Q: My fiancé and I are meant to be getting married in three months time, but he won't discuss arrangements at all. Should I be worried? Lisa, by email
Toxic: The reason for your man's malaise is simple. "Book the band, taste the starter, finalise the guest list." Aaarrrrggghhh! Since he popped the question you (like every bride to be) have morphed into an automaton with a 'my day must be perfect' fixation that's turning his wedding into one long chore. But don't worry, we're easy to manipulate beings. Tell him you realise you've become wedding-obsessed, so, to make up for it, are taking him on a dirty weekend where wedding chat is forbidden. After that he'll be happy to help make decisions again. Note: that's help. Not sit in the corner, while you do it all. After all, it's his day too.
Tantric: Sounds like a case of cold feet. But is he scared of spending the rest of his life with you, or just being trapped in a bakery for hours on end being forced to sample wedding-cake icing? Weddings last one day, but the most vital ingredient in a long marriage is communication. So be direct. Say: "Listen honey, I'm really overwhelmed with the planning, and I really value your opinion - so can you please help me out with X?" Give him something fun to do, like dealing with the DJ. If he's still blanking you, you may have to face the fact that you've got a potential runaway groom on your hands. Still, better you find out now than at the altar.
Q: I know it isn't morally right, but I've developed feelings for my first cousin. Should I tell him? Name withheld
Toxic: Are you an EastEnders scriptwriter or merely insane? Yes, technically it's legal. And sure, the feelings could be mutual. But he's your cousin. And while 21st-century Britain might be OK with sex toys, we sure as hell aren't into incest. Bonk a blood relative and for the rest of your life people may whisper and snigger. So for your own good, move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea, the majority of whom won't have the same grandparents.
Tantric: This is a disaster waiting to happen. The "feelings" you're talking about don't mean it's destiny - it's called genetic sexual attraction, when we are drawn to faces similar to our own. If you bring it up and your cousin rejects you or things don't work out, you'll have to face him for the rest of your life. And your family may be furious. Hooking up with first cousins may be normal in some places, but you'd be better off branching out from your family tree.
The Toxic Truth... Living together
The Toxic Bachelor takes us on a journey into men's minds. But be warned, it ain't pretty...
Your hair blocks his shower and your GHDs reside in his plug socket, but ask your man if you live together and he'll deny it. But in his mind he'll be mulling it over and it will be terrifying - next step is walk up the aisle or spilt up. Thus, no matter how casually he puts it, if a man asks you to move in, he sees you as a potential wife. And if you want to convince your man your relationship can cope with co-habitation don't discuss, just do.
Leave some stuff then await one of three reactions: a) the wobbly (it was too soon), b) the Ignorance (he's happy) or c) the questioning (he's happy, but daunted. Just make things seem organic and after a few months you'll either have throttled each other (hint: stick to separate abodes) or you'll be ready to move in. But don't get too excited. This means you share a house. It doesn't mean you can redecorate or turn his life into a routine. After all, you're not married... yet.
Email your questions to toxicandtantric@fabulousmag.co.uk
PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON ILLUSTRATION: SPENCER WILSON STUART IS REGULARS EDITOR OF FHM TANTRIC AND TOXIC REGRET THEY CAN'T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY
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