Will he tell everyone if we have sex?

Q: I've just ended a two-year relationship and have now met a guy at college. We both want a friends-with-benefits relationship, but I'm worried he'll tell everyone at college about it. I don't want to look easy - what should I do? Rebecca, by email

Toxic: Ooh, Rebecca had sex. Rebecca had sex. Or did she? I can't remember, because I have more important things to worry about than whether some girl at college slept with some guy. In other words, get over yourself. No one really cares about your sex life but you and the guy you're doing it with, so as long as you don't get caught pleasuring the entire rugby team or dogging in the car park, you aren't going to get viewed as cheap or easy. Yes, think seriously before sleeping with a guy you've just met (especially since you've clearly only had one sexual partner). But you're old enough to have sex, so if you want to have sex, follow the Nike motto and just do it!

Tantric: You're not easy, you're practical! But I do think you should consider a different shag buddy. A guy has to be a "friend" to get the benefits, and someone you can't trust to respect your privacy doesn't qualify. When you do find someone to be your bonk buddy, keep it simple. Practise safe sex, don't see him more often than about once a week and whatever you do, do not film yourselves naked. If you want to keep it casual, be clear about that and insist on discretion. If dinner starts coming on a public table instead of out of a takeaway container, it's a date, not a booty call. And remember, even if he tells the whole college, you can always deny it.

Q: I'm 31 and when I suggested to my boyfriend of a year that we move in together, he said he wasn't ready. Does he like me or am I wasting my time? Patsy, by email

Toxic: I'm sensing you're not the most laid-back lady, but stop panicking. A) It's perfectly plausible that your man likes you, but isn't ready to cohabit. B) You're 31, not 51 - time is still on your side. C) It's been one year, not six. Look at the bigger picture. You're a 31-year-old woman in a relationship with a man you love. Which puts you miles ahead of many people around your age (including me) and way ahead of where you'll be if you pressurise him into dumping you.

Tantric: In man-speak, "not ready" can mean anything from "not this year" to "when hell freezes over". You can't drag a man kicking and screaming into living with you, so talk to him again. If he thinks you're The One, he won't be worried about discussing the future. If he avoids the issue, though, he could be keeping his options open. I'd take the hint and find someone who doesn't think a spare toothbrush is a major commitment.

THE TOXIC GUIDE TO: REALITY TV

The Toxic Bachelor takes you on a journey into men's minds. But be warned, it ain't pretty...

I have better things to do than watch reality TV. Which is why I couldn't possibly tell you I love Simon Cowell and thought Ali Bastian looked hot in sequins. My point? Despite our protests, men watch, follow, and secretly quite like reality TV. Single men watch it because it gives them conversation starters (exhibit A: the guys down your local talking kangaroo bits), while attached men appreciate it because it gives them a reason to stare at Cheryl Cole. So why do we pretend otherwise? Well, 'reluctantly' watching it gives us a bargaining chip to redeem at a later, more useful, date. Plus, while men have come a long way in the 21st century, if you think we're ready to publicise our love for glorified karaoke or ballroom dancing, you're crazy.

Email your questions to toxicandtantric@fabulousmag.co.uk

PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON ILLUSTRATION: SPENCER WILSON STUART IS REGULARS EDITOR OF FHM TANTRIC AND TOXIC REGRET THEY CAN'T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY

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