Q: I'm 18 and newly pregnant. I'm tired, feel sick and have gone off sex. Although I keep promising my boyfriend we'll do it "soon", he's impatient. How can I make him see that I love him and it shouldn't destroy our relationship? Name withheld
Toxic: Stop blaming yourself and start questioning your fertile fella. I know you're young and the pregnancy is a shock. I know people say stay together for the baby. But ask yourself this - do you want your child being raised by someone moronic enough to say: "Alright love, I know you've been puking all morning, but I'm not going to hang around unless I get laid, so fancy a quickie?" If your answer is yes, good luck. If it's no, lay it on the line. Either he sidelines sex and shapes up or he can sod off. A decision that, while initially painful, will prove correct over time.
Tantric: Let's face it, it's hard to feel sexy when your head's in the toilet. You have an immature creature making constant demands on your changing body - and then there's the baby too! What you're experiencing is normal - sex drive often takes a dive during the first three months. You could cheer him up by telling him that after that, lots of pregnant women want to jump on top of their men at every turn. But either way, your focus should be on having a healthy baby. And your man needs to be more understanding if your idea of foreplay is scoffing a litre of Ben & Jerry's.
Q: When my mother-in-law comes to stay she makes comments about my house and my standard of housework. What should I do? Liz, by email
Toxic: If it were me, I'd think: "If she wants to tidy up, she can. It saves me doing it." But I know this isn't about her hogging housework. It's about respect. You have three options: rugby tackle her while she's dusting, breaking her hip and incapacitating her (joke). Break her down slowly. Or shove your domestic competence in her face by hosting the mother of all birthday parties for her - the one day when no one will let her raise a finger. Just don't give her food poisoning.
Tantric: It's your house, so you make the rules. Just because you've made a home for her son doesn't mean you have to turn into a doormat when she visits. Next time she starts criticising you, say: "Thanks for your help, but this is the way we do things." And if she still won't back off, let your husband handle things. He needs to stand up for you. If that fails, suggest she tries somewhere with five-star service that's more to her liking - a hotel.
THE TOXIC TRUTH... EYEING UP OTHER WOMEN
The Toxic Bachelor takes us on a journey into men's minds. But be warned, it ain't pretty...
Of course I wasn't looking at that other woman, so I couldn't tell you she was 5ft 10in with gravity-defying breasts. OK, I was looking, but what do you expect? Men's eyes are drawn to hot women like a sniffer dog's nose is to drugs. It's an inbuilt reaction and we can't stop, no matter how much we love you. Hence you should only worry if we combine it with grunting, we do it when supposedly on best behaviour (eg dinner with your parents), or over a female 'friend' (this suggests we'd get shot of you in a second if she gave us a chance). All other eye strays mean nothing. Which is why we expect you to ignore them and why, when we see you looking at a man, we're going to fly into a night-long strop. Hypocrisy? Yes. But did you really expect anything else?
Email your questions to toxicandtantric@fabulousmag.co.uk
PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON ILLUSTRATION: SPENCER WILSON STUART IS REGULARS EDITOR OF FHM TANTRIC AND TOXIC REGRETY THEY CAN'T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY
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