'My boyfriend keeps pestering me for sex'
Q: My boyfriend wants to have sex at least once a day. Once a week is enough for me and I'm feeling so pestered, it's putting me off love making. Is there anything I can do to increase my sex drive - or decrease his? Tess, by email
Toxic: Emergency! You need to free your body - by rebooting your brain. Confused? I'll explain. While men can supercharge their sex drive with a pill, for most women, a low libido is a case of mind over mattress. You get it into your head that making love's miserable (prosecution highlights the word "pestered"), the feeling festers and your duvet-dancing desire decreases. Solution? Investigate. Are you tired? Stressed? Is your man a substandard swordsman? Find the root of the problem, single it out and solve it as soon as possible, because once a week is nowhere near enough for any man.
Tantric: Don't have sex if you aren't feeling it. He'll know that you're just lying there counting cobwebs, and you'll start to resent each other. Instead, commit yourself to making your once-a-week session totally mind-blowing. Put on porn. Buy lingerie. Leave him filthy messages detailing what you're going to do to him. And if you can't commit to intercourse more often, throw in some really enthusiastic oral sex or manual stimulation to tide him over. Who knows, it may even get you in the mood, but if not, at least he'll know you're trying your best to keep him happy.
Q: My husband is addicted to the internet and Twittering. The laptop is like a third party in our relationship. Help! Susie, by email
Toxic: Like any addiction, your hubby's net need is gnawing at the foundations of your relationship. Now you have to make him see his problem. Hit him with cold, hard, indisputable facts. Last week you made love twice, yet he logged on 300 times - what does he say about that? Best case scenario: "Sorry, I didn't realise, won't happen again." But I have a feeling it won't be. If a man chooses the web over a walking, talking woman - trouble's brewing.
Tantric: Help him remember that the two of you had fun pre-Twitter. Surprise him with a dirty weekend and treat him to some sex that would put online porn to shame. Once he realises how important quality time is, he should agree to set limits: for example, 90 minutes a day online max, and no internet on Sundays. But if he can't even ditch the laptop on weekends, you may want to think about ditching him.
The Toxic Truth... female grooming
The Toxic Bachelor takes us on a journey into men's minds. But be warned,
it ain't pretty...
Men ask each other three post-coital questions. Was she hot? Was she good?
Was she groomed? The third mainly refers to your nether regions. Why?
Because grooming is that important. That's grooming, not over-grooming.
Hence when we say we like you "just the way you are", we mean sort of. When
it comes to hum or feature fuzz (top lip, armpit or leg), we'll endure for
one night only. Plus, we want you to make an effort when we go out. Why?
Nothing's more arousing than seeing men stare at your woman. But in private
you have to wash off the slap and be you. Spend the morning having a
manicure and the evening exfoliating and you'll end up single. There's no
point winning a trophy if you can't get your hands on it.
Email your questions to toxicandtantric@fabulousmag.co.uk
PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON ILLUSTRATION: SPENCER WILSON STUART IS REGULARS EDITOR OF FHM TANTRIC AND TOXIC REGRET THEY CAN'T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY
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