I fell for my flatmate - should I move out?

Q I stupidly got involved with my flatmate. We often tried to call it off to be sensible, but then he'd convince me to carry on. Now I've ended up falling for him, he says we're better as friends. I'm thinking of moving out, but will miss our friendship. What do you think is the best thing to do? Kelly, by email

TOXIC: This man used you for sex. But it doesn't mean he doesn't like you (having been the guy who shimmies up the stairs for sex, I'm certain he does). It means he saw you as fun and accessible, with no relationship required. So why, if he just wanted sex, did he keep saying things would work between you? Well, it's because he thought you weren't interested and knew that women prefer sleeping with men who like them. Then you fell for him and he realised he had to stop screwing or get serious. He chose the former, so if you want to move on, move out.

TANTRIC: Leave the house! Getting over a man while living with him is like trying to diet with a box of Krispy Kremes in the room. It's constant temptation. While you're under the same roof, you'll never know if you're his girlfriend or a convenient midnight snack. And you will feel really awkward bringing anyone else home. Once you move out, you can meet him for dates and see if your relationship can flourish outside your front room. Right now you are making all of the compromises of a live-in relationship with none of the commitment - don't settle for it!

Q I recently had an abortion but didn't tell my boyfriend of six months because I was scared he'd stop me. Now I feel really guilty. Can you help? Lisa, by email

TOXIC: With something emotive like this, a problem shared is a problem halved. Unless the person you're talking to is the boyfriend you didn't tell, in which case it's a problem multiplied - and it's why you shouldn't tell him. Reason: no matter how he reacts, the baby is gone. So even if he thinks you did the right thing, telling him now merely highlights the fact you chose not to prior to the termination. Which is a bit like kicking him in the b******s - twice.

TANTRIC: What are you hoping to gain by telling him now? It's your body and ultimately your choice. Yet for some reason you didn't trust the man you love with helping you make this choice. Before you decide to tell him, speak to a counsellor about your feelings. If you do come clean, he'll want to know why you didn't tell him originally, and may feel angry and hurt - even ending the relationship. Give him time to come around.

THE TOXIC TRUTH: EMOTIONS

The Toxic Bachelor takes us on a journey into men's minds. But be warned, it ain't pretty...

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Men are taught two important lessons early in life: 1. Showing emotion is weak. 2. Talking emotions is weak. Thus, from crèche to crematorium, we bottle up our feelings, saying: "We're fine", when we're not. Of course you know this already, but what you don't realise is that we're equally cagey with our mates (mumbling about fish in the sea, then swiftly traversing to the new bird on Countdown). The way to chisel down our defences is to not try to chisel down our defences. The more you hassle us, the more we clam up. So try reverse psychology. Pretend you don't care what's wrong. This catches us off guard and instantly makes our issues seem less important. Result? We'll casually reveal all. However, no matter how open we become, we'll never emote in public. I mean, my grandfather didn't fend off Hitler so I could cry at the end of Marley & Me when the dog carks it.

Email your questions to toxicandtantric@fabulousmag.co.uk

PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON ILLUSTRATION: SPENCER WILSON STUART IS REGULARS EDITOR OF FHM TANTRIC AND TOXIC REGRET THEY CAN'T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY

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