DEAR JANE: BEFORE I went on a lads' surfing holiday I promised my girlfriend that I would be faithful. How can I tell her I cheated?

We've been together 18 months and we love each other but we fight like mad.

When we're not fighting, we're making passionate love. She's a fantastic lover but we have broken up three times. And it was while we were apart that I agreed to go surfing in Cornwall with my mates.

Then my girl and I got back together and everything was lovey-dovey until she found out I was going away without her.

She got the hump big time and I was going to pull out until my mates started calling me henpecked, so I told her I couldn't let them down and she had to trust me. After all, I'd never cheated before.

She wasn't happy. She phoned or texted me every day and I admit I missed her -and I really missed the sex.

We had phone sex but it wasn't the same. Other than that, I had a great time.

There was no shortage of girls and some would hang around the beach and watch us surfing.

I got quite chatty with one. She looked hot in her tiny bikini but I swear I never intended anything to happen with her.

On the last night there was a barbecue on the beach and this girl and I talked for ages. I started to feel a sexual spark between us.

It's easy to fancy anyone when you're as drunk as I was-and I hadn't had sex for a week. I could sense she fancied me and when she suggested we go for a walk along the beach, I knew what would happen and I was up for it. That's how we ended up having sex.

It was nothing special and afterwards I wished I hadn't bothered.

But it made me realise I really did love my girlfriend and when I got home I suggested we got engaged. However, I can't make up my mind about whether to tell her what happened.

She would go absolutely mental and might even finish with me.

Yet what happened with this other girl made me so sure of my feelings towards her. Should I tell her?

JANE SAYS: YES, you should tell her. You and your girlfriend are about to embark on a new phase of your relationship and it has more chance of succeeding if there are no secrets or lies.

She may well react badly and give you a hard time about it.

But, once she's got over her hurt and anger, hopefully she will see it as simply a drunken one-off.

She might eventually be able to see the positive side of what happened.

Then you can both look to the future rather than the past.

Slave game shame

DEAR JANE: MY fella is a fetish freak who likes me to dress up as a dominatrix in kinky leather gear while he acts as my slave.

The only way he can get an erection is if he lays down on the floor and I walk over him calling him filthy names, and telling him how disgusting he is.

Even then he does not get an erection for very long, which makes me feel totally inadequate as a lover.

I long for a proper, straight-forward, loving sex life, but he is just not interested. He cannot get turned on if we don't play these games. It's making me really unhappy. What should I do?

JANE SAYS: TELL him you are not prepared to go along with his games any longer and he must seek help from a sexual therapist.

His unusual sexual needs stem from things that have happened in his past.

Loving relationships are about giving and taking, not about one partner making the other do things they find offensive.

Don't go Russian in!

DEAR JANE: FOR the past year I have been emailing a 27-year-old lady from Russia.

I am 49 and at first I was cautious about receiving an email from a young lady let alone from Russia, but when she kept on emailing me I gave it a go.

Everyone thinks she is only after a visa, but I know this is not the case. My dilemma is, we have grown fond of each other.

She is coming over for a three-month visit and my heart says I should give us a try, but my brain says be careful.

Should I go with my heart, fall totally in love and be happy for ever more? Or listen to my brain, and be lonely and unhappy?

JANE SAYS: IF she is coming over anyway there is no harm in meeting up with her to see if you get on as well as you imagine you will.

But be wary. She contacted you in the first instance so she could very well have ulterior motives.

Get to know her, but don't commit yourself in any way and on no account must you hand over any money no matter what tragic sob story she gives you.

You should get an inkling after three months if she is genuine.

And if she is there's no reason why you can't build a future together.

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