancy. We haven't had sex for months and sometimes I feel so frustrated I can hardly bear it.

Nothing would have happened if my boss hadn't asked me to go with her to meet some clients, which involved an overnight stay.

Nightcap

After we'd had dinner with them, we had a couple of drinks back in the hotel bar.

Then she suggested we went to her room for a nightcap. I hesitated. I knew what she was saying and I knew I should refuse.

But there was always the chance that if I turned her down she'd make my life at work awkward, as she could be difficult if she didn't get her own way.

And if I am honest, after a few drinks I was starting to find her more than attractive and the urge was becoming so strong it was hard to ignore. In her room was a bottle of champagne on ice, and when she invited me to open it I realised she'd planned it all.

We drank it and then she invited me to take off her clothes, and things started to get really hot. I spent the rest of the night having passionate sex with her. I hated myself for doing it, but it felt so good to be wanted.

Next morning she told me she hoped I'd be 'grown up' about what had happened and since then she has behaved totally professionally towards me. But we are going on an overseas sales trip together in a couple of weeks and she has made it clear that she expects sex.

What can I do? I love my partner and hate deceiving her. I would come clean to her if she wasn't so poorly.

I feel manipulated by my boss, because if I say no to her my job could be at risk. I don't know what to do for the best.

JANE SAYS: IF you REALLY don't want to have sex with her, say so. Tell her you feel bad about cheating on your pregnant partner.

I doubt she'll sack you because she wouldn't welcome the resulting publicity if you took her to an industrial tribunal, and she might even think more of you for having a conscience.

The bottom line is, if you carry on this affair you stand to lose your partner, which is a far greater loss than any job. Don't do it.

Threesome not my forte

DEAR JANE: I'M a 22-year-old woman, and I have become very friendly with a 19-year-old girl I work with. She has a boyfriend, but we often go out to clubs together.

One day out of the blue she asked me if I'd like a threesome with her and her boyfriend.

I was shocked and horrified that she could think that was something I'd want to do. And now I wonder if she's only been friendly to me as she saw me as a potential sex partner.

I don't know why she should think I'd be interested in that sort of thing. I'm not a prude, but it's definitely not my scene at all-never has been and never will be. Now I feel very awkward around her and find it hard to talk to her, which is difficult as we work closely together. Is my only option to look for a new job?

JANE SAYS: CLEAR the air by telling her threesomes aren't your scene, and then forget about it.

She probably only asked you because you are good friends and she trusted you with her secret. She may even have been pressured into it by her boyfriend.

There's no reason why you and she shouldn't still be friends once she knows the score.

I can't turn him on

DEAR JANE: MY boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. I am 26, he is 38, and we are very happy apart from one problem-he never wants sex.

I have tried all sorts of ideas to spice things up, including dressing up and playing sexy games-which most other men would relish-but he's just not interested.

I am so confused as we get on great and we love each other very much, but I am becoming frustrated.

I'm so ashamed I even feel I'm cheating when I use my vibrator. I've considered leaving, but I love him too much. How can I handle this?

JANE SAYS: IF you and he once had a good sex life you need to find out what's causing his loss of libido.

Is he suffering from stress at work, or depression? If he's got a problem he might find it hard to talk about it, so be gentle rather than confrontational. Encourage him to talk about what's going on for him. Relate (0300 100 1234) can help.

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