WILL HE EVER GET OVER HIS LESBIAN EX?

Q: I'm seeing a man who's separated from his wife of 20 years. They split after she told him she was a lesbian. He says he likes me, but can't seem to let go of his wife enough to commit or even spend the night. What should I do? Pauline, by email

Toxic: Imagine your hubby leaves you and reveals that your marriage was a sham because he's batting for the other side. How do you feel? Hurt? Bitter? Broken? Answer: all these and more. Which is why your man will not commit until he's sure you aren't going to hurt him. A feeling that, given what's happened, is going to take months (possibly years) to disappear, leaving you with two options: dig in, or move on. Chosen the former? Listen, comfort, reassure and eventually he will be ready to move on with you. It will take a while though, so in the meantime best get yourself a sex toy¿

Tantric: This man may be physically separated, but he's still emotionally attached to his ex. By the way, are you sure you buy the lesbian story? Not staying over could mean that he's still living with her. If he can't look you in the eyes over breakfast, it's not a relationship, it's a booty call. And, by blaming the split on his ex, he looks like the victim - who knows why the relationship really ended? Even if he's being straight (no pun intended), you're still stuck with a guy who's obsessed with his lesbian wife. Either way, I'd get out before your life turns into a Hollyoaks plot. What's next, him asking for a threesome?

Q: I'm 30 and have had six relationships, but none have lasted beyond five months. What's wrong with me? Libby, by email

Toxic: Nothing I hope, as you are describing my life. So I'm going to tell you what I tell myself. You quickly realise when a relationship's going nowhere. And, unlike thousands of others, you're confident enough to get out and be single, rather than drift along with someone who's not The One. That's not a curse, because when you find the right man - and you will - time will fly and you'll, crucially, still be happy. Stick to your guns and don't join drifting couples - beat them.

Tantric: Wow, you're right. It would have been so much better to have been married for 10 years, had two kids then broken up. Then you'd know you could last longer than that five-month period! The only thing wrong with you is your fear of being alone. Eventually, you'll find someone you click with. Until then, embrace the fact you're not one of those couples you see ignoring each other in restaurants because their relationship's gone beyond its sell-by date.

THE TOXIC TRUTH: YOUNGER WOMEN

The Toxic Bachelor takes us on a journey into men's minds, but be warned, it ain't pretty

For men nearing 30, a younger woman is a statement: "I still have it." And it's addressed to women our own age who we'd rather date, but for some reason can't. Seeing a 20 year old does have its advantages - they don't want to marry us and don't question us, especially in the bedroom. But they also have their drawbacks :

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Their friends: a younger woman may make us feel youthful, but her mates make us feel prehistoric.

Their clinginess: calling, planning... fresh to dating, they don't get the concept of 'space'.

Their interests: exactly who is Zac Efron?

Their inexperience: a woman's body is only seductive if she knows what to do with it.

Which all explains why we'll crawl back to older women in the end.

Email:toxicandtantric@fabulousmag.co.uk

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