Hammed up but a Total Washout

THE thought first hit me when I spotted Stuart Hall on Totally Saturday a few weeks back.

No, not "blimey, Stuart Hall's still alive!"

Or "what the hell am I still watching Totally Saturday for?"

Or even "why doesn't Graham Norton get the audience to shout 'Bring On The Hall!' before he comes on?"

It was this: Why don't the BBC bring back It's A Knockout and have done with it?

Hardly what you'd call a lightbulb moment as far as TV originality goes (hey, when did that ever stop Simon Cowell?)

But the same thought crossed my mind again as I bravely tackled the second series of TOTAL WIPEOUT last night.

Smug

At least I think it was the second series. Hard to tell with this show. Cos the Beeb have wrung so many repeats and reheats out of it already this year I'm starting to think they've only ever made one episode.

The Total Wipeout Awards, Total Wipeout Fast Forward, endless re-runs on BBC3 . . .

They even slipped a repeat in halfway through its first run on BBC1 to see if any viewers noticed (not many did.)

I wouldn't mind if it was any good. But it's as cheap and nasty as they come.

Barely half the bumps- per-minute of You've Been Framed, yet twice as long. With a smug, self-indulgent commentary from Richard Hammond, the bankrupt man's Harry Hill. The sort of show you catch on a Wednesday afternoon on Challenge TV.

Or that you'd happily tolerate in the background while sinking a few jars in a bar in Magaluf.

But primetime Saturday night on the national broadcaster's flagship channel?

Sorry. I think we deserve a little more for our money than sending 20 Brits to Argentina to compete on an assault course so that Hammond can poke fun at them as he watches it all back in Terry Wogan's old Auntie's Bloomers studio.

Much better to revamp something like It's A Knockout surely?

If nothing else, X Factor and Britain's Got Talent have proved regional pride is alive and shouting.

And naff as most of the It's A Knockout games were, at least there was some variety and spectacle to them.

Yes, Total Wipeout has its moments. But there are only so many times you can watch someone fall off a big red ball. Especially when each fall is followed with action replays and slo-mo replays. And replays of action replays and slo-mo replays.

Let's face it, with Big Brother now safely embalmed and ready for the hearse we need a new show to fill the long hot summer months before X Factor and Strictly start again.

We should never allow Total Wipeout to be that show. Because if we let the BBC get away with churning out bought-in, processed guff like this they'll do it even more in future.

Which, inevitably, will mean more Richard Hammond.

Tolerable as Top Gear's whipping boy he may well be. But here he's a hospital radio DJ elevated way beyond his talents, still sporting the Andrew Ridgeley Club Tropicana haircut.

And as for him travelling all the way to Argentina and not even having a proper go on the course.

Total Cop-out, mate.

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