I WALKED in on my partner rolling around on a bed with his half-naked ex-yet he blames ME for us splitting up.

It happened at his sister's engagement party. I didn't want to go in the first place as I don't like his family.

I was even more put out when I saw his ex there. She's a right cow, who always ignores me when we see her in the pub. My partner was knocking back lager with vodka shots and getting very drunk, and the last straw was when his ex came smarming up to him.

She was all over him. I grabbed one of his mates and went off for a dance. After a while I realised I couldn't see my partner, so I went upstairs to see if I could find him. I heard suspicious noises coming from a bedroom. I opened the door, switched on the light and saw him rolling around on the bed with his ex.

She was topless, and her skirt was up around her waist. Worse, she had her hand in his trousers.

When he saw me he started saying they were just having a bit of a kiss and cuddle, and nothing had happened. I hit him and screamed that he must think I am stupid-and he shouted that if I was better in bed it wouldn't have happened.

I was outraged. We've always had a great sex life, and he's never had any complaints before. This woman just sat there smirking until I lunged at her, then she dashed off.

I was so shocked and angry I stormed home and threw all his things into plastic bags. Then I drove back to his parents' place and chucked them into the front garden.

He came charging out shouting that I'd shown him up in front of his family, and trying to blame me for everything. He insisted nothing had happened, he was just drunk.

I told him I hated him and I'd never forgive him. We haven't spoken since, and he's back living with his family so they're probably putting in the poison about me.

The stupid thing is, I didn't mean what I said.

I still love him and want him back, but why should it be me that makes the first move when I wasn't the one who cheated?

JANE SAYS:

IF your relationship is going to be saved someone has got to make the first move.

So if you really want him back don't let your pride get in the way.

Get in touch with him and ask him to meet up and talk. It might be too late, but it's worth a try.

He's defensive because he knows he's done wrong, and he said hurtful things about your sex life because he was trying to find excuses for his inexcusable behaviour.

Once you're talking again, you should know whether or not there's anything to save.

Hubby's gone off sex

ALTHOUGH my husband is only 44 he stopped making love to me a year ago. Instead, he relieves himself while watching porn films late at night.

I have always been keen on sex, and eventually I gave in to a work colleague who had been paying me attention. He's 25, I'm 36, and it was the best sex I have ever had.

He had me in all sorts of positions and kept going for ages, unlike my husband who was over in minutes even when we used to make love.

My young lover is keen to have more of me and I am torn about whether I should carry on seeing him. I don't want to get a bad name at work and I don't want to split from my husband because he is a good provider, but I can't see a future with him if we never have sex. How can I get him interested in me again?

JANE SAYS:

TRY not to be confrontational and don't let him know what you've seen, but let him know how hurt you feel that he is avoiding sex and how easy it is for a marriage to fall apart without intimacy.

He may be avoiding sex with you because of his premature ejaculation problem. Relate has psycho-sexual therapists that can help. Don't go back for more with this other guy. He is only interested in sex, and has nothing to lose. You have a marriage to lose.

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Golfer's dirty birdie

WHEN my fiancé asked me if I minded him going on a golfing holiday with his mates to Tenerife I was happy to let him go.

I thought he was the perfect partner and dad, and I would have trusted him with my life. But when he came back he seemed nervous and edgy, as though he was hiding something.

I asked him what the matter was, and you can imagine how I felt when he started crying and confessed to having sex with some slut in a toilet when he was drunk. I could hardly believe it. I am absolutely shattered, as it is so out of character. I now wonder if I ever really knew him, and feel like calling off our wedding next year. Can we get over this?

JANE SAYS:

YES, if you can accept that it was a one-off that almost certainly wouldn't have happened if he hadn't been abroad, drunk and that he acted out of character.

Do you really want to throw away a good relationship because of one mistake? Forgive him, don't throw it in his face every time you have a row, and look to the future.