Q: I've been seeing a guy for four months. He says he really likes me and doesn't want to see anyone else, but doesn't want a girlfriend at this point in his life (he's 23). His friends and family say he thinks I'm great, so what's wrong? Nina, by email

TOXIC: Four months in and you've met his friends, socialised with his family, and had him admit he "doesn't want to see anyone else" - trust me, you're his girlfriend. Why wouldn't he say as much? As a fellow commitment-phobe, here are a few possible reasons: 1. The idea of admitting he's in a relationship makes him break out in a cold sweat. 2. He's heard girls like guys to play it cool. 3. He doesn't want his mates to say he's under the thumb. 4. He thinks it's going well, so doesn't want to jinx things by upping the stakes. 5. He realises tags mean nothing - it's feelings that count. In other words, quit obsessing over terminology and enjoy the ride.

TANTRIC: He's 23, not 13, so why are you having to ask his family how much he likes you? Although it's true that women generally mature faster than men, there are exceptions. Some men are ready to be dads at 20, others are still clubbing at 45. But his line about "not wanting a girlfriend" gives him the perfect excuse to play around without p****ng anyone off. Do you think if Scarlett Johansson suddenly became available and called him, he would say he wasn't ready? What he's really saying is that he doesn't want a serious relationship with you. So when you've had your fun, move on. Because, right now, that's all he wants from you.

Q: My husband's got impotency problems but refuses to see a doctor, saying I shouldn't pressure him. I don't want our sex life to continue like this - how can I help him? Molly, by email

TOXIC: No boners about it, your man's stuck in a vicious penis-won't-work-so-worry-about-penis-not-working cycle. Make him understand that he's not alone - or a failure. Then present him with cold, hard facts ("lots of men suffer from this"). This should help him relax enough to summon an erection or make him informed enough to consult the doc. If not, it's ultimatum time: no stiffy = no sex life. And no sex life = no wife.

TANTRIC: What's he worried about? So a doctor pokes around his privates - the embarrassment will pass. But the throbbing, regular erections can last a lifetime. He may have psychological issues, and you won't know this for sure until he gets diagnosed. Reassure him you love him, then start working oral and manual sex back into the equation. This will take the pressure off his penis - and remind him you're more than just room-mates.

THE TOXIC TRUTH: WINNING A MAN'S HEART

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The Toxic Bachelor takes you on a journey into men's minds. But be warned, it ain't pretty...
There's only one answer to this: bedroom prowess. Yes, boudoir brilliance really is the skill that prompts a definite 'ping' on our wife radar. But we're not entirely shallow. Our wife radar rings regularly, but only continuously chimes after a special lady ascends the other five steps to a male's heart. One: looks. We might say we don't have a type, but we're lying - which is why you resemble our ex. Two: how you dress. I suggest Facebook stalking to see what our female mates wear. Three: connection. We want partners to laugh at our jokes and buy us special, personal gifts. Four: independence. It's a relationship, not a suffocation chamber. Five: praise. We're anxious too, so give us compliments about our looks and, most importantly, tell us we're not fat. In other words, the way to a man's heart really is through his wobbly stomach.

Email your questions to toxicandtantric@fabulousmag.co.uk

PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON ILLUSTRATION: SPENCER WILSON STUART IS REGULARS EDITOR OF FHM TANTRIC AND TOXIC REGRET THEY CAN'T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY

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