Super-size your life... in just 7 days!
Want to fall in love, bag a pay rise, be more popular and more confident, all by next week? Read on...
The champers has been quaffed, the food scoffed and the presents opened - and hearing that Slade song played again and again is but a distant memory. But as your hangover slowly fades, the harsh reality of the start of a new year suddenly hits home. And you start thinking - about life. And boy, can it be scary!
"It's the time of year when everyone starts reflecting on their life," says Lindsey Agness, managing director of The Change Corporation and neuro linguistic programming (NLP) trainer. "People take stock of what they've achieved, where they are now and where they want to go in the future. With the fresh, inspiring feeling of a new year, it's the perfect time to start making necessary changes."
That's all well and good, but how many new year's resolutions last beyond the end of January? Not many. "That's because resolutions are often nothing more than a wish list," says Lindsey. "Instead you need a clear plan to reach the goals you want to get to."
So put away the tree and stick your Christmas decorations in the attic for another year. It's time to set the wheels of your brand-new life in motion. Follow our go-for-it-guide and you'll see your life improve 100 per cent in just one week.
7 days to... Getting a pay rise
Do you moan about not getting paid enough, but go all coy when the subject of money comes up with your boss? Then it's time for a money-making master plan. "We're often shy about asking for a rise, which means we end up asking for less than we want," says NLP expert Ali Campbell. In fact, surveys show that only six out of 10 people dare to ask for a pay rise, even though 45 per cent of bosses actually admire employees who approach the tricky subject of a salary increase.
Day 1: First things first - why do you deserve a pay rise? "Write down the reasons why you should get more money, and all the reasons why your boss might want to give you it - perhaps you've completed a project successfully or gained new qualifications," says Ali. "This will help you see just how valuable you are to your company."
Day 2: Everyone loves a bargain and your boss is no exception. You need to show you put in 100 per cent and are a great-value investment. "Either you do more - such as overtime or extra training - or you make a bigger difference, so for example, you can take on more responsibility or expand your existing role," says Ali.
Day 3: A bit of insider info is always valuable. "Enlist the help of someone at work who has successfully negotiated a pay increase in the past," suggests Ali. "Don't be specific, simply ask: 'What's the best piece of advice you can give me about getting a pay rise?'"
Day 5: Research over, now prepare for the conversation with your boss. Using visualisation techniques can help you feel less awkward. "Play the conversation through in your head, imagining a successful outcome. Not only will this put you in a positive frame of mind, it will also help you to work through any questions your boss might ask you," suggests Lindsey. Plan what you're going to say and think of things that will get your boss on side. "Start with something that shows an understanding of where they are coming from," says Ali. "Try: 'I appreciate that times are tough with the credit crunch, however', and then go on to state your case."
Day 7: Arrange the meeting for a Wednesday afternoon, as research has found this is the most successful time to land yourself a raise*. But bear in mind that while your boss may value you, they may not have the resources to give you more money. "Have a back-up plan, and ask: 'Is there a solution we can come up with so that we're both happy?'" suggests Ali. This might involve flexible working, a sabbatical or maybe another review in six months' time.
7 days to... Super-sized confidence
Do you think Madonna or Lady GaGa worry about the times they've slipped over on stage? Nope. If you're going to have any confidence, you need to put past mistakes aside and start focusing on your achievements. With our seven-day plan you'll soon super-size your confidence - no p-p-p-poker face required!
Day 1: We're not talking diva-sized egos here, but to boost confidence the first thing you have to do is think more positively about yourself. "Think of the top three compliments you've ever received," says Ali. "They could be from your mum, your boss or your best friend. Take the key words they've said and put them somewhere obvious, like your screen saver." This will help you to remember that other people think you're great, even if you don't.
Day 2: Are you the sort of person who says sorry when someone else stands on your foot? Then create your 'confidence button'. Think about your three compliments. "As you begin to feel good about them, squeeze your thumb - this connects the brain's neuro-pathways between the act of squeezing your thumb and the warm glow you get from the compliments," says Ali. Now, set yourself a task on a discomfort level of 3 (with 10 being the scariest), and use your confidence button to give you the courage to go for it.
Day 4: After yesterday's success, you'll already be feeling ¿a change in your confidence levels, but change in itself can be scary. Cope with fear by remembering the acronym FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. "Ask yourself whether this is real fear, or in your head," says Lindsey. "Often the worries you have in your mind are bigger than the issue itself."
Day 6: "Celebrate your successes and reward yourself for any improvements during the week," says Lindsey. "If something doesn't work, don't beat yourself up, just make sure you try a different approach next time."
Day 7: You're ready for a task closer to the '10' end of your discomfort scale. "Tackle something you've been putting off for ages," says Ali. "It could be calling a friend you've fallen out with, or asking that guy you like for a drink - squeze your thumb and do it!" Confident? You'll be giving Madge a run for her money in the self-esteem stakes in no time!
OK, so Brad Pitt's unavailable, but that's no reason to stop trying to get the most out of your love life. Whether you're in a relationship or still looking for Mr Right, here's how to get the love you want.
FOR SINGLES
Day 1: Don't settle for less than you want. "Figure out your emotional needs, whether it's security, excitement or adoration, and only bother dating a guy who can give you what you need," says Michael.
Day 2: Start as you mean to go on. "To meet the right number of men you need to date relentlessly. Take advantage of online dating, speed dating and singles parties," says Michael Myerscough, head relationship coach at Therelationshipgym.com.
Day 3: Get techie and try the new free StreetSpark phone application - fill out your details and it searches for potential dates. If a man meeting your criteria is nearby, you'll be alerted and can start chatting over the network. Amazing!
Day 5: Go on multiple dates. "A date can be just a 20-minute coffee," says Michael. "This is enough time to see if there's any chemistry and allows you to fit in lots of dates."
Day 7: Worried about going off the rails? "Telling a friend about your goal of finding love will act as a kind of verbal contract," says psychologist Jessica Chivers. That way, you'll have someone to answer to if you wimp out of that blind date!
FOR COUPLED-UPS
Day 1: "Start by casting your mind back to when you first met," says Lindsey. "Whether it be long country walks or a romantic break, you'll be focusing on positives that will lift your pasison and remind you why you're together,"
Day 3: Flex your backbone. "Men like it when we stand up to them," says Kate Taylor, relationship expert at Match.com. "He might make out he knows what's best, but secretly he wants a partner who's not afraid to put him in his place."
Day 4: Try something scary today, says Relate counsellor Christine Northam. "Doing an activity together, like watching a scary film or going on a roller-coaster ride, will boost your confidence in each other as you'll be working as a team."
Day 5: Don't let arguments go on for hours. "The tone of an argument will be the same after a few minutes as it is after an hour," says Michael. "Take 'time-out' and be sure¿to resolve the issue when you're not hot headed."
Day 6: Have a love-in! The more sex you have, the happier your relationship. "First, try 'shower sex', which is quick, convenient and good for immediate bonding," says Michael. "'Bath sex' is a little slower and can deepen intimacy. Finally, have the occasional 'Jacuzzi sex' that goes on for hours."
Day 7: Give yourself a mini revamp. "If you feel good about yourself it will boost his attraction to you," says Kate. "If you're a glamourpuss, pull on his football shirt, or if you're more bookish, go all-out vamp in a drop-dead sexy dress."
7 days to... Be more popular
With super-busy lives, it's easy to let friends drop off the radar, but follow our 7-day plan to become inundated with mates.
Day 1: What does being popular mean to you? "It could be having 500 Facebook friends or two close mates," explains Ali. "Everyone's different, so set a goal you can measure."
Day 2: Remember, we're all drawn to happy people. "Ask what you need to do today to make yourself happy," says Ali. "Maybe you'd like some time alone, or to go for a glass of wine with a friend. Whatever it is, just do it."
Day 3: Think of the people you're drawn to and shamelessly copy what they do. "If you like it when friends text you on an important day, do the same for them," says Ali. "Listen, smile and ask lots of questions."
Day 5: Make the first move. "If you don't know many people at work, ask a colleague out for lunch," suggests Lindsey. "Don't wait for someone to ask you."
Day 7: "Give someone your undivided attention," says Lindsey. "Look directly at them and listen to what they are saying." You'll have friends flocking faster than you can say: 'Rachel, Ross and Monica'
*RESEARCH BY OFFICE ANGELS
PHOTOGRAPHY: SCOPE, PHOTOLIBRARY.COM FOR MORE INFORMATION ON LINDSEY AGNESS LOG ON TO THECHANGECORPORATION.COM OR VISIT LINDSEYAGNESS.COM CHANGE YOUR LIFE WITH NLP BY LINDSEY AGNESS (£9.99, PRENTICE-HALL LIFE) JUST GET ON WITH IT BY ALI CAMPBELL (£8.99, HAY HOUSE) FOR MORE ABOUT JESSICA CHIVERS, VISIT BEYOUBETTER.CO.UK
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