Now I’ve fallen for him, he won’t see me

Q: I've been dating a guy from work for three months after he spent almost a year wooing me. At first we met up every week, but in the last month I've hardly seen him. We both have busy lives, but while I'm willing to drop things in my diary, he isn't. When I mention it, he tells me to chill. How can I handle this? Lauren, by email

Toxic: Tip for the future: never date anyone who uses the word "chill". Tip for the present: move on, because this bloke is only interested in the thrill of the chase. He's a vain snake who targets women not because he fancies them, but because he wants to put his charms to the test. And now you're interested, you're yesterday's news. Yep, he's a loser, but at least you have a chance for revenge. Stop calling and he'll come slithering back. And when he does? If you want to teach him a little lesson, say: "Not if you were the last man on Earth." And if you want to teach him a large one, say "Yes", then dump on him from a great height.

Tantric: Men are hunters, but some of them are more into the chase than the catch. At the start, you were a challenge. When you refused to go out with him, you became even bigger game. But after he'd finally got a date with you, dragged you back to his cave and had his way with you, the thrill was gone. So now he's out looking for fresh meat. There's nothing you can do about it, because it wasn't really about you in the first place. So move on and find a more mature guy who's ready to sink his teeth into a real relationship. Remember, there was a good reason why you weren't really that into him in the first place.

Q: My wife has just told me she's been faking orgasms for the past four years. I'm gutted. What should I do? Matt, by email

Toxic: You didn't think she'd done a Meg Ryan at all in four years? What's your surname - Kama Sutra? Fear not, you're not sexually inept - you're a man, and sometimes men can't make women orgasm. That said, it's an issue you need to confront. Is it something you're doing/not doing? Can she orgasm by masturbating? If she answers no, yes, yes - head to bed and get her to show you exactly what she wants. If she answers shrug, shrug, shrug, the spark's gone, so it's "Hel-lo, sex counsellor".

Tantric: You're gutted? At least you've been getting off for four years! Time to get over your hurt and on your knees. Find her clitoris, and stay down there until she tells you what she likes. Encourage her to masturbate in front of you so you can learn what she enjoys. Ask her what really turns her on. The main aim is to make sex fun, not to put pressure on both of you to perform. And don't be too hard on yourself. It's not your fault she didn't speak up sooner.

The Toxic Guide to: Jealousy

The Toxic Bachelor takes you on a journey into men's minds. But be warned, it ain't pretty...

He'll notice the barman winking at you and the bloke sizing up your bum. But no man will actually tell you he's jealous. Instead he'll camouflage the green-eyed monster in 'she's mine' stares, public displays of affection and territory-stamping Facebook posts. That's because we know how unattractive jealousy is. Sure, some suspicion shows a man cares, but endless questioning means he's either got something to hide and is deflecting the heat, or he's way too needy. Of course, jealousy can be used as a weapon too - texting female friends is a classic attempt to provoke envy. But it works both ways, so if you want to see if your man still fancies you, get on the dance floor and get grinding. If he's bothered, he'll be over like a shot. If he's not, he'll be getting the drinks in at the bar.

Email your questions to toxicandtantric@fabulousmag.co.uk

PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON ILLUSTRATION: SPENCER WILSON STUART IS REGULARS EDITOR OF FHM TANTRIC AND TOXIC REGRET THEY CAN'T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY

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