‘I’m starving myself to a size zero – for him’

Lily Denizci is 19 and lives in Westminster, London, with her boyfriend, Kaarel Aulik, a 19-year-old barman. Lily says: "When I first met Kaarel two years ago at college, I was a size 4, the equivalent of a US size zero, and that was the way I liked it. I ate very carefully to stay that slim, and my diet mainly consisted of steamed vegetables and fruit. Kaarel only likes skinny women, so he loved my figure and was always complimenting me. He loved the way my stomach caved in and my hip bones jutted out.

Then, six months ago, I fell out with my parents and started comfort eating, snacking on chocolate and making sandwiches between meals. I soon piled on the pounds. I'm 5ft 3in and went from 7st 5lb to 8st 10lb, and up two dress sizes, making me a size 8.

At first Kaarel didn't mention it because he was trying to be supportive, but when my relationship with my parents began to improve after a couple of months, he suggested that I lose weight. He started by dropping gentle hints, but one day he said: 'Lily, it's time to think about losing the weight you've put on. You looked much better before.'

I was upset at first, but deep down I knew he was right. I had put on weight, and I wanted to get back to my old self. I liked seeing my hip bones and ribs sticking out. Now they had a soft covering on them. I promised Kaarel I'd regain my shape, as long as he worked on getting a six-pack in return.

I'm trying to diet but I'm finding it very hard. Some days I break down in tears because I'm not losing any weight. Kaarel just says: 'Crying won't help. You need to diet more and do more exercise.' He also tells me to stop moaning about being pear-shaped and work on slimming down my legs instead. I know some women would be furious, but I don't feel angry with him. I know he's just trying to help.

She likes to see her ribs sticking out

Kaarel makes no secret of the fact he misses my old body. He makes sure we eat lots of salad and vegetables, and we don't go out for dinner often as it would be hard for me to stick to healthy options. He knows I struggle with willpower.

Our sex life is good. I know he still loves me and wants to sleep with me, but I do feel more self-conscious now because I know he doesn't like my body as much.

My friends are worried and tell me I don't need to lose weight. They're scared I might end up with an eating disorder, but I'd rather that than be fat!

When I was skinny, Kaarel would often buy me chocolates, but now he buys me flowers instead. And if I do have chocolate in the house, he'll take it away from me. He often suggests going to the gym together, and the other day he joked that if I put on another kilo he'd tie me to his car and make me run behind it.

Luckily, Kaarel never tries to make me jealous by looking at other, skinnier women, but sometimes he'll see a stick-thin model in a magazine and tell me that I'd look nice like that. I know if I went up to a size 10 or 12 he'd dump me.

It may be hard to believe, but none of this upsets me. I wouldn't be too happy if a boyfriend who'd looked like Peter Andre suddenly had a beer belly. My body now isn't the one Kaarel fell in love with and he's just honest about it. I know he loves me, he just doesn't love the way I look right now."

Kaarel says: "I love Lily but I have to admit I'm not sure that I'd have fancied her in the first place if she'd been a size 8 when we met. I like very slim women, like Jordan, so when Lily was a size zero, I thought she looked gorgeous.

Lily was a size zero when she met Kaarel

I know the things I say might sound harsh, but Lily and I have a good relationship and can be honest with each other, so she doesn't mind. She's desperate to lose weight, so the way I see it is that I'm helping her get what we both want. I know I'm not perfect. I'm trying to get a six-pack, because that's the deal we've made.

I don't buy Lily sweets any more because I know she's trying to lose weight, and I try to help her by cooking healthy meals. If there's chocolate in the house, I eat it first so she doesn't ruin her diet. If she did, she'd only get upset.

When I'm out in the street, or on the beach, I want a slim girl by my side. That's why I'd have serious thoughts about our relationship if Lily ever got to a size 10 or 12. I don't have a problem with fat people, but it's not the body shape I personally find attractive. Ask any man how he'd feel if the slim woman he fell in love with ballooned to a size 20 and they'd tell you the same thing. You have to find your partner physically attractive. I'm sure Lily wouldn't be too pleased if I let myself go either.

Lily is still my perfect girlfriend, and I love her for who she is, but I can't wait until she gets her perfect body back too."

'HE DUMPED ME WHEN I LOST WEIGHT'

SIZE 14: Lisa now feels confident about her body

Lisa Rawlings, 34, is single and lives in London. She worked for local government as an office administrator, but is currently between jobs.

Lisa says: "I was a size 18 and weighed 14st when I met David* on holiday in Goa four years ago. Even though the shorts and top I was wearing didn't disguise my size, he told me I looked really good. I didn't believe him. I'd been large since my teens and had spent years hating my body. My thighs rubbed together and my belly hung over my waistband. I'd had boyfriends, but I never believed they really liked me.

The same was true with David. While he seemed attracted to me, I was positive it was just a holiday fling. So when he called to ask me out a few days after I got home, I couldn't believe it.

Soon we were inseparable. The weird thing was that while David, who worked in advertising, was slim and fit, he was constantly saying how much he loved my curves. He'd tell me how he found big women like Dawn French really attractive and thought stick-thin women were a turn-off. I couldn't see why any man would prefer a fat woman like me. But he must have done, because he was always turning up at my flat with chocolate and greasy takeaways.

SIZE 18: Lisa on her Goa holiday

Looking back, he definitely encouraged me to eat more. Now I realise he loved the fact I was putting on weight. In the four years we were together I put on over a stone - going up to 15st 2lb and a size 20. I was never very confident and the added weight made me even more self-conscious.

I'd often moan about my size, but David would tell me I looked great and shouldn't diet. He'd say the curvier, the better. He was a fantastic cook and would give me huge portions of lasagne or meats in rich sauces. I would always finish them because I had so little willpower. If I hesitated, he'd say: 'Come on, you can eat that.'

Last August, I started worrying about my health when I realised that being overweight was making my joints ache. I decided to try a meal replacement diet, but I didn't tell David or my friends at first because I didn't want them to put me off. David and I weren't living together so I made sure I met him for drinks rather than meals out.

The weight fell off really quickly and I was soon a dress size smaller. I was thrilled, but I knew David wasn't so keen. He would tell me I looked better bigger, and that he didn't like being able to feel my bones when he hugged me.

He'd cook delicious meals to tempt me, or suggest going out for dinner, but I was totally focused on dieting. Every time I said no I could almost feel another crack in our relationship. I felt that him wanting me to stay big was as shallow as men only liking skinny girls. I'm still not sure if David wanted me to stay a size 20 because he liked that shape or because the fact I wasn't confident about my appearance meant I wouldn't have other men chatting me up.

David and Lisa shortly before their split

By the end of November, I'd lost 2st. I felt like a new woman, but it was obvious David didn't like the new me as much as I did and he finished with me. I was upset, but I'd seen it coming for a while. He told me that he wasn't happy and that I was no longer the person he'd fallen in love with. He didn't have to tell me what he meant by that.

David said I'd changed and I had - but as far as I was concerned, it was for the better. I now weigh 12st 6lb and I'm a size 14. I feel great - I have more confidence and I get a lot more attention from men. I haven't kept in touch with David and I don't want to. I'm single but when I do meet a man, it will be someone who likes me for the right reasons. I want someone to love me for who I am, not my body shape."

'IT'S ALL ABOUT CONTROL'

Psychologist and relationship expert Simone Bienne says: "When a man wants a woman to stay stick thin or overweight, it's not about her. Something will have happened in his past that makes him want to punish the woman he's supposed to love by projecting his issues on to her. This kind of man goes for vulnerable women because a secure person wouldn't put up with it. By going along with him, a woman is allowing him to control her. My advice to any woman in this type of relationship is to think about whether it's healthy - any kind of overly controlling behaviour is damaging."

PHOTOGRAPHY: JAMIE HUGHES, SYRIOL JONES HAIR & MAKE-UP: OONAGH CONNOR AT JOY GOODMAN, SARA BOWDEN LILY WEARS: DRESS, LIPSY KAAREL WEARS: JEANS AND SHIRT, BURTON; SHOES, TOPMAN * NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED LISA USED THE MEAL REPLACEMENT DIET WEIGHT TO GO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT SIMONE BIENNE AT HELPINGYOURRELATIONSHIP.COM