What can I do to get her in the mood?
Q: My girlfriend and I used to have a passionate sex life, but not any more. I've tried everything to get her in the mood - candles, massage, rose petals - but she says she doesn't feel like it any more. I've spoken to her about it and she said she'll try to be more sexual, but what else can I do? Sam, by email
TOXIC: "I've lit candles. I've sprinkled petals. What can I do?" Stop being a sucker and grow a pair. I know I advise people to attempt to stitch up their stuttering sex lives by exploring new things, but there has to be an end point. Sooner or later you have to stop flogging a disinterested honey and say: "Give me a break, love. It takes two to tango." You've tried actions. You've tried words. Both were met by "maybe tomorrow". Uh-uh, not tomorrow - today. Your girl needs to stop promising and start performing. An ultimatum will hopefully give her sex drive a jump-start, otherwise it's time to look elsewhere.
TANTRIC: The only way you're going to get laid is to get her to stop pitying you and start respecting you. You've tried communicating with her and tuning in to her emotions and it didn't work. A blip in sex drive is normal, but no sex is a nail in the coffin for any relationship. Stop begging and start staying out of the house more. And drop hints that there are women out there who would love to have sex with you (although don't actually have sex with them, unless you want a bigger problem). Tell her calmly that you love her, but you're a sexual being and if things don't improve, you're off.
Q: Over the last five years I haven't wanted to get serious with guys, and I like them less after sex. What's wrong with me? Name withheld
TOXIC: It doesn't take Miss Marple to deduce you're picking wrong 'uns. But nothing's wrong with you - you merely have an issue forming a serious relationship. And that issue is fear. You're scared of falling in love because of the risk of getting hurt, so you bed men you don't feel anything for and pretend you'll enter a relationship when someone special comes along. But special people rarely just 'come along'. You need to quit hiding and start seeking.
TANTRIC: Wow, you've seen way too many movies. The initial desire to rip off your boyfriend's clothes lasts up to 18 months. So you have two choices - either you keep going from man to man to get the same high, or you realise you're going to have to sacrifice some initial passion for security. That doesn't mean the relationship has to get stale; in fact it's a great chance to get really intimate. If you change partners just to spice up sex, they aren't the problem.
THE TOXIC TRUTH: CHEATING BOYFRIENDS
The Toxic Bachelor takes you on a journey into men's minds. But be warned,
it ain't pretty...
Just a kiss? Only been together a few
weeks? It matters not - cheating is cheating. It's wrong and men know
it, which is why we ease the guilt by telling our mates, who won't say a
word. Why? Male commandment No 7: Thou shalt not grass up a bed-hopping
buddy. Why do men do it? Regular adulterers justify it as a thrill. In fact,
true cads could lecture in infidelity. A class based around never drawing
attention to yourself (snakes stalk the shadows, not the dance floor). But
one-time mistake-makers - often fuelled by booze - briefly lose control,
then regret it. How can you tell? Well, if he denies and turns the
accusation on to you, he's a born cheat. But if he has the guts to look you
in the eye and confess (and risk castration via Louboutin), he's worth a
second chance.
Email your relationship questions to toxicandtantric@fabulousmag.co.uk
PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON ILLUSTRATION: SPENCER WILSON STUART IS REGULARS EDITOR OF FHM TANTRIC AND TOXIC REGRET THEY CAN'T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY
Please note: All comments are moderated.
Tick this box to accept our
TERMS & CONDITIONS
This article has 0 comments