ARE YOU A PRAISE JUNKIE?

When no one comments on your new outfit, you're convinced you look terrible. And if your boss doesn't tell you how brilliant your work is, it must mean he hates you.

Sound familiar? Then you could be suffering from approval addiction, a problem psychologists say is on the rise in the UK.

"Approval addiction is the need for compliments to maintain your happiness," explains Jo Ellen Grzyb, a psychotherapist specialising in assertiveness*. "It's fuelled by low self-esteem. Women are most susceptible as they tend to put other people's needs first."

And the credit crunch is making things worse, says Jo Ellen. "Everyone's worried about job security and how this is affecting relationships, so more than ever we're searching for signs everything's OK."

As with all addictions, Jo Ellen says craving praise can damage your wellbeing. "Always looking to others for approval rather than listening to yourself and how you feel can lead to anger, stress and depression because you never think you're good enough." Are you a praise junkie? Turn over to find out...

THE QUIZ

SECTION 1

1 What's your favourite party look?

A vintage top and some fab heels (C)
Your trusty LBD (A)
Harem pants, Dynasty shoulder pads and some statement bling (B)

2 How do you hope your boss describes you?

Indispensable (A)
One of a kind (B)
Reliable (C)

3 When your friend rings in tears at midnight, you:

Spend hours convincing her it's not that bad. Again (A)
Make a date to talk it all through the next day (C)
Ignore it. That's what voicemail is for (B)

4 Your favourite Saturday night consists of...

Persuading your mates to try karaoke (C)
Cooking a romantic dinner for two at home (A)
Going wild! Drinking a bottle of wine and dancing on the bar (B)

5 How much weight would you like to lose?

None. You're happy the way you are, ta (B)
That last 7lb you've been fighting to lose for months (A)
Nothing drastic, just a few pounds off your muffin top would be great (C)

SECTION 2

Tick the statements that apply to you:

I often feel flat after seeing friends (A)
No one can make me feel bad (B)
I'd stay home from work if I thought I had swine flu (C)
I beat myself up over little mistakes (A)
I'd never accept a compliment I didn't deserve (C)
I've lost touch with a lot of friends (B)
I'm happy spending time on my own (C)
My friends don't like my partner (A)
My last break-up was very messy (B)
I struggle to make quick decisions (A)
I put myself first, as no one else will (B)
I'm not afraid to be wrong (C)

THE RESULTS

IF YOU SCORED MOSTLY As YOU'RE: A PRAISE JUNKIE

You're hard-working, loyal and ultra-kind, but you need reassurance like the rest of us need air. "You have such low self-confidence that without praise you feel anxious and beat yourself up for not having done better," says addiction psychologist Corinne Sweet. "The continual need to be needed means you often have relationships with people who are uncaring because you put all the effort in yourself."

FIX IT! Start by working out who it is you're most desperate to get praise from, says psychotherapist Jo Ellen Grzyb. "Often they're the toxic friends who are secretly undermining your self-esteem. Does an old gal pal leave you feeling flat? Or do all your close friends hate your partner? There might be a very good reason. Those people might be the confidence-crushers who are feeding your praise addiction." Harsh though it may be, you either have to take the plunge and cut them from your life, or face up to confronting them about their behaviour. "Realising it's them and not you who needs to change can break you free from your neediness," says Jo Ellen.

IF YOU SCORED MOSTLY Bs YOU'RE: A SMOKESCREEN QUEEN

You come across as self-assured and independent, someone who couldn't care less what others think, but chances are your attitude is all a front to hide the fact you can't bear to let anyone in. "You're the opposite of a praise junkie, but your behaviour also stems from insecurity," explains Jo Ellen. "It's likely it comes from the pain of being humiliated in the past. Now you never seek approval because you're too scared - what if someone says something that crushes you?"

FIX IT! Brushing off praise and being aloof means you often miss out on the feel-good factor of accepting a compliment. "Your constantly defiant role means you get isolated," says Corinne. One way to let others in is to compliment them. "Practise by saying something nice to a colleague or friend every day for the next week," suggests Jo Ellen. "It's easy to say: 'Where did you get those amazing shoes?' or 'You made that look so easy!'" This will help you develop more balanced, trusting relationships.

IF YOU SCORED MOSTLY Cs YOU'RE: A BALANCED BABE

Top marks! You know how to accept a compliment, but you won't fall into a quivering heap if you're not told how fabulous you are. "You're not relying on other people's praise to feel better," says Dr Funke Baffour, a clinical psychologist specialising in self-confidence**. "You appreciate others' points of view but you have your own as well and can recognise when to assert yourself."

FIX IT! Attagirl. You don't rely on a daily fix of praise to boost the way you feel, but it's still easy to slip into the approval trap. Give yourself a reality check by reminding yourself you can handle whatever the world throws at you. "Listing what you're grateful for in life has been shown to make you more positive, less vulnerable to depression and less likely to look for praise," explains Jo Ellen. "Also, think through all the positive things you achieve on a daily basis - even things like making an amazing dinner. It's not in our culture to say: 'I did a good job with that', but privately being a bit big-headed and proud of what you've achieved keeps you emotionally stable."

PHOTOGRAPHY: SCOPE BEAUTY *VISIT JO ELLEN'S WEBSITE AT IMPACTFACTORY.COM **FIND OUT MORE ABOUT DR FUNKE AT ACEPSYCHOLOGY.COM

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