My randy builder is a site too close

Dear Jane,

MY lover jokes that he's my 'bit of rough' but he's starting to get serious and now I'm worried that my husband will find out.

Not long ago I went back to work as a hairdresser. My husband didn't want me to as he owns a successful business and we have a comfortable lifestyle.

But after our little girl started school I was bored to death stuck at home all day. If I'm being honest I'm bored with my husband, too.

He's a good man, but he's more interested in playing golf and his charity work than being with me. We haven't had sex for months.

I think he just wants a wife to show off at the smart functions he goes too.

The salon where I work is having an extension built, and one of the builders caught my eye from day one. He has the most gorgeous muscular body, and when he looked at me his eyes seemed to undress me.

One night I was on my way home when I bumped into him in the car park. We got talking and he asked me for a drink. We had a couple of drinks and did a lot of flirting, and when he walked me back to my car his hands were all over me.

I can't believe this when I think about it, but we ended up having sex in my car in the car park. It was a dark night, but it was still risky. It was also very exciting, and it felt fantastic to be wanted. Since then we meet up wherever and whenever we can for sex-in my car, in a motel, once even in a cupboard in the salon after everyone had gone home.

The sex is fantastic, but I am worried he's getting involved. I thought he knew this was only about sex, but he has told me he adores me and wants me to live with him.

He says that although he isn't wealthy he would treat me like a queen. There is no question of me giving up my lifestyle, let alone for someone like him, but he seems so infatuated I am worried he might start shooting off his mouth and next thing our affair will be all round town.

I don't want to lose him nor hurt him by telling him I don't have feelings for him, but what can I do to get him to back off?

Jane says:

BE honest with him. Tell him you're fond of him but for you it is strictly no strings sex, and that you won't break up your marriage because of your daughter. Has he even considered her?

It's hard to carry on a sexual relationship without getting involved and this affair is no answer to your problem.

End it before you are found out and tell yor husband you need to spend more quality time together and improve your sexlife.

Reading The New Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort and Susan Quilliam can give you some ideas.

Dear Jane,

IT feels as though my partner and I are living completely different lives. We have been together four years, yet I know nothing about him. I don't know where he works or even where he lives.

He says he lives with his sister, but won't tell me any more because he says he wants to respect her privacy. Half the time when we arrange to go out he doesn't turn up, and says he forgot.

He has a key to my flat and calls round whenever he feels like it. We only have sex once a month, and when I ask for more it seems like I'm begging.

He is so cold towards me and I feel he doesn't respect me, yet if I finish it he says he loves me and begs me to come back. I want someone to hold me, to make me feel wanted and loved, but all I feel is that I'm being used.

Jane says:

THAT'S because you ARE being used-so why do you put up with it? What is the point of being with someone who won't let you into his life, who treats you with such little respect that he can't even be bothered to turn up for a date?

After four years, the relationship should have either developed into something closer or fallen apart. Chances are he's married. Give him an ultimatum. Either he opens up his life to you or it's over. You deserve better than this.

Dear Jane,

WHEN my girlfriend and I finished our relationship, my best friend asked me if I would I mind him asking her out. I said I wouldn't, and I meant it.

But when she started seeing him I felt hurt that she'd got over me so quickly, as we'd been together nearly three years.

I put on a brave face, but it upsets me to see them together. We stayed in the same hotel when we went to a wedding, and all I could think of was her in the room next door making love with him. I'm so confused. I know it was right that we broke up because our relationship had run out of steam, but my heart says differently. Why do I feel this way?

Jane says:

IT takes time to come to terms with ending a long- term relationship, even if it was the right thing to do. You and she were very close emotionally, and that doesn't just disappear. She probably feels the same way as you, but it's easier for her because she's found someone else. Distance yourself from them for a while. You'll feel better in time.

Dear Jane,

ALTHOUGH I'm an 18 year old lad, I fancy older women. I had a lovely girlfriend, but all the time I was with her I couldn't stop thinking about older women. I just think they're gorgeous. Is this normal?

Jane says:

A LOT of young guys fancy older women as they tend to be more sexually experienced and sophisticated. But you're unlikely to meet a lifelong partner if you restrict yourself too much. Try and be more open-minded.

Dear Jane,

IN THREE weeks I'm getting married but I've fallen for someone I met on my stag weekend. We went to Prague and I met a sexy Slovakian student and ended up making love.

I haven't stopped thinking about her since. I am 34, she is 20. I've emailed and texted her every day since I got home, and I think I have fallen for her.

I feel so torn. I love my fiancee, but I also love this other girl. I don't know what to do. Is it possible to love two people at the same time?

Jane says:

YES, but it sounds more like lust than love. It does suggest you're not ready for marriage. Postpone the wedding until you're 100 per cent sure you're marrying the right girl.

Dear Jane,

I STARTED exchanging flirty texts with a 26-year-old man who works in the same department as me.

That was okay, but then we started going several steps further, meeting secretly for a kiss and cuddle.

Finally we actually had sex-at work. I really didn't want to do this, and I now feel trapped, especially as he keeps pestering me for more.

When I told him I wanted to stop he said he would tell my manager, and I don't want to be sacked. I'm 17, and feel out of my depth. Help!

Jane says:

HE'S trying to bully you. Next time he makes threats tell him to go ahead and tell your manager. Stand firm and tell him you want nothing more to do with him, and mean it.

For a personal reply write to Jane Butterworth, News of the World, 1 Virginia Street, London E98 1NW or email dear.jane@notw.co.uk