Should I tell her I'm a secret spanker?

Dear Jane

What she and no other girl I've been out with knows is that for as long as I can remember, I have had strong fantasies about being spanked.

At 23 I've had no shortage of girlfriends, yet have been too ashamed to share this with any of them. But the longings grew so strong last year that I started looking on the internet, found a site for spanking enthusiasts, and met a woman who shared my fantasies.

I've been meeting up with her regularly at a motel since then.

It's harmless. There's no actual sex involved, we just act out spanking scenes. I have never found out her address or her surname, nor did she want to know anything about me.

She's married, but her husband is conservative sexually, so she never dared tell him that she gets a thrill out of playing the dominatrix.

After our sessions I'd go home and pleasure myself, and although it was enjoyable I wished I didn't have to keep that part of my life a secret. I longed for a partner to share it with.

Most of the time I was Jack the Lad, with a string of different girlfriends and a reputation for being a good lover-but nothing was as erotic as my secret spanking sessions. Then I met my girlfriend. It was only two months ago, yet it seems like we've known each other forever. I feel sure that she is the one for me, and because of this I've stopped seeing my spanking friend.

I have to admit, though, that even though my partner and I have fantastic sex I can't stop thinking about what I did with this woman.

My dilemma is this. I'm finding it hard to ignore my fantasies, so should I confide in my partner, in the hope that she might indulge me every now and again? I've never told a soul about this other than my spanking friend, and I am scared of the reaction I might get if I do tell my partner. Supposing she is horrified, and finishes it?

If she's not interested in trying it out, would I be justified in going back to my spanking friend? After all, we never had sex, so where's the harm?

Jane says:

ASK yourself how your partner would feel if she knew you were going off to be spanked by a strange woman in a motel room. Do you really think she would welcome this piece of news? No, neither do I.

So don't think of it if you want to keep her. I doubt she'll finish it if you own up to having this very common fantasy. You never know, she might even go for it-plenty of couples do.

But if she really isn't interested, forget it and all thoughts of secret spanking sessions with strangers.

Dear Jane,

MY mum's friend seems to fancy me and I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm an 18-year-old lad, and this woman spends a lot of time round at our house because she and my mum are running their own business together.

She's an attractive 30-something divorced lady, and when we are on our own together she often gives my bum a squeeze or kisses me on the back of the neck.

The last time I saw her she started asking me details about my sex life and I felt really embarrassed. She said she'd love to teach me a thing or two. She's really hot despite her age, but I'm not too sure I could handle having sex with someone who is that old.

Do you think she's serious about this, or is she just teasing me?

Jane says:

SHE'S testing the water. She's let it be known that she fancies you and she wants to know if you feel the same way before she comes on really strong.

If you don't give her a signal that you're up for it she'll probably back off. You've got reservations, so best ignore her. She's too old for you, and it could cause ructions with your mum.

Dear Jane,

HOW can I get my girlfriend to forgive me? We were at a party recently when we started rowing. It was over nothing, but I admit that sometimes when I get really drunk I get aggressive and behave badly.

A girl came on to me and somehow or other we ended upstairs in a bedroom together. I can't even remember how we got there, but what I do remember is my girlfriend walking in as this girl was giving me oral sex.

My girlfriend screamed that she never wanted to see me again and walked out. I love her so much, but she says she'll never forgive me. She's 18, I'm 20. Have I got any chance of winning her back?

Jane says:

IT'S doubtful, as she saw the evidence with her own eyes, and that memory will be imprinted on her mind for a long time.

If getting drunk causes you to behave so badly, give up booze. Send her flowers with a note saying sorry and promising you won't get drunk again, and she might give you another chance. But don't hold your breath.

For a personal reply write to Jane Butterworth, News of the World, 1 Virginia Street, London E98 1NW or email dear.jane@notw.co.uk

This article has 1 comment