Are you destined to cheat?
You may think your love life's rosy, but with more women having affairs, are
you about to fall into the infidelity trap?
Your bank balance isn't the only thing suffering from the credit crunch - it could be sending your relationship into the red as well. New research reveals a whopping 25 per cent of us think our love lives are under strain*. Infidelity expert Tess Stimson, author of Beat The Bitch: How To Stop The Other Woman Stealing Your Man (Macmillan, £11.99) isn't surprised.
"With all the doom and gloom around, we're all searching for new ways to inject a little excitement into our lives," she says. "So it stands to reason that four in 10 women are cheating on their partners right now** - and the figures are increasing daily."
And even if you don't consider yourself the cheating kind, you're still not safe from straying. "The possibility is there for everyone to cheat. Monogamy's not a natural state, and chances are it's only a matter of time before you're tempted," Tess, 38, continues. And after being the mistress, the cheated and the unfaithful wife herself, she should know.
So, are you in danger of doing the dirty? Take our quiz to find out...
THE QUIZ Choose the answer that most applies to you:
SECTION 1
1
When it comes to arguments with your partner, do you:
a
Avoid them at all costs - you hate rowing
b Get stuck
in - a good barney really clears the air
c Only lose
your temper after weeks of quietly fuming inside
2 How often have you changed your job in the last five years?
a
Once - you're happy where you are
b Two or
three times - the opportunities looked too good to miss
c
More than three - any longer than a year and you get bored
3 When you were younger, were you:
a A little princess
- you could do nothing wrong
b Goldilocks - you had to
try everything before making a decision
c Pollyanna - always
finding the positive
4 You're planning a few drinks out tonight. Do you:
a
Go as you are - it's hardly worth dressing up for
b
Glam up! There's no better excuse for a new frock
c
Pull on your favourite top and jeans
5 How many people know your computer password?
a Only
your partner - well, it is his name
b No one - you
don't want anyone snooping
c Password? You don't
bother - your life's an open book
SECTION 2
Answer
yes or no to the following
6 I'm happy to go more than a
week without sex
7 I'd forgive my man if he cheated
8
I have hobbies my partner doesn't share
9 I think I'm
more attractive than my partner
10 I'd cover up for my best
mate if I caught her stealing
Add up your score
Q1 a1; b3; c2 Q2 a3; b2; c1Q3 a1; b2; c3 Q4
a1; b3; c2; Q5 a2; b1; c3 Q6-10 Yes 0; No 1
WILL YOU BE UNFAITHFUL?
IF YOU SCORED: 7 OR UNDER
YOU'RE IN THE DANGER ZONE
Whether
it's the 'grass is greener' syndrome or feeling insecure, cheating seems
like the solution to your relationship problems. But don't go there! "My
affair seemed a good idea," reveals Tess, who cheated after discovering her
husband's infidelity. "I wanted to feel desirable. But it didn't make me
feel better or save my marriage." First be honest - do you really want to
save your relationship? If yes, take emergency action. "A relationship only
works if both people want it to," says Tess. "Make sure you and your man
make each other the centre of your lives."
Stop the stray: Communication is key, says relationship psychologist Corinne Sweet. "Set aside 30 minutes each week to talk through issues and listen. If it's too tricky, write a letter about how you're feeling instead."
IF YOU SCORED: 8-13
YOU'RE DABBLING WITH DANGER
Eek!
You're halfway to affairsville. That cheeky banter with Mr Accounts might
seem innocent, but what's making you seek approval from other men in the
first place? Whatever it is, you could be playing with fire. "It's easy for
a frisson to turn into more," says Tess, who also went from friends to fling
after a night of salsa and caipirinhas. "Add excitement back into your
relationship. Try to see your partner as if he was a stranger - this will
reconnect you with what you first found attractive about him."
Stop the stray: Prevention, prevention, prevention, says sexpert Dr Pam Spurr. "Avoid the flirty bloke at work. Couples forget to have fun together, so as well as rekindling the romance, put the fun back into being together. Even doing something childish like playing on the swings will get you back on the same wavelength."
IF YOU SCORED: 4-20
YOU'RE IN DANGER DENIAL
Chances
are you're loved-up and happy now, but that's no reason to relax. As Tess
says: "Everyone becomes complacent. Seven years after I met my husband, I
discovered he was having an affair. You're always in the danger zone, so be
alert and be aware." Remember that while you don't think you'll cheat, that
doesn't mean he won't be tempted. "You both need to keep making small
gestures as a constant reminder of how much you care," she says.
Stop the stray: Instead of doing a continual analysis, have a love MOT every few months, suggests Pam. "Shut out the world for a day and re-energise with a lazy lie-in, refresh with a bike ride, then recharge your sex life with something new such as a book - try Pam's Sizzling Sex: The Sex Doctor's 250 Hottest Tips, Tricks & Techniques (JR Books Ltd, £7.99) for inspiration - and point out what you'd like to try."
IS HE CHEATING? THE SIGNS
Forget sexy new boxers - here are some
more subtle giveaways
He suddenly can't face your parents -
despite getting on well for years
He remembers Valentine's Day for
the first time in ages
He encourages you to go on more girlie
nights out
He becomes obsessed with contraception
He calls
you a lot when he's away - to stop you checking up
He
stops using your pet name
He cancels those extra pay-for TV
channels to free up cash
PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON HAIR: ALICE THEOBALD AT JOY GOODMAN USING LABEL M & BOBBI BROWN MAKE-UP: SARA BOWDEN STYLING: LUCIE CLIFFORD MODELS: KATE MAHONEY AT MOT MODELS, TOM MITCHELL AT NEVS KATE WEARS: DRESS, JOVONNA TOM WEARS: CLOTHES, TOPMAN *ACCORDING TO A SURVEY BY INSIDEDIVORCE.COM **ACCORDING TO DR LUISA DILLNER
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