I’M FALLING OUT OF LOVE – SHOULD I MOVE ON?
Q: I've been with my boyfriend for a year, but recently I've lost those butterfly feelings and I'm worried that I'm falling out of love with him. There's another man on the scene - nothing's happened between us yet, but I can't shake the feeling that I want him more than my boyfriend. What should I do? Shauna, by email
TOXIC: Welcome to one of the biggest hurdles in a long-term relationship - when sex starts to dwindle, habits begin to grate and you start to notice seemingly hot guys everywhere. It's easy to believe that head-turners will help solve the problem. They won't, because they aren't a part of it. Your issue is with your boyfriend, and it comes down to one question - is he The One or are you better off shot of him? Weigh up his pros and cons (in your head - you don't want paper evidence) and make a decision. If it's a temporary blip, try re-sparking the flame. If the butterflies are extinct, it's time he was, too.
TANTRIC: Wow, you've seen way too many Hollywood movies. 'Butterflies' are actually a chemical reaction - you know, the one that makes you want to rip off your boyfriend's clothes. The lust phase in a relationship only lasts around a year, so you have two choices: keep going from man to man, chasing that same high, or grow up and sacrifice some passion in return for security. That doesn't mean sex has to get stale - in fact, this is a great opportunity to share your fantasies with each other. If sex gets so boring that the only way to spice it up is by changing partners, maybe the problem is you and not him.
Q: I woke up at 3am to find my boyfriend masturbating. Then he rolled over and kissed me - it was disgusting. When I confronted him, he said he didn't know he'd done it. Is this possible? Jo, by email
TOXIC: I realise women don't get the whole 'I'm a man, self-love is my favourite hobby' thing, but what's your problem? If your boyfriend doesn't have sexsomnia (having sex in your sleep), then he's probably woken up, and instead of heading to the bathroom with a magazine, has chosen to journey to orgasm by celebrating your female form. Stop retching and start seeing this incident as a compliment, not a criticism of your love-making.
TANTRIC: While having sex in your sleep is a real medical condition, chances are your boyfriend was just embarrassed. Men masturbate for many reasons and some have nothing to do with sex - it's great for insomnia and the cheapest stress relief going! Or he may have woken up from an erotic dream and not wanted to disturb you. Give him a break and be happy he's getting his jollies in bed next to you and not on top of someone else.
The Toxic Guide to: Cooking
The Toxic Bachelor takes you on a
journey into men's minds. But be warned, it ain't pretty...
Peel potatoes, light candles, check sock drawer for condoms No doubt about it, if a man cooks for a woman, it's because he expects dessert to be in the bedroom. And don't buy men who spout "cooking is for wimps" rubbish - thanks to Jamie, Gordon et al, cooking's cool. If a man crafts a mean casserole, he's ready for a relationship. If he dines à la microwave, he'll serve up sex, but be too 'overworked' to concoct love. But never slate a man's cooking and expect to stay on his 'hot' plate. It's the thought that counts, which is why if you can't tackle a tin opener, we see 'high maintenance'. But if you can roast a chicken, we salivate 'potential long-term lover'. And if your cooking's terrible? No worries. It just means: "Honey, I'm home - and I bought takeaway."
Email your questions to toxicandtantric@fabulousmag.co.uk
PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON ILLUSTRATION: SPENCER WILSON STUART IS REGULARS EDITOR OF FHM TANTRIC AND TOXIC REGRET THEY CAN'T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY
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