Is Mr Right in your phone book already?

Looking for the perfect partner? Chances are he's under your nose

The first time Suzanna Jenkin kissed her husband Tom she was 13 and sitting in the back row of Barnet Odeon watching Home Alone.

"We'd met on the tennis courts between our two schools, but our romance didn't last long - we split up a week later. I think he snogged someone else on a German exchange trip," she says.

But in July last year, Suzanna, 32, from north London, found herself walking down the aisle with her childhood boyfriend. And there are plenty of women just like her. Research has shown that in most cases, your perfect partner is already in your life. Whether you catch the same bus in the morning, or get sweaty on the treadmill next to him in the gym, the chances that you already know your future partner are huge.

"You're six degrees of separation from everyone in the world, and probably only one degree away from the person you'll end up with," says Andrew G Marshall, relationship therapist and author of The Single Trap. "Ninety per cent of couples I've met were friends, friends of friends, or work associates long before they got together. Some of them didn't even notice each other to begin with."

Research has also found 29 per cent of married people in the UK had their spouse's number stored in their mobile for some time before hooking up. And a third of us will end up with an ex-workmate or schoolmate, whose phone digits we're currently 'storing but ignoring'. The message is clear - our perfect match is right under our nose.

Suzanna, who now works in IT sales, and her husband Tom, 31, a teacher, never lost touch after their teen romance ended, but for years they were friends and nothing more.

"Once, at a party when we were 20, a friend hinted that Tom liked me, but I just shrugged it off," says Suzanna. "He had been seeing the same girl since he was 14 and we were at different universities. Then for most of my 20s I was in a relationship with a man I loved. I honestly thought that was it."

Your future husband could be in your phone book

But love finally blossomed between the pair on a New Year trip to Brittany with a group of friends in 2004 - 14 years after their first date. By now, Suzanna was single, but Tom was still attached.

"We flirted throughout the holiday. It was a shock to realise that there was a spark between us - the chemistry had built up but never been acted on," remembers Suzanna. "On the return ferry, with the sun going down, we had this lovely 'Wow, how's this happened?' chat, and days later Tom finished with his girlfriend. We both knew that this was 'it'. It was like we'd been waiting for something to happen - it only took us 14 years!"

According to Andrew, trust is key. "It's the most important thing in a relationship and you don't have it with strangers," he says. "That's why lots of people end up with a friend's ex - they know what kind of person they are."

So instead of wildly dating, with a rigid 'perfect man' checklist, Andrew advises going back to basics. "Remember university and school," he says. "You didn't 'date'. You hung around with people and paired off. That's what we need to do now: hang out, mix and take another look at people we already know."

At Suzanna and Tom's wedding, a third of their guests were old school friends. "I love being with someone I've known my whole life," says Suzanna. "Tom and I have the kind of history I couldn't have with anyone else."

'I didn't fancy him for five years'

Mercy Ajisafe, 22, from north London is a law student. She is in a relationship with Stephen Dyer, 24, a computer science student from London

"I met Stephen when I was 15. We both worked part-time at Sainsburys in Camden - me on the tills, him on fruit and veg - and we didn't fancy each other. He was 17 and too young for me; I was 5 foot 10, mature for my age and only interested in twenty-something guys. Our uniforms were deeply unsexy - it wasn't the environment for a romance. We were great mates though. I'd hang around for him after my shift and spent hours talking to him about nonsense. When I left after 18 months we kept in touch but then he went to Uni, changed his number, and for two years I didn't see him.

Then two summers ago, I walked past him in my local park. He looked completely different; all grown up. I still didn't fancy him - I was just delighted to rekindle our friendship. For weeks we spoke constantly, sometimes for 12 hours a day. We had so much in common it was ridiculous.

Then one day, Stephen joked, "This isn't a friendship - it's more like a marriage!" and the conversation turned awkward. Like we'd both had this huge joint moment of realisation. I was apprehensive about ruining our friendship but our first date was just 'wow' and I now know there's nobody else for me. I can't believe I never saw it.

For years friends joked, "Maybe your person's him, or him?" about men we knew and then, right out of nowhere, I just knew that it was Stephen and had been all along.

Stephen says: "I was always talking to friends about all the qualities I desired my ideal partner to have but didn't know how on earth I was going to find a girl like that. Then I bumped into a friend I thought I'd lost and after hours of conversation it started to become obvious we were so alike in so many ways and the penny finally dropped! Before, I'd been caught up in a previous relationship and didn't have the time to realize how well suited we were."

The Single Trap by Andrew G Marshall is out now (Bloomsbury, £12.99).

Photography: Alicia Clarke, Getty Images Hair & make-up: Caroline Piasecki

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