Shall I move in with him or is it too soon?
Q:I met a guy two months ago and he's just asked me to move in with him. We're both 30 and although I really like him and I'd like to live with him, my friends and family say I'm rushing into things. What do you think? Jenny, by email
TOXIC: I think you're 30. Which means you're old enough to make decisions for yourself - so if you want to move in with this guy, do. However, it also means you're old enough to have developed a really close group of friends - so no matter how heated the debate, remember they aren't 'backstabbing bitches', they're just concerned you're jumping into shacking up with Stevie-come-lately. Only time can prove if they're right or wrong, but at least listen to them. After all, if it goes well, you'll need someone to invite to the wedding. And if it doesn't, you'll need their help burning his clothes.
TANTRIC: Moving in together during the honeymoon phase is always risky, but really, what's the worst that could happen? You move in, find out that you actually hate each other, he changes the locks, throws your clothes into the street and your friends get to say: "We told you so!" Or you could be blissfully happy. Life's short, and you're old enough to know yourself. So go for it! But talk about who'll pay for what before you move in, and keep your money separate for now. It's his place, so you need an exit strategy in case things go wrong. Relationships, unlike leases, don't have break clauses, and when they end suddenly, it can get ugly.
Q: My boyfriend won't do foreplay. He goes straight for the main action, which isn't as fulfilling. Is he just a selfish lover? Amy, by email
TOXIC: There aren't selfish lovers - only selfish sh*****s and lacklustre lovers. One's using you to get off, the other has no idea how to get you off. Your man's the latter. To cure him, send his passion-free fingers online. Say you discovered new ways to tantalise him on the web and want him to do the same. He'll scuttle to research ways to arouse you. Why the subterfuge? Men can't handle sex criticism. It kneecaps our masculinity and makes us hobble off into the sunset.
TANTRIC: Maybe he's never been with a woman who's had the guts to tell him that five minutes of thrusting doesn't make him a sex god. So stop faking and start talking! Give him a hands-on demo of how to give you an orgasm so he knows how fantastic it feels when you're both sexually satisfied. But if he keeps rolling on top of you, having his way, and falling asleep, I'd find someone else. Don't let him treat you as an alternative to his right hand.
THE TOXIC TRUTH: FACEBOOK ETIQUETTE
The Toxic Bachelor takes you on a journey into men's minds. Be warned, it ain't pretty
Face facts - your profile is a danger zone. Updating your status every three minutes suggests you're desperate. Those innocent pictures? Nightclub VIP zones say "high maintenance". No close-up snaps? You clearly look better from a distance. Remember, men go on Facebook for two reasons - voyeurism and titillation (we like a cheap thrill - so think twice about those bikini snaps). Men rarely update their own profiles, so don't be upset by ex-girlfriend pics - he'll have forgotten they're there. If a man ignores your friendship request, it means: "I don't want to sleep with you." And a message from a man you barely know means: "I want to sleep with you." Once in a relationship, your man's Facebooking will decrease. Not that he's in a relationship, of course, until he changes his status. Well, if he likes you, he will. If he doesn't, he'll keep playing the virtual field.
Email your questions to toxicandtantric@fabulousmag.co.uk
PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON ILLUSTRATION: SPENCER WILSON STUART IS REGULARS EDITOR OF FHM TANTRIC AND TOXIC REGRET THEY CAN'T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY
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