Creation (PG)

CHARLES Darwin, author of On The Origin Of Species and the grandfather of evolution, led an amazing life.

He sailed distant oceans, rode with the gauchos of Patagonia and discovered strange new creatures in lands afar.

So guess which bit they've gone and made into a movie?

Yes. The bit where he stays at home arguing with the missus and watching his daughter die.

And that's Creation.

Yet another period biopic from the gloom-peddlers at BBC Films, who previously brought you Death Defying Acts (Harry Houdini depressed in Edinburgh), The Edge Of Love (Dylan Thomas depressed in Wales) and The Other Boleyn Girl (Henry VIII depressed in Tudor England, even though he's being chased by Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson).

It's 108 minutes of drizzle, scarlet fever and weeping in bonnets.

And while this kind of dreary stuff has a target audience who would turn out to see anything involving top hats and misery, you're best advised seeking your cinema fun elsewhere.

(Although given the rest of this week's releases . . . you might not have much luck.) Paul Bettany stars as Chas Darwin himself, and he makes a good job of it too.

There's no issue with the cast, who all do their best with the sketchy screenplay.

The film starts promisingly, with Darwin entertaining his daughter Annie (Martha West) with tales of his globetrotting adventures.

There's a great sequence showing the moment when Darwin meets a Fuegian tribe on a South American shore (amazingly, this scene was filmed in North Cornwall).

Naturalist

It's a great little story in itself, not to mention a nice reminder of how well Bettany played the near-identical role of ship's naturalist Stephen Maturin in 2003's Master And Commander.

And it's soon followed by an even better bit where Darwin remembers the time he befriended a young orang-utan at London Zoo - which turns out to be the most convincing relationship in the movie.

These scenes are nicely shot and well acted (mainly by the monkey). But most importantly, they mix light with dark, so the sad bits actually have an impact.

Not so the rest of the film, however, which plays out like a 19th century edition of EastEnders, without the laughs.

Half of it is flashbacks to the lead-up to Annie's death. And I should stress, this isn't giving anything away.

We know Annie's dead from the start - she turns up everywhere in the dead of night, yapping her trap off and always wearing the same scraggly old dress.

That means she's either a) a ghost or b) Peaches Geldof.

And the other half follows Darwin's own struggle with crippling illness - WOOHOO - as he agonises over whether or not to publish his theories on evolution.

Why the hesitation? Because he doesn't want to anger God or, more importantly, his wife Emma (played by Bettany's real-life spouse Jennifer Connelly).

Jen gives a decent performance, as far as it goes. But she's not needed to do much more than look tearful and thump out sinister music on the Darwin family piano while either her daughter or husband dies slowly upstairs.

Hammering

She blames Charles for Annie's illness because he let her go rockpool-fishing at the beach in her nightie - which is a bit rich, because the wrist-slitting tunes she's hammering out every night would be enough to drive anyone to their deathbed.

On the plus side, Darwin's been written as a smart, thoughtful man rather than a pop-eyed, Bible-burning Richard Dawkins-alike.

(That role's filled by the reliably ace Toby Jones, who appears, nowhere near often enough, as Chas's frothing pal Thomas Huxley).

The chemistry between Paul and Jen is pretty good too - although they're a married couple, so it ruddy well should be.

What's so disappointing is that all this talent has been squandered on such a miserable story.

A Darwin biopic that took in the real highs and lows of the man's life and work would be a real treat.

But watching him cough himself to death in a badly-lit bedroom isn't.

It's a miserable week for new movies, so Creation should do OK at the box office. For now.

Throw in some stronger specimens over the next few weeks, though, and it won't be long before it's extinct.

OUT FRIDAY

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