IS INTERNET DATING JUST ABOUT SEX?
Q: I've been single for ages and my friends say I should try internet dating, but I'm worried that I'll look desperate - and that the men on those sites are just after sex. What do you think? Jane, by email
Toxic: Most men (and women) on these sites will tell you they're just after sex. The reality is somewhat different. I mean, c'mon, it's the 21st century. If you want sex, you go to a club. If you want a relationship, you fill in a profile, agonise over your picture and check who has viewed you, every four hours, day and night. Sounds a bit obsessive, if not downright desperate perhaps, but in this time-poor world, it's the best way to find partners. So what are you waiting for? Get on that site, tell the odd white lie and upload a flattering snap. Done? Now sit back and wait for the email volcano to erupt with suitors.
Tantric: You don't have to go online to find men who are just after sex! To weed out the freaks, use common sense. Don't respond to a guy looking for "no-strings-attached fun 2nite" or post snaps of yourself in a plunging neckline. Keep the first date short, meet in public, and bail out if he claims to be a secret agent or wants to borrow money. It's easier for men to lie online, so wait until you know if he's hiding anything (a bad toupee, a harem of wives) before sleeping with him. But do take the plunge. I met my boyfriend online and he's tall, successful and has his own teeth and hair. Good ones are out there!
Q: My husband works long hours and my children and I rarely see him. I'm sick of it. What can I do? Rachel, by email
Toxic: Maybe stop accepting the gifts he buys you? Sorry, I shouldn't be flippant, because he's fallen into a common work/life trap - slaving away for the 'long-term good of his family'. The problem is, long term doesn't exist if your relationship is in tatters and your kids don't know you. Shock him. List events in your kids' lives he's missed. Then the upcoming ones. Now tell him unless he gets to these, you're leaving him. Be cruel to be kind - and to save a marriage.
Tantric: He's avoiding you, and using his job as an escape. If the PM can make time for his kids, so can your man. Tell him you appreciate the sacrifices he's made to provide for your family, but that you want him home more. Be prepared to make sacrifices though if he works less - a smaller house, fewer holidays etc. Ask him which, on his deathbed, he'll regret more - missing a meeting or time with his kids? It might sound like emotional blackmail, but needs must.
THE TOXIC TRUTH: WOMEN EARNING MORE
The Toxic Bachelor takes us on a journey into men's minds, but be warned, it ain't pretty
I'm not bothered that you earn more than me. And what I really mean when I say this is I am hugely bothered. Why? Well, history paints me as the breadwinner, so you earning more emasculates me in a manner only a vice and circular saw could match. So despite claiming it isn't about the money, as soon as they find out about your wallet, many men will run.
Those that don't will stay either because they like you - or they like your money. How can you tell a potential partner from a p***-taker? Easy. If I like you, I'll protest about you buying things for me (note: this doesn't mean I don't want them) and I'll insist on a couple of conditions.
Namely, if I say: "I'll pay", I am paying - and if you even reach for your purse, it will cause a foot-stomping fit of Naomi Campbell proportions. And if I say: "I want to stay in", I want to stay in. Why? Because you know those few minutes I needed before we went out last time? They were spent buttering up Barclaycard¿
This article has 1 comment
I'm a very red-blooded male but with a girlfriend who earns a few grand more than I do. I couldn't care less, in fact I'm really glad she does!
We're both on good wages so between us we can afford to live a comfortable life. I really can't understand how someone could be irritated by their partner earning too much money, that's just bharmy!
By Jon Trensham. Posted October 12 2009 at 6:09 PM.