Q: My girlfriend is all 'take' in bed and won't perform foreplay on me. I've tried speaking to her and even wrote her a letter, but to no avail. She says she loves me but how can she? Dean, by email

Toxic: Ooh, you wrote her a letter. Did you play a harp outside her window too? Man up, Dean. Putting pen to paper works when you've done wrong, but it sure as hell won't get your lady heading south. There are three possible explanations here: a) Your hygiene is dubious (so initiate foreplay in the shower), b) Your girlfriend is sexually inexperienced and unsure as to what to do (explain that it doesn't matter and guide her). Or, most likely, c) You're being taken for a ride by a girl who's getting her kicks elsewhere. Write another letter. One that says: you're dumped.

Tantric: Run for the hills! If you stay with this girl, I don't need a crystal ball to predict your future: either you'll start hating her (you're off to a good start already!), you'll start cheating on her, or both. Her idea of 'loving' you is selfish and lazy. If she can't follow the 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you' rule in the bedroom, chances are she can't compromise outside it either. Actions speak louder than words - she needs to let her tongue do the talking. We only have a limited number of years on this planet - do you really want to spend them not enjoying oral sex?

Q: I've been with my man for a year, but he won't meet my friends or family, although I've met his. I'm hurt. What does it mean? Jenny, by email

Toxic: Don't be hurt. He's scared, and rightly so. For while women can turn heads by being 'pretty', men have to be funny, clever, respectful etc... We're petrified we won't impress and turn in-law meetings into variety shows - developing gags etc. Even brief interactions give us the heebie-jeebies. And don't obsess over other people's opinions. He's going out with you, not your friends or family. Their blessing is nice, but it's merely the cherry on the happy couple cake.

Tantric: He doesn't want to meet them because he's afraid they may ask where things are going. What's he supposed to do, look your dad in the eye and say: "I like nailing your daughter, but don't see a future with her. Could you pass the peas?" That's the ugly truth. If he thought you were The One, he'd meet your loved ones. If no-strings sex is good enough for you, have fun. If not, find someone who wants to share your life, not just your bed.

The Toxic Truth... public displays of affection (PDAs)

The Toxic Bachelor takes us on a journey into men's minds. But be warned, it ain't pretty...

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Holding hands, kissing you full on the lips, putting his hand in your jeans pocket as you stroll down the street. Doesn't your new man do any of them? Well, fear not. He doesn't think you're repulsive. He backed away from the train station farewell kiss because he's a man. And most men refrain from public displays of affection early on in relationships because they draw attention to the fact that they're dating someone (something men aren't ready to admit) and inform the world (read: some strangers) that he is pursuing you (so if it all goes wrong, people will know he's failed).

Thus until a man's sure your fling's going places he'll keep his distance. But, let me guess, last time you met in the pub he was all over you? That's because he was drunk. And when drunk, man's inhibitions are irrelevant. When sober, however, they're hugely important and deeply personal. My point? You can't judge a bloke by his cuddle.

You can, however, match his tactics to his man type. If he comes out swinging hard and fast - snogging and manoeuvring your mitts onto his manhood - then he's an exhibitionist. A peacock who'll show you a good time, but won't hang about for a long time. But if he hasn't felt flesh by date four then he's an introvert who is not worth your time or effort. And if he shuns contact initially, then gets hotter as you get closer he's the 'normal man' I mentioned above. So don't push him (he'll dump your for being clingy). Don't get upset. And don't worry. One day it will happen. One day he'll be comfortable enough to stare into your eyes and embrace you whenever, wherever and in front of whoever. Until then though, why not concentrate on having fun behind closed doors?

Email your questions to toxicandtantric@fabulousmag.co.uk

PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON ILLUSTRATION: SPENCER WILSON STUART IS REGULARS EDITOR OF FHM TANTRIC AND TOXIC REGRET THEY CAN'T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY

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