How could my fiancée dump me?
Q: My fiancée left me last year, while I was out of the house one day. She didn't leave me any kind of explanation - there was no letter and she even took her engagement ring. Now I can't move on and no longer trust anyone. How could she do that to me after six years together? Name and address withheld
TOXIC: Ouch - that must have hurt, like a karate kick to your privates. But, painful or not, you have to stop bleating "How could she?" and start dealing in facts. The only way to ease the pain is to find someone else. Obviously, this won't be easy. It will be a slow, painful process, but you'll reach the other side if you're honest about what's happened. Sure, some dates will hear the first sentence of your story and run a mile, but others won't. They'll give you a platform to speak. Share your pain and you'll eventually get her out of your system. Once you've done that, you'll be ready to move on.
TANTRIC: Would you feel better if she'd left a note? Something along the lines of: "Darling, I'm kicking you to the kerb. But instead of having the mature conversation that you deserve, I'm going to sneak out of the back door like a sewer rat. Oh, and I'm taking the ring with me, so that I can sell it." Classy girl. You should be throwing a party to celebrate the fact that you didn't marry her, because you'd be handing over half your pay cheque each month in a divorce settlement. Give yourself the closure she never gave you, and stop allowing her to steal your future like she did your jewellery.
Q: I want kids but my boyfriend doesn't. We're both 30. Do you think he'll ever change his mind? Jessica, by email
TOXIC: He might. Or he might not. A fence-sitting answer, because I'm not aware of his financial or social situation. The forme ris crucial because men only order our soldiers to create Junior when we feel we can provide for them. And the latter is vital because all men judge themselves against their mates. So if his pals have yet to procreate, there's a chance that he'll want to when they do. If they already have mini-mes and his bank account's healthy, this man's not for fathering.
TANTRIC: If you're sure you must have a baby, get out now. He could change his mind: I've seen guys who were anti-kids in their 30s become dads in their 50s. But you don't have that option. Are you willing to bet your most fertile years on a man who's unsure? If you're waiting for a change of heart, you'll get more stressed as the months go by and your biological clock ticks louder. Sadly there's no compromise here - you can't have half a baby.
THE TOXIC GUIDE TO: SHOPPING
The Toxic Bachelor takes you on a journey into men's minds. But be warned, it ain't pretty...
Men don't hate shopping. Our dictionary merely has a different definition as to what it entails. See. Like. Buy. Take back later, if it doesn't fit. So any bloke who spends more than 20 minutes in Topman is too in love with himself to truly love you. If you do shop with your man, bear in mind we hate it if you do the following: 1) Interrupt us when we're buying gadgets. 2) Insist we go with you to choose a new outfit (modelling your new clothes in private excites us far more). 3) Get us something that's "so next season". Next season? Men wear clothes that suit our style, not upcoming trends. Something we expect you to notice. And if you don't? We might be going shopping - to the New Girlfriend Store.
Email your relationship questions to toxicandtantric@fabulousmag.co.uk
PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON ILLUSTRATION: SPENCER WILSON STUART IS REGULARS EDITOR OF FHM TANTRIC AND TOXIC REGRET THEY CAN'T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY
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