DEAR JANE: MY husband says he doesn't fancy me anymore - but he will stay with me if I let him sleep with other women. Shall I say yes?

There is a a big age gap between us and it seems my breast lift and botox has had little effect on him.

He says he still loves me and that we should continue to live together for the sake of our five-year-old son - but he would have to find the sex elsewhere.

When we first met I was 37, with two failed marriages behind me, whereas he was a 21-year-old student.

He knocked on my door one day during his vacation and asked if I had any gardening jobs. I immediately liked him and I took him on.

We'd sit and chat over a drink after he'd finished in the garden and it wasn't long before I felt an attraction develop between us.

One day he said he thought I was hot. It had been a while since anyone had said something like that to me. Next thing I knew we were kissing and upstairs having sex.

I thought it was just going to be a sexual fling. A young and attractive stud making love to me was such a confidence booster - and the sex was fantastic.

We gradually became involved and he suggested moving in with me, although it wasn't something I wanted. I asked him how he would feel when I was old and he was still young, but he said age was meaningless and he would love me forever. By then I was hooked.

We've now been together eleven years, We married six years ago and had a baby boy.

But recently my husband started to go off the boil sexually, and wouldn't say what the problem was.

I started snooping and found texts on his phone - he was having an affair. When I confronted him he admitted he was seeing a twenty-three-year old work colleague.

I was devastated when he then said he no longer fancies me. He didn't say it was because of my age, but I know that's the real reason.

I hate the idea of him staying and having sex with others, but I don't want to lose him. Could it work?

JANE SAYS: NO! Hanging on to him at any price will inevitably mean you forfeit your pride, dignity, confidence and self-respect.

There's a high chance he'll become involved, too. If he really has stopped finding you sexually attractive, it's to do with your changed relationship rather than your age.

Persuade him to see a Relate counsellor with you to find out if there is any way you can recapture the intimacy and sexual magic you once had.

If there isn't, it's better to end it rather than try and share him.

Axed after 5 times a night

DEAR JANE: THERE was an instant spark between me and a woman I met on an online dating site.

We spent hours chatting and talking on the phone, and eventually agreed to meet up. When I met her we got on like a house on fire, and ended up literally tearing each other's clothes off within half an hour. We had sex five times during the night, and woke in each other's arms.

I was really looking forward to seeing her again, but a few days later she sent me a text message dumping me.

She said that was sorry but she'd thought it over and decided that as we live 150 miles apart and both have demanding jobs, it would be too hard to keep the relationship going. It made me feel bad about myself that she was only after sex.

We still keep in touch. She sends me caring messages and keeps telling me she wants to be friends, but it does grate with me that she only used me for sex. What do you think?

JANE SAYS: IF she'd set out to use you, I doubt she'd still be in touch.

She was being honest - the sexual chemistry was great, but she realised it would be such a problem trying to sustain a long distance relationship it was better to end it before you both got too involved.

It's a shame, but don't let it bring you down.

The lag-ony aunt

DEAR JANE: I AM serving my final few weeks of a prison sentence for fraud.

Throughout my life I've been involved in drugs and crime - but since meeting my partner I'm clean from drugs and will never commit a crime again.

For the first time in my life I am in love, and my darling girlfriend gave birth to our son in September. We are so happy together.

When I get out of prison I would like to show her just how much I love her, but don't know how to put it across to her. Can you give me some romantic ideas to show her how special she is to me?

JANE SAYS: SIMPLE gestures are sometime the most romantic.

Buy a rose, pamper her with a bathroom full of candles and a tub flowing with bubbles - afterwards give her a slow and sensual massage on a bed scattered with rose petals.

But most of all, stick to your promise never to get into trouble again. That way she'll know she's REALLY special.

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