Body of Lies (15)

SELDOM do we appreciate the hardships that anti-terror spooks suffer every day.

So Body Of Lies comes as a sharp reminder.

Leonardo DiCaprio's field agent gets chased by two Jeepfuls of jihadis, who launch a rocket up his tailpipe and hospitalise him for a week, just so he can lay his hands on a CD-ROM of phone numbers.

And Russell Crowe's US-based analyst? Even worse.

"What a day," he moans. "I have to take the kids to see The Lion King. Again."

Body Of Lies isn't the only film out there about the War On Terror or the US secret service. But it is the only one to compare the lives of two key players in the intelligence game-the hard-working man on the ground, who brings in the valuable data, and the smug, self- important to**er on the other end of the phone who makes life or death decisions based on it.

Enter Leo, a Baghdad-based CIA agent sporting a mean pair of sunglasses, operation scars and the least convincing beard seen since the David Gest/Liza Minnelli wedding.

I dunno. We've got the special effects technology to send guided missiles blazing across the Iraqi desert. But credible facial hair for Mr DiCaprio? Eh-err.

Possible that he's grown those horrific wisps in an attempt to blend in. Although if that's the case, he seems to have confused the entire Middle East with a Catweazle lookalike convention. At the other end of the line, making sense of Leo's intel-in theory -is CIA operative Russell Crowe.

Who literally phones in his performance, given that he spends most of his screen time yakking on the mobile.

Russell gained 50lbs "for the role" -and with that lardy gut poking over the top of his slack waistband, he's a million miles away from his role in Gladiator, necessitating an urgent name change from Maximus to Big Macs-imus.

Russ's porky analyst works safely from home, barking orders over the hands-free while doing the school run, or potty training his toddler.

It's a great device that neatly flags up the gulf between his humdrum existence and the potentially massive influence he has on the War On Terror.

But it also means that Russell's very much relegated to a supporting role here, which is a shame.

Sinister

The real focus is on Leo's work on the ground and his relationship with Hani, the deadly head of Jordanian intelligence (a top turn by RocknRolla's Mark Strong).

The CIA and Jordanians have a common enemy-terror boss Al-Saleem. And Leo and Hani, who's damn sinister despite the fact he's rocking the Alan Partridge sports-casual look, are determined to smoke him out.

There's a massive explosion in "Manchester, England", a car chase across the desert, a marketplace bombing, rockets, grenades and a rabid dog attack for good measure.

It all looks superb. Director Ridley Scott (American Gangster, Black Hawk Down, Gladiator) loads every shot with oodles of grit and atmosphere, as per usual.

Problem is, the plot takes ages to kick in-leaving the audience in the awkward situation, half an hour into the movie, of not knowing if the story's actually started properly yet.

And the all-too predictable romance (Leo falls for his Iranian nurse) and the mismatched Hollywood ending don't help things.

When you've got three talents like Crowe, DiCaprio and Scott doing their thing, the result is never less than decent. But Body Of Lies is never more than decent either.

But hey. It beats taking the kids to see The Lion King again, apparently.

OUT FRIDAY (Nov 21)

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