This week, Amanda Holden turns showgirl and gets a taste of what it's like to be a Strictly star
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 15
I'm in the French capital for the next leg of my ITV1 show Fantasy Lives. This time I'm joining the legendary Bluebell Girls cabaret troupe as a showgirl, dancing at the Lido de Paris on the Champs Élysées. Ooh la la! Tonight I go to watch the girls perform. When the curtain rises the stage fills with beautiful dancers dressed in bird-like outfits. Suddenly I want to cry - this is the most complicated choreography I've ever seen!
My producer tells me the man behind these crazy moves is Strictly judge Craig Revel Horwood. I text Bruno Tonioli: "Tell your friend Craig I'm going to die doing this!" He replies: "You're the star, darling - change the choreography!" As if.
I think the Lido is even more spectacular than the Moulin Rouge where I'd first intended to dance, but snootily, they wouldn't let us film backstage. So I may not be following in Nicole Kidman's footsteps, but the Bluebells are gorgeous and some of the girls even dance with their boobs out. Don't panic, I won't be flashing mine. There's not much to see - everyone would think I was a bloke in drag!
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 16
Rehearsals begin this morning. For one dance I'll be arriving on stage riding a huge fake elephant (I know, very Take That). I fantasise about making the same grand entrance on Britain's Got Talent. As if Simon would have any of that!
My fellow showgirls are all in their early 20s and over 5ft 8in tall. At 5ft 4in, I feel like Jimmy Krankie and my legs are like tree trunks next to their svelte pins. Ironically, many of them were bullied at school for being tall and felt like rejects because they were too big for ballet.
Later, during my costume fitting, I realise that my height is going to be a major problem. I'm swamped in everything I wear including my fishnets. But after much pinning and hoisting, I'm good to go. Dressed in all my showgirl plumage, I look like a distant relative of Sesame Street's Big Bird. Hilarious!
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 18
In the words of Alexandra Burke - Hallelujah! I've finally got the hang of the dance routines. For years I've watched Strictly and felt sympathy for the stars learning those dances each week, but today it stops. I've trained three hours a day for three days and learned three routines, never mind doing one in a week!
I'm fit but not a natural dancer so it's been painful. But it feels good to earn my keep by doing something daring. Which leads me to Cheryl Cole's performance of her new single Fight For This Love on The X Factor last night. I know she was nervous, but she was brilliant. I'd have been more scared of performing in front of Simon than the public!
This afternoon I'm in a restaurant at the top of Montmartre guzzling French onion soup when Piers texts: "And they're off!", referring to the Brazilian Grand Prix. Later, when Chris rings to tell me our friend Jenson Button is now Formula 1 world champ, I let out a cheer. This time last year at our wedding he was out of a job. Now look at him! I'm so proud.
What do you think of Amanda's diary? Email her at amanda@fabulousmag.co.uk
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