What Price a bit of peace Katie?
BIG news at KATIE & PETER: STATESIDE where it appears Sharon Stone may be to blame for last weekend's Devastating Break-Up.
Why? Well, after spotting Sharon at Elton John's I Haven't Actually Been To The Oscars party, Pete had this to say:
"When you wear a dress which shows off your nipples at 50, that's just vile."
Okay, so Katie might not be 50 for another 19 years but, with her form, who can blame Pete responding with such a pre-emptive strike?
As for Katie, having watched far too many episodes of their fly-on-the-wall/flies-round-s**t ITV2 reality show, I feel more than qualified to pinpoint the exact moment she decided their "partnership" might have run its course.
It was last week's episode, when Peter was teaching their son Junior how to do a Dr Evil impression.
For almost five years Katie's had to put up with Pete doing it, even though Austin Powers came out on DVD way back in 1998. And now here he was, trying to pass the "gift" on to her darling son. Come on, who can blame her for cracking?
Of course, it's possible neither of these events is responsible for their break-up. It's even possible that they are not even breaking up (like I said, I've watched an awful lot of these ITV2 chapters).
But everyone else is playing the game so why should I miss out?
And though I firmly believe the name of this show's sponsor should be changed from kiddi- care.com to couldn'tcare.com I'll happily declare my support for Team Andre.
Cos I suspect whatever soul he may once have had remains slightly more intact than his estranged partner's.
Away from those onscreen displays of affection designed to make us go "ah, he loves his kids", I suspect he actually does.
I'm not for one second suggesting Katie doesn't love them as well, but there was something slightly odd about her declaring, "I'm being a mum today" in this latest episode. I mean, aren't mums meant to be mums every day?
No doubting the biggest potential winner in the break-up though (assuming cruel rumours about Madonna being offered first refusal on Harvey in the divorce settlement are untrue).
It's ITV. Like most viewers, they've been waiting for something interesting to happen ever since this show's only truly classic episode, that wedding back in 2005.
In the interim? Endless shameless/Ofcom-bothering plugs for Katie's businesses.
Pete's year-long bout of viral man-flu. Katie's unnerving and unending bid to look like The Bride Of Ronsealstein.
Untold rounds of "you say, we say" with the media. Several failed relaunches of Pete's music career. And infinite complaints about press intrusion (usually interspersed with intimate footage of their children).
Whether ITV can persuade/ force Katie & Peter to disrespect theirs and their children's privacy one last time and honour their contract is another story.
I mean, for that to happen Katie & Peter would have to be a right pair of self-centred, fame-hungry, publicity-crazed, empty-headed desperadoes.
So that's coming soon to ITV2 then, folks.
NB 1: Hearty congrats to ITV's scheduling overlord for putting the following ITV3 show up against Katie & Peter the other night: Beyond A Joke.
NB 2: If there is a custody battle, what will the judges take the dimmest view of? Katie pretending to eat Junior's pet snails, making him cry uncontrollably on camera?
Or Pete threatening to subject Harvey to the torture of listening to his new track "Song For Harvey (Unconditional)" for the rest of his life?
NB 3: Some good news for Pete re the potential release of that long-awaited new album. Pete says he's "not doing it to make some money." Phew.
Weight. Off. His. Mind.
Read more from Ian Hyland in the News of the World print edition
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This article has 8 comments
I think you are personally an idiot pete if you lose a lady like katie ur daft she's made a mistake who dunt but she still the mother of your kids and she's made u what u are today. Ull be ok katie now 1 needs men defo not u u go girl dunt deserve all this from him your amazing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By nicky.. Posted May 26 2009 at 12:49 AM.
frank ur a total loser leave katie alone who do u think u are slagging her off like that dont judge her she is not a waste of space but u are let her get own with her own life
By sarah.. Posted May 24 2009 at 8:36 PM.
frank johnston why make her feel guilty as everyone makes mistakes in life why do you feel so strongly about jordan wereing a bikini if you was in a hot country you propley would too as you guys are all the same this is why we dont need people to juge us as we only have one juge and thats god leave them alone and get on with your own life if you have one cause its alright you lads to do what you like i vote for girl power as every one is human treat them all the same
By LAUREN S.. Posted May 17 2009 at 7:17 PM.
I think katie and Peter make and wonderful match and i hope they get back together as they are well matched i think it has been all blown out of portsion
as it was a only drunken night out that peter has tacken to serious as i think he should forget about the papers and conentrate on their marriage and kid expesilly the kids as they need both perants around them not seperate live style and step mothers and farthers cause they would not love your kids as you would ?
By lauren .. Posted May 17 2009 at 6:52 PM.
i think peter andrea is a very good looking man and he will have no problems finding a nice young restpectible women althougth jordan is nice she is not the settling down tipe ?
By lauren.. Posted May 17 2009 at 6:43 PM.
Who cares? Who are the people interested in this complete waste of space? The world has many interesting people doing good and useful work that get no publicity and would not want it unless it aided their good causes.
By Frank Johnson.. Posted May 17 2009 at 2:04 PM.
about time pete ditch her never seen or heard a female so vile... she started out as a so called model, then
soled her stories about her love life , postions, and how all the guy,s were pigs.. and keeps selling stories about her,and her children today , it,s a sad world when young girls look up to females like her.... I just hope pete gets to see his children including harvey without selling a story,He,ll need to get a good P.R JUST LIKE HIS WIFE ALREADY HAS HAVE, YOU ALL SEEN THE I WANT PRIVACY AT THIS TIME IN THE PAPERS. BUT I MUST REMEMBER TO WEAR A BIKINI INCASE THEIR,S A PAP IN THE BUSHES ....remember you have too look closer to home if all your relationships fail and the truth hurts when you acknoleged it....
By CAROLINE.. Posted May 16 2009 at 11:33 PM.
Great stuff from the most gorgeous, cute, journalist ever.
By Rose.. Posted May 16 2009 at 11:38 PM.